over 200 replies means time for a new thread.
And it has fallen to me to kick things off.

Q- who would win in a jelly wrestle, Fiona Bruce or Sian Williams?

Alt Q- who would win in a battle of wits, Paxman or Monty?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:23, 105 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Q - the only winners would be the viewing public, and whoever sells the tickets
Alt Q - Score draw. One of them is a horrible cunt who relentlessly badgers the opponent with obtuse references and unnecessary long words, and the other is Paxman, etc.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Personally, I'd rather see Paxman and Monty in the jelly.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:31, Reply)

that option is not on the table.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Damn fucking right it's not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Well, you're no fun.
In other news, I have spilled a little bit of chocolate on my dress. I look like I've spent the evening at Kroney's house.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:35, Reply)

HAH!
You wish.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Too right, you'd have covered the bitch in shit

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Who are you calling a bitch, fuckface?
I'm a fucking Lady.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:37, Reply)

The day I ever see a lady round these parts, is the day I ...
it's just not gonna happen
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Hahaha
When I was a teenager there was a lad nicknamed 'choc-pants' because Shelley Smith claimed she went round his house and there were some skiddy pants on the floor. When she pointed them out he said 'that's not shit, it's chocolate' and licked the skids to prove it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:38, Reply)

ewwwww

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:39, Reply)

That is hanging.

( Kroney, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:41, Reply)

www.playgroundlaw.com/cgi-bin/browse.pl?sid=336
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Hahaha what the fuck?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Text your brother and call him 'Nick Brown'
But don't tell him why. You could keep this going for ages.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:56, Reply)

Hahahahaha
www.playgroundlaw.com/cgi-bin/browse.pl?sid=5473
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:56, Reply)

hahahahahahaha x1000

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:59, Reply)

Why isn't this in the shops?
www.playgroundlaw.com/cgi-bin/browse.pl?sid=2587
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:00, Reply)

How fucking odd.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:02, Reply)

Okay. Which story did you post...
www.playgroundlaw.com/cgi-bin/browse.pl?sid=261
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:03, Reply)

Hahaha they're good. Very good.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:05, Reply)

Alt: I would threaten to overrule him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Would you overrule him?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:35, Reply)

Hahaha
It's late, we're tired, and I can't be arsed to go back over the rest of the day's contributions - POTD
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:35, Reply)

Let me know when you schedule the Wendy Hurrell jelly fight.
I don't care who she's in the ring with.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:35, Reply)

Is she the East Anglia weather girl?
I have heard of her from someone who had the Right Fucking Horn for her.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:37, Reply)

She's on BBC London now
She's proper hot.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:41, Reply)

So I've heard.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:43, Reply)

The local East Anglia girl is Becky Mantin
She's well fit. My ex-housemate was dating her sister when he lived with me. She was also fit, but a boring cow.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:43, Reply)

For some reason
I read that as 'Ricky Martin'. It seemed perfectly fitting for you, somehow.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Hahaha
Played
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:49, Reply)

Bird with short hair.
Hurrell's fitter.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:45, Reply)

can we take the Qs seriously please?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:37, Reply)

Of course.
I think Bruce would win the wrestle-off with Williams based on her height/weight advantage.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:40, Reply)

I bet Williams would be a better dirty fighter though
Them Welsh birds are dorty.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:41, Reply)

i only know monty so i vote for him
In other news chocolate banana pudding ftw!

Fuck you Ape, it's not mousse.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:52, Reply)

Chocolate and banana is always win.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:53, Reply)

and that's why you mah dawg

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Next time you have a barbecue
Get some nice fresh bananas, leave the skin on and slice down one side of it. Stuff the banana with chocolate wrap it in foil and place in on the barbecue until the chocolate melts and the banana is warm.

Barbecued chocolate bananas. DONE!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:58, Reply)

haaaawwwwwwwwwww

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:00, Reply)

What does that mean?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:01, Reply)

She's calling you a prostitute.
What you should also try is injecting bananas with a rum syrup through the skin and then barbecuing them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:04, Reply)

Curried banana is a fantastic salad dish

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:05, Reply)

something like "omg"

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:06, Reply)

That still doesn't say if you approve or are disgusted with the thought of barbecued 'nanas.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:07, Reply)

approve
you say "haaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww" when lusting after something
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:18, Reply)

Woo!
You should make 'em the next time you have a barbecue. Your friends will be all 'Wow. That Kristine totally rocks the barbecue banana world, like' and they'll invite you to loads of other barbecues on the strength of it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:24, Reply)

then they'd want me around ALL the time
and I don't like people
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:36, Reply)

Well just make 'em yourself in the oven and don't tell your friends.
That way, you'll have lovely warm chocolate and bananas and your friends won't. But when you see your friends you could tell them about it, but say it's a big secret and if they want to know how to make them they'll have to google it themselves - or give you money.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:39, Reply)

yesssssss!
to put towards the "kristine buys a plane ticket then is asked to get off the plane because she's too fat" fund!
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:40, Reply)

Did you ever get round to getting a passport?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:58, Reply)

this weekend I'm going to fill out the application

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:00, Reply)

And then you can spend your time looking for a country to visit that isn't 'fucking bent'
Do you get a generous amount of paid annual leave you can build up?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:04, Reply)

pffffffffffffffft no
in fact, I only get a weeks vacation, and that week is decided by the boss, when the whole operation closes
and I usually get my week pay ahead of time
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:10, Reply)

That really is bent.
So if you wanted to go away for 2 or 3 weeks, would you have to quit your job?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:15, Reply)

I doubt it.
But I know I would probably never be able to go on a trip that long by myself because I wouldn't save up the money.
It would take me years to save up that sort of cash.

