I only have one.
People who don't say thanks after you hold the door open for them. I hope they and their families die.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:24, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What about overzealous security guards?
The growing prevalence of CCTV cameras?
National crime and DNA databases?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:26, Reply)

People who have an unnecessary amount of coats
really make me cross
(Bazongaloid, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:27, Reply)

I say "NO! Thank YOU!"
And then mutter "Rude prick/sod/git/bastard" as appropriate.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:27, Reply)

I grab them by the scruff of their neck
throw them back out the door, then grab them again and drag them halfway through the door and slam it repeatedly on their faces.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:33, Reply)

I'd like to do that

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:38, Reply)

How many times have you realised they were mute after you've done that?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:39, Reply)

..whilst dressed as Rastamouse.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Christ I'd love to have the balls to do this

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:52, Reply)

Yeah I go "you're welcome" really loudly.
And if they're smaller than me follow it up with "you cunt".
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:44, Reply)

my grandma used to do that
not the swearing bit, clearly. but she would hold the door open for people and then say "THANK YOU" really loudly if they ignored her. mortifying.

mind you, better than my friend's grandma, who, when asked if she wanted any watermelon at sainsburys, said very loudly, "good lord no. i always think you need to have a mouth like a n****r to eat one of those things." cringe.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:48, Reply)

On bad days I have been known to do this
although I say 'you're welcome' in a really pointed manner instead. It's so passive aggressive, but meh, not saying thankyou is so rude.
(berk, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:52, Reply)

I rugby tackle them.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)

I would absolutely love to see you do that
and would be more than happy to tell the police it was self-defence afterwards
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:34, Reply)

it's weird when you two are getting on
it doesn't feel Right. like hearing the queen talking dirty or something.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Effort aside,
I absolutely agree with Chompy on this point and the idea of someone getting so annoyed by this perceived slight that they batter the culprit to the ground is undeniably hilarious.

As is the idea of Chompy standing over his victim and delivering a Schwarzenegger-esque one-liner, then coming back a moment later to explain why it was funny.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:42, Reply)

that last bit did make me laugh
"it's funny because you dissed me so i killed you."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:46, Reply)

I am behaving oddly today though, you're right
I was a bit mean to AA whilst being nice to Chompy and siding with Al. And I managed a civil conversation with Rory earlier. I'm still perving on you shamelessly though, so all is not lost
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:53, Reply)

perving on you shamelessly though admiring your shoes and your interior decoration

+ BECAUSE MY NAME IS MARTIN AND I'M A TELECOMMUNICATIONS ANALYST FROM BEDFORD
(Bazongaloid, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:57, Reply)

Are you trying to combine two memes? Badly?
Why not revive the ugly one while you're about it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 15:11, Reply)

you have a penis and a pulse
you'll perve on me. i'm used to it, go right ahead.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 15:06, Reply)

You really don't want to do that
I will, you know
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 15:10, Reply)

i will have had worse
trust me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Considering I was about to erase or edit that post for fear that it was a bit too rapey
I suspect you may be correct. I'm going to try very hard to not perve on you as an apology for the rest of my gender
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 15:13, Reply)