Don't worry Jeff.
your internet wife will make sure you don't really have to leave the internet. Afterall, She Loves You (yeah yeah yeah, etc)
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:50, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It doesn't matter if she shuns me berk as
I've got a ticket to ride and I'm as free as a bird.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:52, Reply)

You need professional Help

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:54, Reply)

It'll be a
Long and Winding Road back to full health.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Oh, I heard you were Polythene Pam, I am the Walrus, While My Guitar Gently Weeps and Magical Mystery Tour.
Am I doing this right? We are doing the randomly quote Beatles songs way past the point when the joke was funny yeah?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Yeah you're doing it right
...Entrails ripped from a virgin's cunt.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Was that a B-side?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Yep
The 'other' one Ringo wrote.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:03, Reply)

Ah, so you've got their B-Sides album?

EDIT - curse you, Al!
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:01, Reply)

You totally love me really
I noticed you blatantly trying to touch me at the weekend.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:03, Reply)

I wasn't trying to touch you at all
it was the gravitational pull of your massive gut; I couldn't help it.

I do lose ALL sense of personal space when I'm drunk, I apologise if I was actually trying to touch you. I didn't mean anything by it.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:06, Reply)

I didn't really mind
but the wife was a bit upset, especially when you tried to follow me into the toilets.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:07, Reply)

It's called orbit
and I'm pretty sure I would have remembered that.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:10, Reply)

That last line just crushed the poor fella
He thought that maybe a girl was showing him some affection, but no, you've ruined that. You couldn't just let him have that dream, could you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:07, Reply)

*cries*
Hold me Labs!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Oh Christ, really?
I mean, sure, there there fella.
*awkwardly holds the sobbing al, who pauses crying only for one brief embarrassing moment when we both realise al's erection is rubbing against my leg*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:12, Reply)

No. No, I couldn't.

(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Afternoon berk
How's you?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:53, Reply)

It makes me suspicious when you're seemingly being nice
but I'm fine Al, thanks for asking. How're you?
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:56, Reply)

I'm okay
This morning I had breakfast in a Tesco cafe on my way to High Wycombe.

The guy behind me not only knew the names of all the ladies working in the cafe, but talked very loudly about the weather with them.

It struck me that he was probably quite a lonely person who was simply making friends and getting social interaction where he could. But I also couldn't help but think "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID LOUD CUNT I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR OPINION ON THIS WINTER IS, PLEASE FUCK OFF AND FIND SOME ACTUAL FRIENDS TO DISCUSS THIS WITH QUIETLY"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Unlucky
at least you'll never have to see him again.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:03, Reply)

Pfft! He can fend for himself.
He's got a bit on the side now.
( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 14:06, Reply)