I've been in for 20 minutes. Breakfast is for poofters.
At 11am I am being shown an online demo for a accounting/retail software package that, if it does what it's supposed to and we go with it, will utterly transform my working life and those of my immediate staff. However this will be third time lucky as our previous attempts to acquire similar have been inmitigated disasters.

One of them meant I had to spend far, far too long in close proximity to a rancid, haggard old lezzer with tawdry gold jewellery who reeked like she got through 80 Capstans a day, the foul old witch. She was from Portsmouth *shudders*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:25, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

If there's one thing I've learned in my years Monty, it's this.
No computer program will ever do what it's supposed to do and none of them will ever save you time.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:26, Reply)

You know I hate to agree with Al, Monty
You know that, don't you?

He's right, though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:30, Reply)

YEAH!
IN YOUR FACE HOMOSEXUAL MAN!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:36, Reply)

THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:38, Reply)

BECAUSE HE'S GAY AND WANTS A PENIS TO BE RUBBED ON HIS FACE!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:39, Reply)

He was talking to you.
You bender.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:39, Reply)

I have no seen no evidence to the contrary in 16 years of work.
Even my company's retail website (the architecture for which is used by shitloads of sensible and successful companies) has some frankly baffling inadequacies.

However so much of the back office stuff here is still done manually (with its associated time costs and error potential) removing two of these jobs will mean I need one less employee. I have someone leaving soon and won't need to replace them. I have absolutely no hope that I will achieve this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:32, Reply)

We had a piece of CRM software brought in, with the seller telling us it would change the way we worked.
It could have been brilliant, but with any of these softwares, if you put shit information in, you're going to get shit out.

Add to that the slow running, the crashes that happen at the worst times, and you have a shitty piece of software we paid a lot of money for.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:45, Reply)

We write CRM software....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:47, Reply)

You don't work for DDS do you?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Nope

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:49, Reply)

Good
*uncocks rifle*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Can't say I've heard of them actually!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 9:02, Reply)

That's because they're shit.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Obvious, tired Kroney reference
ty piece of software

+ a terrifying woman in an SS uniform calling herself Helga to freeze, violate us each in turn with, pausing only in between rounds to add bulk to the weapon with her own effluent.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:47, Reply)

what's a capstan?

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:33, Reply)

Really fucking strong, filterless cigarettes for sailors.
I used to know a lad that smoked them - they had 'HIGH TAR' on them like it was a good thing, that they were proud of.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:35, Reply)

ewwwww.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 17 Jun 2011, 8:36, Reply)

it's also a big winch on large sailing ships used for hauling up the anchor and things like that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Yes but this woman did not smoke 80 nautical winches a day.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 9:21, Reply)

how disappointing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 9:56, Reply)

It's a type of hat, Ollie.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I think this is my best ever post.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I think it is possibly the best thing ever posted on an internet forum

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 9:57, Reply)

It's a contender.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I think it will be sadly underappreciated

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 10:02, Reply)