Today I shall mainly be watching F1 practice/qualifying whilst pretending to work
What are you pretending to do today?

In other news, I burnt a hole in my jumper accidentally this morning, it made me do a sad :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 9:30, 61 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm pretending to be a mighty Norse warrior king.
This is something I am always doing to a greater or lesser extent. The reality is that I'm cancelling standing orders and noting down my direct debits as I prepare to do a runner from NatWest, hence the retreat into fantasy-land.

In other news, I've just slept for 24hrs, bar a couple of interruptions. I feel fucking weird but I'm nomming on down on some nomalicious sossies which is helping. English mustard is good for colds.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

You sound weird... almost.... happy?
Are you running from Natwest into a newer better finance system or are you going underground?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:02, Reply)

To do the former I first have to do the latter.
To sort out an insolvency agreement you have to set up a new bank account and get your salary paid into it, and all the essential DDs (utilities, child maintenance, mortgage etc.) switched over, then you abandon the account and all of the payments you're having trouble with (loans, credit cards etc.), it's like scuttling a ship. The whole thing is extremely dishonourable and I have to keep reminding myself that these are financial institutions, not people as such, to stop me from feeling so bad. If I could convince myself that I am just a victim of the system and the EVIL BANKERS and NICK CLEGG, as opposed to merely a financial cretin, I'd be even happier but this isn't likely, sadly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Well as long as you're learning from this old chap
if you're in the same position again in a year then we may have to get you put away for your own good
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:14, Reply)

The 'good' thing is that with an IVA in place
no one will give me credit for five years whether I like it or not, anyway.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

But then you'll be all debt free and maybe even be able to save a few pennies
I'll treat you to a Tayyabs at some point :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)

*blubs* thank you, TGB, that would be lovely of you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:24, Reply)

get your people to talk to my people
and I'll get you scheduled in
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

*opens Filofax*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

F1 - I know nothing about this grossly expensive exercise in tedium, so please excuse what may be a stupid question,
but why don't they all have the same car? Surely it's like boxing matches between different weights, but where weight = budget, no? They're not racing on an equal footing so it's a much an engineering contest as a driving one, surely? I DON'T UNDERSTAAAAAAND.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Yeah pretty much
The cars aren't even necessarily the same within the same team as they may bring updates for one car and not the other. It's a good way to kill a few hours at work though and with the new regs to make overtaking easier it has become somewhat more exciting
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)

I only enjoy the crashes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:20, Reply)

You should watch the MotoGP then
bike crashes are always better

OOH one of the cars is on fire!!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

They can be pretty spectacular
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOBKA9q_DWU
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:49, Reply)

I'm pretending that my flat isn't a massive tip
because I have absolutely zero desire to tidy it up. So far it's working rather well.
(berk, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I'm slightly envious of peopel that can happily live in a mess
I spent all day cleaning Thursday and I felt fantastic afterwards. Scrubbed all the skirting boards and light switches, gave the hob a good scrubbing so the kitchen sparkles. Oh and I swept the roof garden, it looks so much bigger!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Within two days the kitchen will doubtless be splattered with deep-fried marshmallows etc so enjoy it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)

haha
gonz has never used the frier again! Everything once, that's how it works ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)

In this instance that's probably a good thing.
Although my mother had one and it meant that we could have CHEESE EGGS which are fucking brilliant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

....tell me more

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:28, Reply)

They are basically scotch eggs, but in place of the breadcrumbs you put cheese.
They'd make Gillian McKeith break down in tears - a good thing in itself - but they taste incredible.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

oh one of the chefs on a cooking channel was making scotch eggs
with black pudding. I think he has a stall at the market near you actually?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

I know his stall well.
The black pudding ones are delicious. So much so that I bought one a little while back, then went back and had another. £7 on scotch eggs in an hour - no wonder I'm fucking bankrupt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

ahaha
I will have to wander down and check those out then! In fact all his stuff looks amazing. I may have to wait till payday
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

That whole farmer's market is fucking brilliant.
Not least for the house prices round here.
Idiot with money I may be, but I've still got £90k equity in my flat.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)

it's only going to take me about an hour to get there as well GLESS

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:42, Reply)

It's not as bad as I made out, really
there's a sink full of washing up and a pile of stuff on the living room floor, and I need to hoover. It'll take me 30 mins, tops. I'm still ignoring it though.
(berk, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I've got a good couple of hours to do.
Since my ex told me there was no way my daughter will be staying over until she's 'at least five' my flat has gone to shit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Your ex needs her knees broken
but I suppose if she's being reasonable about giving you access at her own place, that's something at least. Why won't she let your daughter stay at yours?
(berk, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Because monty's house is made of drugs

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

But as I recall
the ex isn't a great deal better in that regard? Besides, I'm sure Monty behaves himself around his little 'un and that if she were to visit, anything and everything naughty would be safely stashed away. I'm sure the ex knows that, too.
(berk, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

