Insomniacs of B3ta, your assistance please
One of my colleagues is complaining that he can't seem to sleep more than 4 or 5 hours a night at the minute. I know you're all thinking "4 or 5 hours? Luxury!" but he's an annoying bastard and won't shut up about it. Apparently "facking loads, mate" of medicinal marijuana hasn't helped. Any other suggestions which might shut him the fuck up would be greatly appreciated.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:35, 7 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

tell him to fucking kill himself and stop whinging.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:36, Reply)

Heavy, solid object to the back of the head.
Sorted.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:37, Reply)

15 inch black rubber cosh?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:38, Reply)

click

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:39, Reply)

Seconded
A very serious POTD contender
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:41, Reply)

This is easily my favourite suggestion so far
All I need is to persuade everyone in the office to turn a simultaneous blind eye. Or a massive distraction
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:43, Reply)

4 or 5 hours? Luxury!
fuck knows. Pot works for me almost every time, but then it's getting to sleep I have trouble with, not waking up all the time. My experience is limited to sorting that problem out.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:39, Reply)

Tell the fat fuck to get some excercise

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:41, Reply)

Tell him to read an article in the newspaper that was out the other day
(I'll try to find it) saying that people who sleep 8-9 h dye (the one of the passing away, not the one of changing your hair colour) younger than those who sleep less. OK, the article said too that 4h was too little, but he doesn't need to know. When he feels good about not being able to sleep, he'll be less stressed about it and then he'll sleep better.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:41, Reply)

This^
Just tell him to read a book or watch some shit TV. No point stressing about it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:42, Reply)

part good/part bad advice there
Stressing about it makes it worse. So does watching tv though. Too stimulating for the brain. Reading is much better for promoting sleep.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Different strokes for different folk
Either works for me
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Masturbation is pretty tiring, yeah

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:54, Reply)

Ambidextwank

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

That sounds like an emo band name

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:00, Reply)

This is an interesting way of looking at it
Thank you my dear
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

You're welcome.
I go through periods of not being able to sleep very well, and the more I think about it, the worse. To the point of getting scared of going to bed because I don't know if I'll be able to sleep, so I try not to think about it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

I know what you mean
I go through phases of not wanting to go to bed despite being knackered because I know I'll be lying awake with my thoughts. Not fun.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

Not at all
I prefer to stay up doing something else, even if it's just watching TV or reading a book, than in bed, turning around and thinking that next day I'm going to be shattered so please, please, go to sleep, please!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)

I don't know if you get this too
but Ms Foxtrot really doesn't like going to bed without me, so I'll usually go up with her even if I know this means hours of lying there, waiting for dawn so it's light enough to read
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:04, Reply)

This^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:05, Reply)

I do get this
But if I'm sleeping well and Mark can't, I prefer if he goes somewhere else than having him there, lying quietly in bed, because, for more than he try, it's not quietly.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Every man should be able to wank quietly

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Just so's you know, it's "die" not "dye"

(Bazongaloid, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Thank you
I never know with those two. They sound the same, don't they?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Yes, they are pronounced the same

(Bazongaloid, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:50, Reply)

This language
doesn't make any sense.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

Says you, your language is full of upside down question marks
and you all lisp.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:53, Reply)

I like the upside down question and exclamation marks
They are a good idea, if a little mental
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:54, Reply)

I think it helps to know
when you're starting your question.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Yeah

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Lisp? What do you mean lisp?
You all have "frenillo"

Frenillo is a funny word. It means that that little bit of string that keeps your tongue connected to the bottom of your mouth it's too short, so you can't roll your "Rs" properly. It's used as slang to say that you have phimosys (the little string on the top of your member it's too short)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:58, Reply)

i no rite!
How can "Flammable" and "Inflammable" mean the same thing? Do you know how many childrens holpitals i've burnt down because of that?

3
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:57, Reply)

haha!
clickityclick
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:59, Reply)

I know!
It'd silly, isn't it? What's the opposite: Ininflammable? Uninflammable? Deinflammable?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:59, Reply)

non-flammable

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:16, Reply)

BTW
There is not medicinal marijuana in this country, is it?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:42, Reply)

yeah, mine is all definitely medicinal
definitely
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:44, Reply)

Can you tell me
the name of your doctor?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Dr Greenthumbs

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:51, Reply)

Nice name
Address?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:51, Reply)

my amusing cypress hill-related joke seems to have passed you by...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

Too many s's.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:53, Reply)

in which bit?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Dr Greenthumb.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

I wasn't sure
it's been a while since I've heard it.

you've got to at least appreciate the reference.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:57, Reply)

You're right
It passed me by, and I can't catch it now.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:00, Reply)

*raises hand for the impending high five*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:51, Reply)

*reciprocates*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

awww yeah

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:53, Reply)

Nah
I was being facetious
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:44, Reply)

Also smoking weed stops some people from sleeping.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

that is true
baccy won't help either.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:46, Reply)

Hmmm.
Pot might work for Vipros but for me it gets my head going so much I can't get to sleep. I'd put this down to a decade of misuse but I've always been like that.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

see, when I'm not stoned my brain is completely wired

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:54, Reply)

Yes, but you're a fucking freak.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:57, Reply)

no arguments from me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:58, Reply)