Monty to be arrested for possession of MDs
Being unable to post bail due to be a gargantuan fuckwit with money, he gets locked up (complete with prison haircut) until trial, during which time word filters through that he's up on nonce charges and gets beaten by the gangs of Muslim inmates that the Daily Mail harp on about.

His Jewish defense lawyer, having seen the Nazi memorabilia in Monty's flat (which is later broken into by Shoreditch hipster cunts who nick all his vinyl and scratch the shit out of them at their ironic disco wankfests), 'accidentally' lets slip to the jury about Monty's various nefarious exploits and preference for pre-pubescent boys, thus guaranteeing a 15 year stretch inside.

He loses the meagre child visitation rights he had, and never sees his daughter again. She grows up with the psycho ex and soon becomes an ASBO-accruing illiterate benefits fraud, who marries a black wannabe gangster called 'Daryl' and spawns numerous rugrats with charming names like 'Shakeee$ha' and 'Fo-Quee-Quee'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:52, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Modern day Shakespere

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:54, Reply)

'Modern day Shakespere, mean mean strides'
Private joke is private.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:56, Reply)

*Shakespeare
*nods knowingly at private joke*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:57, Reply)

I was using one of the seven spelling variants know to have been used by the man.
*does smartarse Oliver Hardy face whilst wobbling head and twiddling bow tie*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)

As an epilogue
Your pathetic life story will be made into a straight-to-DVD film by Guy Ritchie. You will be played by a 70 year old Julian Clary.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Now you go too far, sir.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

JAMES FUCKING CORDEN

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Are you a 101 years early for this joke?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Wrong album, smartypants.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Hahahahaha I wish I'd never pointed out how fat you are now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:55, Reply)

I must have missed Monty pissing on your chips this morning.
Harsh.
(berk, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:55, Reply)

He likened me to James Corden
And keeps banging on about me being fat.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:58, Reply)

sorry...
about being like a kettle drum because I'm
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Mecha-lol

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:03, Reply)

He likened you to James Corden?!
I think you were quite mild in that case.
(berk, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

You sure he's not only said it once?
And your blubber is simply echoing the words back into your ears again and again?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Hahaha!
It's more funny coming from you because you're actually fat!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Not anymore, chubby!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

AHAHAHA!
Oh this is brilliant!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Very well played.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)