That last thread RIP.
Who, other than yourself, would you like to be?

And why?

Alt: do you agree that 'Neil Gaiman' sounds like an instruction given by DF to an anonymous man in the bushes of Bloomsbury Square*?


*did you know that they had to reduce the bushes to almost nothing to prevent people from bumming in them? Charming.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:00, 93 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

If I can answer this on behalf of Darth..
'H from Steps'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Fuck the fuck off
I did find it enormously amusing that his name is actually Ian Watkins, so the "H" must have just stood for Homosexual. Cos we couldn't tell otherwise, of course.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Or "Harvey," which I think is a good contemporary alternative to "Joey"

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)

My friend had dinner with him a couple of times
He's annoying apparently... no shit
(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Welsh person in 'is annoying' shocker

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Scotch person in "is grumpy" shocker

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:08, Reply)

You've upset me now
Please tell Ms Foxtrot that I'm inordinately fond of you, and if you weren't a massive bumder I'd be after you myself.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:10, Reply)

That would be substantially worse
Nonetheless I choose to take this statement at face value *smugs*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:11, Reply)

I can't fucking win, can I?
See, this is why I don't have female friends.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I'd have thought that was boob envy

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:16, Reply)

It's a matter of finding the right ones

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:27, Reply)

I must say
the ladies on here do seem to be very nice types. But I generally find women too bitchy/needy/whiny to be friends with. And men are so much easier to manipulate, even though I try not to do it too much...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Sorry Amberl
I'm choosing to read this as a response to my post
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:32, Reply)

So did I, at first
it's all about the boobs...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:33, Reply)

l ways
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:38, Reply)

Wow, that 'Steps Factbook' really was worth buying after all, then?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Useless info innit
I believe my capacity for retaining that sort of trivia is well established.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:07, Reply)

actually
it stood for "hyperactive".

but "homo" is much much better.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:22, Reply)

You bloody what?
How on EARTH do you know that? Even I didn't know that!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:24, Reply)

read an interview with him once
back when they were famous.

i said to my friend "ooh guess what that twat h says the h stands for" and she said "er, homosexual?"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:35, Reply)

Given that Steps' target demographic was 8-12 year olds
and they were famous in the mid-90s, I conclude that you are either lying about your age (in the wrong direction) or have phenomenally poor music taste
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:39, Reply)

i never lie about my age
the photos say it all.

however, my friend did buy 4 tickets and drag us to see them. best gig ever in terms of getting served at the bar...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 13:04, Reply)

see
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ian_Watkins_(Steps)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I didn't know he was gay.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

Hahahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Arsene Wenger
so I can bid for Joey Barton.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Barton Deacon

He'd only need one football boot as well.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:06, Reply)

He'd shore up their shaky midfield

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:07, Reply)

expert dribbler as well

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:08, Reply)

My copy of Deacon's book is due to me ANY DAY NOW.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:11, Reply)

I hope you'll be posting some choice quotes from it.
When I looked at getting a copy of the book, it seemed very expensive for what it was.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)

It's coming from the US.
Not quite the same market for Deaconabilia over there so my brother said it was around a tenner for the hardback.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:13, Reply)

That's a bargain.
Also. I'm loving the word 'Deaconabilia' - well done.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Alt: very good
Is that true about the bushes?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:08, Reply)

Apparently so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)

This is going to cause some conflict in the Foxtrot household
The missus is a conservationist and will doubtless blame my people for this destruction of plant life
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Does Mrs Foxtrot like her bush unkempt?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:28, Reply)

I will not dignify your perversity with a response, save for this;
a) it's MS Foxtrot, that's very important
b) 5-3 (aggregate)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:33, Reply)

I think in most circles, that would be considered a response.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:44, Reply)

True, I was responding to him
But without answering his question. Is it still an answer if I reply but without addressing said question?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Probably not an answer.
But it was still a response. Which you said you wouldn't provide.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:54, Reply)

I am chastised
And I'm sure you feel dirty now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:57, Reply)

This is quite a common thing for local councils to do.
My conservation group was asked to remove the lower branches from all the trees on a local picnic site in direct view from a busy A road (near MK). The local shirt lifters were then in full view of the speeding commuters. It didn't put them off their stroke, and there were more complaints when we had finished our work.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:31, Reply)

"And if you look to your right, you can observe a recently-pruned local beauty spot....
...currently displaying several young men practicing their rimming skills"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:34, Reply)

I'd like to be someone with working joints
a working respiratory system, and an efficient metabolism.

