Good morning fellow OTters
I'm on the countdown to my (hopefully) final spine op which will be the awesomely named '3 level bilateral posterior cervical foraminotomy'.

Amuse me with your lolwacky hospital stories.

:alt
Anyone had notification of their Olympics tickets yet?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 16 May 2011, 10:46, 22 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I once broke the scaphoid bone in my wrist
tripping over a dog at 4am after a long day out. The cast they put on was chafing my hand next to the little finger so I tried to cut a bit away to ease it. Turns out, casts are quite hard so I went back to the hospital and they gave me a massive lecture about trying to cut the cast off. FUCKING IDIOTS
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I once went for a 3 level bilateral posterior cervical foraminotomy
it was very painful and I ended up dead.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 May 2011, 10:58, Reply)

again

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 May 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I once ended up in hosiptal after a fight against some triads
I had killed 3 of them and maimed the others, but they had managed to cut my arm off with a samurai sword. i had packed the arm in frozen fish fingers to stop it rotting and ran the 26 1/4 miles to the hospital only for A&E to be shitting busy, so i helped the triage nurse by punching some dislocated shoulders back into place and performing some heart surgery on the side.

When they finally got round to sewing my arm back on the doctor was a super fit woman and was so impressed by my fighting and healing skills that she had full sex with in on the operating theatre whilst a homeless man bled to death outside waiting, BOOYA!

EDIT: i forgot to say I then discharged myself all over her face, then I discharged myself from the hospital and drove home in my Honda ACCORD whilst smoking Crysatal Meth.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Where's the Honda Accord?
Not a proper story without it sorry.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 16 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

with in what?
I think there may be an element of untruth about this one
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Sir! Sir!! NakedApe's passing off my life story as his own sir.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Alas, Placid is not Hood-Butter.

( Kroney, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:33, Reply)

The Olympics?
Expensive School Sports Day, for those who haven't grown up.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 16 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

At least they don't have parents races like a normal school sports day.
Mind you, that sounds more fun.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

A spacehopper race would be cool.
For the fatties who can't do anything else.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 16 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Count me in.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Is this a self referencing post?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Egg and spoon champ mate.
Blu-Tac helped.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 16 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

I skateboarded off the top of the Eiffel Tower and hurt my winkle.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

*kisses better*

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 16 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

ha ha ha ha
careful it's starting to weep
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:16, Reply)

I was in hospital with back problems.
The old boy next to me died about midnight. His grieving family came and cried for the rest of the night at his bed side.

I couldn't get a wink of sleep.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

What an inconsiderate cunt
Could he not die in the morning or something?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

This is what I thought.
The nurses could have just left him till morning.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

He might have started to smell

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Bung him in the fridge then.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 16 May 2011, 11:31, Reply)