She knows that good and well.
She knows for sure that I'd never in a million years let her come to harm or even see any of that stuff. She knows it but pretends that's a concern. Despite the fact that when she handed my daughter over to me a couple of weeks ago she was blatantly coked out of her mind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

You daughter will be a very interesting case of nature vs nurture

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)

She's being brought up brilliantly, though.
For an only child she knows very well that sharing is good, snatching stuff is bad, etc. - compared with the girl upstairs who's a few months older, she's an angel. She gets overexcited rather than tantrummy, and when she does this her mother gets her to sit on her bed for a couple of minutes to calm down. So far so good, it seems.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:50, Reply)

well that's good to hear

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Because she knows how much I and my family want it and therefore because she can say no, she does.
I can sympathise a little - my mother recently pointed out that as a mother, you don't trust ANYONE with your child, even if you're married to them it's hard to let the child out of your sight, but there's an undercurrent of spite to all this which is most definitely not just a genetic desire to protect one's offspring.

Still, I was allowed to take her to my mother's 60th last Sunday which she'd been saying no to for about 6 months. That was a fairly major event.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Of course I've never met her
and am never likely to, so I shouldn't pre-judge...but your ex really does sound like a fucking disgraceful excuse for a human being. Using your kid as a pawn in some mindgame is just not on. I'm really happy for you that you got to take her to your mother's birthday bash, though.
(berk, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Today
I shall attempt to install an outside tap it looks fairly straightforward and it means I will have fulfilled yet another dream. Having an external tap will put an end to all the ballache I have to go through at the moment iif I want to wash the car, windows or the kids. Another piece of the "I am a proper adult" jigsaw will be put in place.



Still got lots of pieces to go mindye.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Hello old bean.
I'm doing those psilos next Saturday - all of the auguries are favourable: bank holiday, Hawkwind gig, plenty of greens etc. I really cannot wait.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Nice one
Will you make a nice cup of tea, munch them or make the missus eat them, then drink her piss, Norse style?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Definitely the last one.
Failing that I'll chop them into a powder and just eat them washed down with beer. That way I can ingest them during the support act so by the time the world's favourite septuagenarian space rockers take to the stage I shall be suitably 'prepared'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I saw Hawkwind coming up on acid one time
Their light show was mesmerising, as was their female dancer. Really enjoyed it to be honest, very hypnotic. Then Aphex Twin came on and ripped me a new arsehole. Great night all in.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I bought reissue of the first Neu! LP a while back
and was interested (but not terribly surprised) to see that the sleeve notes were written by Dave Brock of Hawkwind. 'Hallogallo' could easily be by the Hawks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I bought the reissued Liquid Liquid records recently.
Cavern, Scraper, Optimo and Bellhead are all fucking fantastic.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

I only really know Cavern, from its 'sampled in hip hop' status.
It's a great, great tune.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

check out the others I mentioned.
Scraper especially.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Just checking it now, nice tune.
Very much in the ESG camp. I used to have ESG's drum towel as my bathmat - they supported some mates of mine and I nicked it out of their dressing room.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

psychonauts remixed it.
Optimo is great too. Big tune.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Alright, lad?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:16, Reply)

This is doing it for me today:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZFuwRKCaSA&feature=related
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:17, Reply)

It's rare that a tune can make me want to take psychedelic drugs at 11:30 on a Saturday morning
when I've a stinking cold, but this one is doing it.


Actually it's not rare at all. That's a lie.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Brilliant album
although I am kinda glad I never saw them recently when they toured. Without Klaus Dinger it would have been a hollow experience. The clips I saw looked a bit ropey as well, the drums sounded forced as opposed to flowing. I think I'm gonna treat myself to a pre-noon spliff and get on with external chores!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:18, Reply)

I heard them on some internet radio thing at some festival in Spain: they sounded fucking rubbish.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Its a shame
Because if they had gotten their finger out a bit earlier, before death got in on the act. the gigs could have been spectacular.

Maybe we could form our own tribute band and play all the coolest festivals. We could call ourselves NEU HAZE!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Hahahahaha that's hilarious.
We could lighten the mood mid-set by playing The Wall in its entirety.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:39, Reply)

YES
But why stop with The Wall? Let's play the whole fucking back catalogue, that will blow their minds and, and , and we could possibly do an encore with the La Dusseldorf albums, just to get back track. The whole festival would be in the palm of our hands.

Monty, I am trembling with anticipation. I think I'm gonna fly my helicopter and have sex with an ex-model by way of a celebration.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Aww monty I just saw
this pic of your daughter
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:50, Reply)

God what's happened to her face?
Still, at least I know where my action figure has gone, now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

next weekend I will be pretending to be
an Egyptian vengeance cult member.

This week, I will be pretending I will get around to tidying the house
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 21 May 2011, 12:52, Reply)

I had my doggybag of ribs last night and today I can't stop thinking about them so I might get them for dinner tonight, or maybe sushi, I donno.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 21 May 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Man down

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 21 May 2011, 21:52, Reply)