As long as that person wasn't a minger, obviously. I do have some standards.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Dammit
Foiled at the last
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Maybe if you ask Santa Claus....?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Santa Claus is dead, Monty
Nick Clegg cut his funding, and the darkies ate him.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Well you appear to be taking this very well. Well done, it'll get easier in time.

*hugs*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Someone with a more interesting life than mine
which really doesn't rule out many people
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Russell Brand
Not that I don't hate him - I really, really do - but dealing with abuse is an everyday pasttime for me and he seems to have built a very successful career despite an abject lack of any discernable talent whatsoever. Possibly the most starkly inappropriate case of performance vs reward to be found outside of professional sports.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:19, Reply)

and you'd get to tap katy perry

( zulu eh?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Without having to thoroughly disinfect her first!
Plus the office hot girl has a thing for Brand
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I'd tap her.

I'd tap her on the shoulder and say 'you have epic bosoms but your face is 'meh'. Plus, your husband is an anus'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:28, Reply)

32D is "impressive" rather than "epic" as far as I'm concerned
The rest of your statement is flawless
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:31, Reply)

so what does count as epic?
I trust my 32Js will be satisfactory?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:32, Reply)

Size does not guarantee epic status, in the breasts stakes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:35, Reply)

^this is completely true

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

you mean I have back pain
can't find clothes to fit me
and have boobs almost down to my waist,
And I might STILL not be eipc?

Well, life's not fair.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:46, Reply)

I'm sure they're epic
but size isn't all
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:48, Reply)

*mind boggles*
No, I'm afraid we'll have to invent a new word for those. I'm open to suggestions. Congratulations on becoming the fifth person to enter the B3ta Bra Size Database
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:36, Reply)

it's not really a secret
I can't pretend they're not there...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

You have no much restraint I'm showing right now

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:44, Reply)

your typing seems to be suffering
for 'some' reason
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Why, that's embarrassing
Some of my keys are sticking
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:50, Reply)

on similar lines
watched some of "The Prestige" last night. I have maintained for some time that Scarlett Johansson is really quite ordinary looking and after seeing that last night I am sure I am right.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Yup. Somewhat plain.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:36, Reply)

You've shagged uglier.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:37, Reply)

I think most of her appeal can be found slightly lower than her face
She's good-looking but far from striking
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

What did you think of the movie?
Not you, Monty, Bowie's in it so you're bound to love it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:37, Reply)

I actually quite like it
not the first time I've seen it, I must add.

I wish I'd read the book first, because knowing what happened sort of spoiled it somewhat, but the book is worth a go anyway.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Thank you for the recommendation
I really enjoyed the film, but I am a huge fan of Christopher Nolan
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:43, Reply)

Gosh, I'd bounce that in Iron Man 2, certainly.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Stewart Lee put it best, I feel:
"[Brand's] day job of thinking up cutesy, diminutive, Mr Men names for his own penis...makes him sound like a child molester, who is trying to convince himself to allow himself to molest himself."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

right now
i'd be anybody over me.

ANYBODY.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:19, Reply)

Even Bert?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:21, Reply)

if you could see the piece of work i am grappling with....
if i had a sister, i'd fuck her sweaty clunge ten times over rather than untangle this piece of property!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Bert?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Hahahahaha
I'm sure Bert is very happy that his internet legacy is being the automatic choice of barrel-scraping
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:23, Reply)

the bat eared cunt rag will be watching no doubt.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:23, Reply)

any minute now
he'll come out of the woodwork sobbing 'I'm the best all of you have ever had'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:26, Reply)

he's probably fwapping off right now.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Bert, as a baby:

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Kill it with hammers
then incinerate it, just to be sure.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Someone with lots of money
Not lots of credit card debt. It seems having an 'emergency credit card' is a great idea until you qualify everything boring and expensive (house/car insurance, MOT, car tax etc) as an emergency because you forgot you have to pay it every damn year.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:24, Reply)

I hear ya brother.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Lusty! *wiggles eyebrows*
Or someone with a brain so I could be an astrophysist.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:40, Reply)

astrophysisist

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:41, Reply)

And you
AstrophysiCist

And I got a "D" at GCSE Physics. Cos it was fucking boring.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:42, Reply)

oops.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:43, Reply)

I so rarely get to correct anyone!
Apologies for smartarsery
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:50, Reply)

I'm sorry to do this to you darling
But even I, with my much-heralded disregard for science, know you're backing your point up by mis-spelling your intended profession
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:42, Reply)

I thought I did pretty well getting it so nearly correct.

( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:43, Reply)

Being corrected by me is something of a nadir for any B3tan

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 12:54, Reply)