THREAD...STOMP
Only for displacement activity.

Job application time.

Ennertain me, ya punks.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:50, 122 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What are you going for?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:51, Reply)

Operations Planning Assistant.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:53, Reply)

Who with?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:54, Reply)

What sort of Ops?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:54, Reply)

boardgames

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:56, Reply)

Watch out for the breadbasket
Buzzes like fuck.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:58, Reply)

Why did we both go for that one TD?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:58, Reply)

*Removes bread basket with tweezers*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:58, Reply)

Because we're both old bastards
Who should be living in Barratt Homes with 2.3 kids.

High five, loser!
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:59, Reply)

*Removes broken heart*
Your turn.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:02, Reply)

That Y shaped one
That was always a bastard.

I got an etch-a-sketch for Christmas. Still can't work it.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:04, Reply)

There was nothing to using an etch-a-sketch
Getting a picture that looked good was almost impossible though.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:08, Reply)

We took it to the pub the other night
And tried to draw some of the less appealling regulars.

It was amusing if you think that lot of graphite scribbles are a laugh.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:13, Reply)

Baker's Boy Lemon Cupcakes

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:52, Reply)

I'll entertain you like Pistonbroke

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:55, Reply)

See the thing is he is quite entertaining
albeit for all the wrong reasons. He's best kept on the other side of the screen though, I wouldn't fancy wiping away the spittle that he projects onto people.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:04, Reply)

Perhaps the problem was
That his appearance was hyped up on here for many months before it happened. He was going to be the next Lenny Bruce.

It was in Leeds, which is ten miles from me, and I'm not sure why I didn't go.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:17, Reply)

You missed out on a masterclass
www.b3tards.com/u/bad7436b035054876c55/carterlive.jpg
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:19, Reply)

I might have been washing my hair that night
That's a £2.50 train fare saved though.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:29, Reply)

I watched that clip.
It was weird- just not funny. Not cringingly bad per se, it was like he wasn't even trying to be either funny or unfunny, he was just being.

Perhaps he is aiming for standup zen, or perhaps he is a committed postmodernist.

Fuck knows.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:05, Reply)

Today we had a lecture where we were required to plan a lesson using a book as inspiration for the children.
Using the popular kid's book 'Walking in the Jungle' we decided to create a wall display where the children would be presented with a blank jungle scene and asked to identify animals that live in the jungle and could go on the wall. I won't go into the boring details but we also wanted to them to use the internet to confirm there ideas and to make sure no domestic animals were put on the display. Now we had to present this to the class as a presentation and when I was saying about the domestic animals I casually threw in the example of 'bunnies' the lovely young Sophie exclaimed 'but you do get bunnies in the jungle, you know jungle bunnies' cue nervous panic from the lecturer and me giggling a bit. Bless her though she had no idea it was racist and had just heard the phrase and never really thought about it. Apologies for length and shit story telling.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:04, Reply)

A couple of questions.
1/ How old is Sophie?

2/ Is Sophie 'Uni-girl?'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:06, Reply)

19 and no
None of them had ever heard it Jeff. I had to get urban dictionary up to show her. Think me and Uni girl are fading out.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:16, Reply)

Does she not like your new haircut?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:19, Reply)

haha nah she hasn't seen it, she wasn't in today.
I quite like it. It's versatile. Re uni girl (harri btw) just been a bit forced this week. to be fair we both have shit loads of deadlines so that might be it? Will find out soon I'm sure.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:22, Reply)

You don't sound too distressed about the situation. Would that be a fair comment?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:26, Reply)

I'm not really. She is brilliant but I think it might be the wrong time for me.
I am bang in the middle of pretty much trying to overhaul my entire character and life and I don't even know who I am going to be at the end of it. I know that sounds wanky and really stupid but it's how I feel at the mo and everything else seems to be a bit insignificant.

