I'd lock the two of you in a cage and sell tickets to watch the resulting carnage
Wipe-clean clothes preferable for audience members.

Alt: I have two answers for this - Budvar or Tiger for "readily available for home consumption", Estrella for "feeling rich enough to pay nearly £4 a pint in a poncey bar"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:26, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Budvar is lovely

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I used to love the stuff, but I've gone off it recently.
I prefer it bottled to in pints though.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

I don't like it at all. Too strong-flavoured for a lager.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

I'm quite a fan of the harsher lagers, even the shitty ones
Corona, Becks, Stella, Budvar, etc are all fine by me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Me too
I can't drink Carling, Fosters and all that stuff. Tastes of fuck all

Corona is odd for me - doesn't get me drunk at all
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Tastes of shit, you mean.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Yes, thats it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:53, Reply)

A 'decent' Carling is a good pint for lunchtime in some pubs round here
Because I only ever want one.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

"A decent Carling"
is an oxymoron if ever there was one.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

The only alternative in these places are £5 pints that I can spend a full day drinking (Peroni, Amstel) or even worse pisswater (Fosters)
On lunchtime pints, I always try to stick to one pint, unless there is a decent ale on.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:45, Reply)

I'm going to raise "Oasis song" as the ultimate oxymoron
but I agree in principle
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:46, Reply)

This assumes that I would lose
One kick to the hip and Monty is down and out
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Not at all
You'd batter him. Or bum him. Whichever took your fancy.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Bar in Congleton does Tiger on tap
Absolutely fucking superb.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That sounds bloody amazing
There's a couple of places here that have Peroni on tap. They know me there.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)

2 in Macc for that
£3.40 in one place, £3.80 in the other.

In Alderley Edge it's £4.30 a pint, and that's not even one of the 'trendy' places.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:46, Reply)

I wish you didn't live so bloody far away mate
If the place that sells it for £3.40 shows the football we could have a proper laugh there of an afternoon
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Sadly not, although it does spectacular food.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 May 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Find us a decent gig round your way and we'll make a day of it

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 25 May 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Shall keep an eye out

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

My local (proper Italian) pizzeria does Peroni on tap.
They chill the (rather attractive) glasses too. It's perfection.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Lovely stuff
The bar I frequent for its Peroni never seems to have the appropriate glass available, mostly because people nick them. I've never been bothered about the type of glass I drink out of until I was served Peroni in a Fosters glass. Blasphemous.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:51, Reply)

served Peroni in anally violated by
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 May 2011, 10:53, Reply)

"Violated" implies it was a struggle

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

I'm sure it started out as one
but then as the coolness of the glass probed the rim of your quivering rectum, you realised that there was no use in struggling and caved in, quite literally.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 May 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Perhaps once upon a time
I have an anus like the TARDIS these days. And no, I don't mean that if it explodes it will destroy the universe. As has been proven a couple of times this morning already.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 25 May 2011, 10:58, Reply)

The £3.40 place has to serve it in Kronenberg glasses for the same reason
It doesn't actually take very much away from it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 May 2011, 11:01, Reply)