On friday I calculated saving from that day up to the end of august and I wouldn't be able to afford a flight to London by then.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:20, Reply)

Are flights quite expensive?
Within Europe you can (subject to taxes/handling fees) get some really cheap flights. I've flown from Bristol to Dublin before with a ticket price of a penny (granted, by the time you add in various extras like airport tax it came to about twenty-five quid, but it isn't a lot).

The flight I took to Ibiza the other week was less than £100 return.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:23, Reply)

around $900

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:28, Reply)

And with a dollar only buying you about £0.60 pence at the moment
It would be hugely expensive to come over at the moment.

A pint would cost you between £3 and £4 - or about six/six and a half dollars a drink.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:32, Reply)

reckon I shouldn't come then?

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:36, Reply)

Not saying that. I'd just be mindful that the UK isn't exactly a cheap place to visit.
Bar getting drunk with the Internet, what would you like to do whilst in the UK?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:37, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1247016
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:42, Reply)

Have a look at
www.visitengland.com

It might help you decide what you want to do, where you want to go and it might help you work out your budget.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:45, Reply)

Susannah reid

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:29, Reply)

wrong answer.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:49, Reply)

Hate to admit it Bobby
But I agree with you about this.
(888777555, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:50, Reply)

Oh yippee I cannot express how full of joy that makes me...
You pimply little oik.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:52, Reply)

My racially mixed genetic make up gives me flawless skin :-P
I dunno why I'm holding back, this is the only chance I'll get to verbally assault a member of the teaching profession without consequences.
(888777555, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:57, Reply)

Fuck off crumpet holder

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:13, Reply)

Post deleter

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:57, Reply)

It was getting no replies. I decided the arguments that could arise from it were not worth it.

(888777555, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:59, Reply)

Do you know who would win in a jelly wrestling fight between Me, Chickenlady, Kristine, Roota, B3th, Applebite, Kitty, Clendrix, Lusty and...ermmm.... Al's Misses?
Me, because I'm a bloke, therefore supiror in every way, I'll just yell "SHOES" or something.

Nah', only kidding, the jelly wins.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 18:30, Reply)

too much sexy for one kiddie pool

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:00, Reply)

I don't like shoes but I like jelly.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:04, Reply)

Did you have a pair of jelly-bean shoes for trips to the seaside
So you could investigate rock pools without hurting yourself?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:05, Reply)

I didn't investigate rock pools.
I was a total wussy mong.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:06, Reply)

rock pools are nothing to fear.
You might find a small cat-fish or a crab or something.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:08, Reply)

Or fall over and cut yourself

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:09, Reply)

That's why you need jelly bean shoes!
And if you do fall over and cut yourself, you might get bought a Funny-feet or Feast to make you feel better.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:11, Reply)

When it rained I had to wear a sou'wester, wellies, AND carry an umbrella.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:13, Reply)

You are Dr Foster and you went to Gloucester.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:16, Reply)

I probably wasn't allowed to go there.
I was finally allowed hard sweets when I was 11, and I was about 15 before I doscovered nuts didn't taste of wood.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:18, Reply)

Why were you banned from eating hard boiled sweets?
My mother was always worried I'd choke to death on a peanut and was very concerned about me eating them as there was once a story in a newspaper about someone who had choked to death on a packet of KP.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:20, Reply)

Mummy didn't want me choking!
I was allowed lollipops as a rare treat.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:20, Reply)

How wonderfully cautious.
I'll bet she'd have had kittens if she'd have seen you walking about with a lolly in your mouth.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:24, Reply)

Wouldn't have happened.
My aunty gave me a boiled sweet when I was nine, and I went and choked on the fucking thing, reinforcing all my mother's fears.
Game over.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:26, Reply)

hahahaha
No chocolate limes for you! (Not that they are very nice), but to grow up without the sherbet lemon... How awful.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:27, Reply)

I went mental when I went to secondary school.
Old-fashioned sweetshop at the foot of the hill.
Oooh, cough candy twists!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:29, Reply)

So whilst most of your classmates were starting to smoke or dabbling in weed
You were getting your kicks from Pineapple Rock and Kola Kubes.

Result!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:34, Reply)

My other aunty let me have Kola Kubes now and again.
Delish.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:35, Reply)

Surely you were allowed Everton mints as a child!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:36, Reply)

At friends' houses and that.
And I could have rock, but I couldn't break bits off
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:38, Reply)

*there there*
I hope you were allowed Spacedust.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:39, Reply)

Totally!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:40, Reply)

Phew
I was about to phone Childline on your behalf.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:41, Reply)

I was always threatening that

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:42, Reply)

Likewise.
It had to be done.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:46, Reply)

Pear drops are where it's at
or rhubarb and custards.
(berk, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:35, Reply)

Pear drops give me a sore throat.
They're fumey.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:36, Reply)

I don't know
I'd like to book a hotel, which is about 3-400$ more
but I don't know which to choose.
I'm very lost and confused about where I should go and what I should do while there.
I'd like to go for my birthday but it's in february, and who the hell wants to go looking around in the middle of winter?
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:41, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1247020
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 19:46, Reply)

why thank you

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 20:09, Reply)

No problem.
You just need to work out if you just want to get blind drunk and embrace that side of English culture, or go and see historical shit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 20:11, Reply)

Something for b3th to smile at and something to frighten K about any visit she might make here!
tiny.cc/px0mn
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 20:02, Reply)

I'm horrible with directions, make no mistake, that would probably happen to me

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 20:28, Reply)