Insert 'gay' comments, pandatron below please.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:35, Reply)

good lord bob
are you trying to find yourself?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:41, Reply)

I think I'm fixing myself.
God I've gone all weird on the internet.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:42, Reply)

is this the opposite of an internet breakdown?
go on, go on, become a better person in front of our eyes!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:44, Reply)

I did get a side parting yesterday!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:45, Reply)

PROGRESS!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:47, Reply)

I love unintentional racelols.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:06, Reply)

*puts mug on head and sings*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:28, Reply)

I can't hear you
Sing louder.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:33, Reply)

*SINGS*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:36, Reply)

You're sounding like Liz Frazer
Although that could be because Cocteau Twins are on 6 at the moment.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:38, Reply)

I hear that, too

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:40, Reply)

Not their best one
But I still would:-

www.flickr.com/photos/saraleighlewis/2246952760/
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:47, Reply)

she has very striking eyes
a bit like Kristin Hersh, might go and see her next week.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:53, Reply)

You should have heard Liz Frazer live
Incredible.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:01, Reply)

really wish I could have
doesn't seem like she'll be performing live anytime soon does it?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:05, Reply)

No - she's finished.
Youtube Cocteau Twins. Anything. Turn it up as loud as you can.

Not the most conventional vocalist, but she'll hit parts in you that don't often get hit.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:10, Reply)

This is the 'how to fill in your application form' leaflet
from Suffolk County Council.
Enjoy!
www.suffolkjobsdirect.org/attachments/1582/April%2010%20Easy%20read%20Guidance.pdf
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:47, Reply)

I'm liking the geezer on the first "disability" question.
He is Fred Scuttle.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:53, Reply)

He's the reason I posted it.
He made me laugh.
I got this as part of an application for a teaching job.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:55, Reply)

500 words to go. Bored now.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:52, Reply)

A girl I like sent me a text.
How is that for news?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:55, Reply)

Bloody hell
STOP PRESS, JEFF MIGHT GET LAID. This is clearly bigger news than any of that politics shit or the floods in australia.
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:59, Reply)

I don't imagine for one moment that'll happen berk.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:00, Reply)

No?
what happened to all that positive opening yourself to new opportunities stuff?
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:04, Reply)

I'm not being pessimistic.
I'm an optimist in posession of the facts.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:06, Reply)

I'm totally stealing that
but I'm also going to nag you and tell you not to be so grumpy. I suppose I'd better ask if it was a flirty text first though, saying 'a girl I like has texted me' isn't quite the same if that text was 'please leave me alone/I'm not wearing that puppy fancy dress costume/I'm your new social worker' etc.
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:09, Reply)

She is my probation officer.
No, it was just a friendly 'Hi, how are you?' type message.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)

Well, it's a start
she must like you even if it's only platonic or she wouldn't have bothered. It's also a texts-worth more interest than I've had recently.
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)

I offered to text you a photo of the beef wellington I made the other day.
But you spazzed out like Joey Deacon on the Waltzers.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:16, Reply)

It was very generous of you
but although it would have featured hot meat it's not really the right kind...
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:19, Reply)

Well, you'd have seen the nicely scored pastry crust.
Everything else was under wraps!

You don't seem to do too badly with the male attention berk. I'm not sure what you're complaining about.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:30, Reply)

This is not entirely true
I have surprised myself by having three, count them, a whole THREE people having a very fleeting interest in me in the past few months. For me, that's a lot, and it all seems to have gone quiet again now. *shrugs*
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:35, Reply)

Is that fleeting and past, or fleeting and you didn't fancy it?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)

No, fleeting as in
I barely had time to decide what I was going to do about it before they changed their minds and buggered off.
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)

Time seemingly waits for no man, (or woman)
But the fact you've had a few 'tickles' suggests you are doing something right!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)

Or wrong
given that they all buggered off...
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)

Did you give them any encouragement?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:52, Reply)

Certainly did
anyway right, I'm not going to complain about this or discuss it because 2011 is going to be awesome and not full of whining. Lets talk about something else.
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:57, Reply)

Start a late-night thread then berk!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 23:03, Reply)

I'd suggest youtube disco
but I can't think of anything :(
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)

Start with ANYTHING you like.
It'll improve.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)

wooohoo!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Yeah!
Everybody shake your stuff,
The Rebel's here and he's street-tuff!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:02, Reply)

actually is it even a good text?
you've not said it might have been "quite hassling me you dog fucking freak" or "wooffwoofbarkwoof"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:04, Reply)

It was along the lines of 'Are you okay?'
So informal, friendly and polite.

