Only because I'm upset about the deformed kitty
I'm moving on. BECAUSE I CAN.

Alt Q. Steve Wright off Radio 2. What is the most painful death you can devise for the utter knobcheese that he really is.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:36, 64 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

TD.
It needs a question before you get to have an Alt Q:

Them's the rules.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:38, Reply)

Think of your own question
But keep it to yourself, for that element of surprise.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:56, Reply)

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:00, Reply)

grumpy moon

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:05, Reply)

Alrite the disappointed
I don't really have an opinion on Steve Wright, but I'm glad that you do. Have you tried writing scary letters to him at the bbc? It might keep him looking over his shoulder, and well in fear of his life.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:40, Reply)

hey im outside a pub smoking
I'm tagging you in to piss off the cunts in this thread. I have faith in you.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:47, Reply)

Cheers PC, I'm not sure I've got the time to put any real effort in but we'll see what happens with a fair wind
However the tabs man, what_happened_there. You'll die an agonising lung cancery death at this rate.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:53, Reply)

I sent him a dead rat through the post.
And I didn't even put a return address on the envelope!

I bet he's sorry now.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:54, Reply)

drown the fucker in a barrel of factoids.
boiling hot factoids.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:45, Reply)

Having just belted my knuckles a rather painful one zesting a lemon
I think he should be grated to death from the toes up. I have no actual objection to Steve Wright, but I think it's a good way to go.
(berk, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:49, Reply)

I bet he wouldn't play these:
www.preemtiv.com/emails/kidcongopowers/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:56, Reply)

Evening TD
I cannot stand the belming retard.

I'll go for the Hannibal classic of "eaten from the feet up by pigs".
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 21:57, Reply)

I wouldn't even have mentioned the cunt
Except I went to the dentists this afternoon and the fucking receptionists were playing his "really funny show" in the waiting room.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:01, Reply)

Either we have the same dentist or they all listen to the unfunny cunt.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:04, Reply)

It's a possibilty I suppose
I suspect the fact that nobody has targetted him in a hit and run bulldozer accident by now may be down to his apparent popularity with healthcare bimbos.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:09, Reply)

And also that bulldozers are too slow to be good hit-and-run vehicles.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:35, Reply)

as long as you're not planning on eating the pigs.
the meat would be tainted.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:01, Reply)

wahey
I have a black eye
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:00, Reply)

How?

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:01, Reply)

She got told

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:02, Reply)

smashed myself in the face with a water pump accidently

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:02, Reply)

Oooof.
You ok?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:04, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0N1_0SUGlDQ
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Just listen to a different radio station

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:06, Reply)

we'll have no more of this sort of sensible answer please

(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:12, Reply)

sorry I had a beer and it's done something weird to me

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)

I could totally murder a beer right now

(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:17, Reply)

they are tasty
also cheese, chorizo and wholegrain mustard toasties
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:19, Reply)

They're sounding good.
If I could trust myself to work the sandwich toaster I might attempt something like that.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:27, Reply)

I'm largely gutted I'm out of bread
otherwise I'd make a second one
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)

Mmmmmm

(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)

I normally listen to 6
I just caught a brief bit of his shiteness this afternoon.

He's on my minibus. Jeremy Clarkson will drive, Steve Wright, Phil Collins, Michael Parkinson and Geoffrey Boycott are passengers so far.

It's going off a cliff in flames.

Any further passengers?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)

nick griffin?
and richard herring.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:17, Reply)

Jimmy Saville?
Ben Elton, Jim Davidson, all the other twats off Top Gear.

Coldplay, Razorlight and Snow Patrol.

We're gonna need a bigger bus.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:31, Reply)

i guess james may is a twat by association?
the three "bands" (they should be) can get rammed in the trailer.
an that twat that wrote (!) the duvinchy code.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:35, Reply)

dan brown
and Stephanie Meyer can get in there too. Also Kevin Anderson, but I guess no one else cares as much about is wrecking of hte Dune series as much as me
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)

that's the fucker.
stephanie meyer? too lazy to google.

anthony worral thompson too.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)

And David Duvinchy
I don't know who he is but B69's shaky spelling makes me want to DAMN HIM TO HELL.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)

ooooooo Ooooooooo
That blaireau guy that pops up on here every so often
(Bazongaloid, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:18, Reply)

Drowning in the PET jelly tank at work while it's full.
It's kept at 60°C and lighter than water, so he'll be deep-fried in grease before he gets a chance to reach the surface.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:31, Reply)

That'll do nicely Sir.
How yer doin'?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:33, Reply)

Very well thanks.
Y'sen?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:33, Reply)

A shade between ratarsed and paryletic
When I hit paryletic I'll stop posting.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)

are you having my share tonight?
hope you're up to the task...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)

Scoffing drink up like a hoover
Nail polish and paint remover
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)

aftershave and meths?
baby bio with miracle grow chasers.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:45, Reply)

I do Baby Bio
When I'm out of Worcester Sauce.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:47, Reply)

had some worcestershire and tomato sauce on my chips tonight.
an impulse buy yesterday that paid off. you should really try some.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:50, Reply)

That's too sensible.
Talk shite right now.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:52, Reply)

shall we perm one of your dogs?
shall we?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:55, Reply)

if you cook him at 60C for long enough
you'll end up with confit of past-it dj.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 22:51, Reply)

So Mr B69
How is your fine house?

You still getting good sex on a regular basis?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:08, Reply)

house not finished yet, still cannae decide on handles for kitchen units.
and still not got round to solar installation.
been too busy shagging my gorgeous wife.*
so that'll be a yes.
dunno what she sees in me...

*and ripping off old ladies. there's been a lot of that this winter.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)

Kitchen units - not important
Your six step plan to a happier life - now that's what I need to know because my life is dismal and punctuated only by playing on line games.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:16, Reply)

okay, here goes. on the fly.
1) perm a dog.
2) perfect the acerbic element of your personality.
3) install a franco-belge stove.
4) drink teh booze.
4) drink teh booze again for good measure.
5) perfect sourdough breadmaking.
6) be correct on the internet at all times.
7) have a much younger and more attractive other half.

how's that?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:21, Reply)

That's 7 steps

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)

well, 8 if you include the repeated step 4.
but who's counting?
i mean, what's a step?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:25, Reply)

Step back, Crunchy.
I'm learning on line from the MASTER!
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:25, Reply)

sorry
I just worry - what if he gives you UNWISE advice?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)

have no fear young un, i'm an expert in these matters.
ain't i TD?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:32, Reply)

You are Superman
To that photographer geezer that I can't remember his name. Jimmy?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:34, Reply)

But...but...can I do all that and still be all popular and cool and stuff
That's what I crave, y'see.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)

course you can.
you have the stove and the dog, you drink teh booze.
nearly forgot step 8) smoke fags!
there, y'see, instant cool off the fags!

you wanna be just like me!
anyway dude i'm off to give it a wash and try my luck...
see you next time!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)

You're going to to do SEX aren't you?
You're my internet hero, B69.

Like the Green Cross Code man, you can't be here all the time but whenever you are you stir a little whirlpool in the stagnant pond of my life.

I love you, B69, whoever you are...
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 23:32, Reply)