Russell Brand
Not that I don't hate him - I really, really do - but dealing with abuse is an everyday pasttime for me and he seems to have built a very successful career despite an abject lack of any discernable talent whatsoever. Possibly the most starkly inappropriate case of performance vs reward to be found outside of professional sports.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:19, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

and you'd get to tap katy perry

( zulu eh?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Without having to thoroughly disinfect her first!
Plus the office hot girl has a thing for Brand
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I'd tap her.

I'd tap her on the shoulder and say 'you have epic bosoms but your face is 'meh'. Plus, your husband is an anus'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:28, Reply)

32D is "impressive" rather than "epic" as far as I'm concerned
The rest of your statement is flawless
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:31, Reply)

so what does count as epic?
I trust my 32Js will be satisfactory?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:32, Reply)

Size does not guarantee epic status, in the breasts stakes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:35, Reply)

^this is completely true

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

you mean I have back pain
can't find clothes to fit me
and have boobs almost down to my waist,
And I might STILL not be eipc?

Well, life's not fair.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:46, Reply)

I'm sure they're epic
but size isn't all
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:48, Reply)

*mind boggles*
No, I'm afraid we'll have to invent a new word for those. I'm open to suggestions. Congratulations on becoming the fifth person to enter the B3ta Bra Size Database
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:36, Reply)

it's not really a secret
I can't pretend they're not there...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

You have no much restraint I'm showing right now

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:44, Reply)

your typing seems to be suffering
for 'some' reason
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Why, that's embarrassing
Some of my keys are sticking
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:50, Reply)

on similar lines
watched some of "The Prestige" last night. I have maintained for some time that Scarlett Johansson is really quite ordinary looking and after seeing that last night I am sure I am right.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Yup. Somewhat plain.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:36, Reply)

You've shagged uglier.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:37, Reply)

I think most of her appeal can be found slightly lower than her face
She's good-looking but far from striking
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

What did you think of the movie?
Not you, Monty, Bowie's in it so you're bound to love it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:37, Reply)

I actually quite like it
not the first time I've seen it, I must add.

I wish I'd read the book first, because knowing what happened sort of spoiled it somewhat, but the book is worth a go anyway.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Thank you for the recommendation
I really enjoyed the film, but I am a huge fan of Christopher Nolan
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:43, Reply)

Gosh, I'd bounce that in Iron Man 2, certainly.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Stewart Lee put it best, I feel:
"[Brand's] day job of thinking up cutesy, diminutive, Mr Men names for his own penis...makes him sound like a child molester, who is trying to convince himself to allow himself to molest himself."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)