Current house euphemisms for wanking are
"peeling one off" and "going to M&S"

Sex is "Touching the velvet".

I hate "Spend a penny"
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:29, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I hate "little boys room"
sounds noncy to me.

I don't get the M&S one
(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:30, Reply)

The weirdest place my housemate ever had a wank was apparently
the toilets in Marks and Spencer when he was on work experience there.

I don't like any euphemisms that sound like they're for children. It's all a bit creepy.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)

I really don't get the idea of wanking in toilets.
For weirdos that is, weirdos.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)

I concur
also, into a sock
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Much better to do it into your mouth like Darth

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:34, Reply)

it's really quite simple
it's having a wank, but in a toilet. What's hard to understand?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:38, Reply)

How to get a good enough 3g connection for streaming video

(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Wasn't 'tipping the velvet' used as a euphemism for cunnilingus in Victorian times?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Thats where we got it from.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Ahh

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:34, Reply)

"Touching the Velvet" is a bit close to "touching cloth" for my liking

(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:34, Reply)

That's what I was thinking.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:39, Reply)

I never thought about it like that
...thanks.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Enjoy your shit sex

(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:41, Reply)

Oh cripes, I'm really 'nuzzlin' the muslin' here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:46, Reply)

I've never used it in relation to my own sex.
But then I never really announce what I'm about to go and do.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:48, Reply)

That would be a little weird.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Hey baby, how do you feel about touching cloth?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 15:01, Reply)

"ATTENTION EVERYONE"
"WE'RE NOW GOING FOR A SHAG. IN THE ROOM NEXT TO THIS ONE. ENJOY LISTENING!"
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 15:11, Reply)

My housemate practically skips to the bedroom grinning.
It's very obvious.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 15:12, Reply)

LIES


God that took far too long
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 15:22, Reply)

You fucking genius.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Ta, took to long to do though
Everyone's down there
|
V
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 15:35, Reply)

And Edwardian I think
there was a TV show called that with Keeley Hawes and her boobs in it.
( Kroney, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)

And a very good show it was!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)

I am learning loads of things today.

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:37, Reply)

You are never more than ten feet from a rat

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:39, Reply)

I read that as rant and agreed.

( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:47, Reply)

oi
:(
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:48, Reply)

Wut! I wasn't being disrespectful missus.

( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 14:50, Reply)