Good Lord, I hope not
All her photos seem to suggest she works in a tanning salon

Or she sells Tango.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:27, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

How can you consider e-mailing someone who doesn't know the difference between the words
'been' and 'bin'?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:29, Reply)

That is understandable
the difference between "share" and "shear" is a bit harder to swallow.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:32, Reply)

I suggest you e-mail her and tell her than her profile is her one chance to make a first impression
And that OT thinks she sounds like a moron.

You'll be doing her a favour.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:35, Reply)

no no no
upload the profile to failblog, then take a screenshot of the page THEN e-mail her that
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:36, Reply)

That's so mean
I read that and figured it was you before I got to the name.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:37, Reply)

Is this the point when you reluctantly tell us you've been mailing her for months?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:39, Reply)

Christ no
that type of English is instant rejection. It was the shear sheer quantity of crapness that made me want to bring it to your attention.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:49, Reply)

What site did you find her on?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:50, Reply)

OKCupid
search for shinehi
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 0:02, Reply)

Surely Lorraine should be on OKStupid?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 0:03, Reply)

I was thinking of emailing her this:
Well, I don't really know what to put here, so here goes! Hi, I'm Lorraine from Nottingham. I'm a laid-back kind of woman and I've been on my own now for about 5 years. I've started to think that life is too short, so it's time to get back out there and meet some one to share it with.

I love nights out, trips to the cinema, and going out for a meal - or just stopping in, cuddled up on the sofa with a bottle of wine and a good film. All the usual stuff, really - I just miss walking down the street holding someone's hand, getting the butterflies and feeling so happy...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:42, Reply)

Add this to the end of it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=au8PhQ87cFw
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:43, Reply)

I'd email back
yeh bet u think ur so much betta than me now becase u ar gud wit words.

Then I'd post your profile picture to failblog, take a screenshot and attach to the above email
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:43, Reply)

Hah do that
I reckon that's a pretty original response that makes your stance clear without taking the piss too harshly. Might encourage her to read a book for once..
(Alfonso Bongo BELL AIRE HORSE EXTRAORDINAIRE, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 0:08, Reply)

*does my B-boy stance*

(Alfonso Bongo BELL AIRE HORSE EXTRAORDINAIRE, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 0:09, Reply)

+ent

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 0:14, Reply)

stanceent? Bent-boy? I r fick an dunt unnerstan

(Alfonso Bongo BELL AIRE HORSE EXTRAORDINAIRE, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 0:21, Reply)

Bent boy.
Sorry, I was going for the cheap laugh.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 27 Feb 2011, 0:22, Reply)

Proper lol at the "or she sells tango"
I might be tempted to use that myself in the future, probably with reference to the orange totty with vacant heads that frequent my local dives. Nice one geezer.
(Alfonso Bongo BELL AIRE HORSE EXTRAORDINAIRE, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 23:32, Reply)