I've replied with 'I'm fine, how are you?'

(You don't think I'm being too pushy here do you?)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:05, Reply)

you rapey creeptastic bastard you!

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:08, Reply)

It was a strong reply on my part wasn't it?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)

so where do you know her from?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:08, Reply)

Friend of a friend type thing.
So who knows if it'll go anywhere.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:12, Reply)

good luck
Berk can get you chloroform
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:14, Reply)

On rape or return?
Or do I have to buy it, even if I don't use it?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)

if you can't even get laid using
chloroform...
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:17, Reply)

*Sings*
Wooh! Chloroform, Chloroform for you.....
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)

Get in!
Probably the most heartwarming thing I've come across all day.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:02, Reply)

It was probably sent in error knowing my luck
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:03, Reply)

Don't you be doing a TD special now
When you confuse a "hey you're a nice guy" text for "let's down to serious shagging and this'll be the nursery" stuff.

TD knows. TD was there just before Xmas.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:07, Reply)

TD is a wise man.
JTDF has no expectations.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:09, Reply)

TD isn't a wise man
TD sees every sort of contact with the opposite sex as a sunlit romp through a harvest field of waist high crops and wildflowers.

TD always forgets that there's a barbed wire fence at the end of the field.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)

TD will get it right as TD seems to get more female contact than most around here.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:23, Reply)

The dog I had before these two
Was half retreiver half terrier.

He could catch any rabbit he wanted to, but once he'd caught them the retreiver bit kicked in and he didn't know what to do.

That's me.

Bedtime.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:32, Reply)

Sleep well TD.
Catch you on the 'morrow!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:33, Reply)

Your mum inviting for you Sunday lunch does not count broseph!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:03, Reply)

*Sobs*
(Actually Bob, that made me smile, so well done)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:04, Reply)

*awards self gold star from multipack bought from Costco not two days previous*

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:08, Reply)

was this while you were getting great seats at the Phil?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:12, Reply)

?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:16, Reply)

Well I just accomplished the Lit Wolverine.
And I'm happy.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:56, Reply)

Lit Wolverine?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:59, Reply)

Three lit cigarettes, held in the place where Wolverine has his claws.
Inhale.

Cough. Enjoy.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:05, Reply)

Are you planning to sleep at all this evening?
If so, good luck with that.
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:06, Reply)

I just took one drag, stubbed one out for later, gave the other to my flatmate.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:16, Reply)

Haha great description

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)

The Walrus is two, held in the mouth.
Lady Deathstryke is the same as the Wolverine, but with cigarette holders.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)

Is using just one tab called 'The Pikey'
Based purely on of the number of front-teeth they are likely to have?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:27, Reply)

Eh?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:59, Reply)

snickety snick

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Alright, bub.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:06, Reply)

I want to try this with doobies.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:09, Reply)

Bleurgh
I like a good smoke but the idea of that just makes me feel nauseous.
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)

So far this week I have managed to get a reaction like this off you everyday.
How can I stop this happening?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:16, Reply)

thought you were cutting down on the weed!

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)

I am, I said I want to try it, I'm not gonna do it.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)

You are to weed, what Jim Davidson is to not drinking and battering women.
Hopes the SHOCK tactics might work
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:14, Reply)

yeah but ....
Itssss onnnnlllllyyy aaaa gaammmmme sooooo !
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)

Now, for JVs 'Trick Shot'

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:25, Reply)

That is the Green Wolverine

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:18, Reply)

IT HAS A NAME!
It's like the forbidden treat now.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:20, Reply)

*Shakes head*
You're supposed to be knocking this shit on the head, not working out how you can get monged in triple-quick time.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:24, Reply)

This, don't do it plz, it's untested.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:26, Reply)

I promise not to try it.
I damn well will encourage some of my stupid mates to do it though.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:27, Reply)

Not only do you DEAL drugs you are now PUSHING them.
You lose marks for that.

(Although as a Business Analyst, I admire your skills in establishing new revenue streams and increasing the yeild from your existing income points)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:31, Reply)

Is this some sort of way of describing
getting so fucked off with your essay you have ripped it to shreds?
(berk, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:06, Reply)

Virgil can kindly get stabbed by a Canadian mutant.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:18, Reply)