yours can't be as big
as the maple and pecan chocolate topped slice i have.

you've never seen/tasted anything so fit in all your life.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:54, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Apart from your new fella obviously?

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:56, Reply)

oh yeah
i haven't mentioned HOW HOT he is yet today.

although the prospects of him wanting to nail me stupid on sat night are grossly diminished by the size of the maple and pecan chocolate slab i have just consumed.

damn you coco di mama.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Not improved at all by the thought of the size of the manpole and pork-an slab he'll make you consume?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:02, Reply)

he better had do
that is all!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:03, Reply)

don't bring him up
it was only a matter of time until she did it herself...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:58, Reply)

I for one am pleased for her.

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:59, Reply)

that is because you are lovely
whereas vipros is just nervous about having the smug crown of smugness wrenched untimely from his smug paws.

did i ever mention that the sex is UNBELIEVABLE?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:00, Reply)

I read that as "that's because you are lonely".
And thought well that's a nice reply to someone being happy for you.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:04, Reply)

unbelievable in that you are having it?
and that he'll do it with the lights on?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Ooof!

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Oh zing.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:05, Reply)

ha
i'm not the one who is dumb enough to be getting married and therefore reducing it from 3 times a night to 3 times a year!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:07, Reply)

yeah, finding someone with whom you are amazingly compatible in every way to spend the rest of your life with is really fucking dumb.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:09, Reply)

She can't be that compatible, she doesn't have a beard.

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:10, Reply)

i'm just saying if you're going to talk about never getting laid and only doing it in the dark
marriage is not the way to pep up your sex life. jeeeeez, no need to get all defensive, darling. i'm sure you will be the 1 in 3 that doesn't end in a savage bloody divorce and you living in a cold rented apartment only visiting the kids and surfboard once a week...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:11, Reply)

my sex life wasn't in question
and that wasn't defensive. Not from where I'm sat anyway.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:15, Reply)

you can kiss goodbye to it once you get married though
the statistics speak for themselves.

still, if i'm ever in devon, i'll give you a cheeky suck to cheer you up!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:18, Reply)

the difference is
we're not intending to have kids, so there will be less stress, less tiredness etc.

bear in mind also that while I'm married to my wife you will either also be married, or be the increasingly aged one trying to pull either the young blokes or the ones your age who will generally be the losers who are too freaky to attract someone for long.

Enjoy!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:22, Reply)

: (

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:25, Reply)

no man ever intends to have kids
it just happens to him.

when you've been married a while and have forgotten what anything spontaneous feels like - which is the stage before the arguing increases and you realise that actually having a lot in common just means no more surprises in your life ever and then you appreciate that you are so bored of hearing the same voice and seeing the same face except now it is more wrinkled and surrounded by greyer hair and listening to the same stories about where the other person works and the problems they are facing with their day, which haven't changed since last week or the week before or the week before that - just remember that you were once offered a cheeky suck.

it'll cheer you up when you are having your weekly wank in the shower so that it washes clean quickly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:30, Reply)

I'll take my chances
she's younger than you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:32, Reply)

oh god, the provinces
age has less than nothing to do with appearance if one has a decent salon and a decent face cream, darling. esp not an age gap of about 2 years!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:35, Reply)

sounds like you've been having to resort to that for a while though
a salon and face cream can only do so much....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:38, Reply)

staying out of salty water, sun and wind helps enormously too
as does not having kids. all my friends with kids look about 10 years older than those of us who don't.

i got ID'd at an over 25 bar the other night, thank you very much!

edit - also, fat is enormously effective at pushing out wrinkles :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:40, Reply)

I suspect that living in London isn't good for the skin either
might want to consider that.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:42, Reply)

Smoking NFTW!
Both my sisters are younger than me by at the most 4 years and everyone thinks I'm the youngest.
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:44, Reply)

i don't see how it can be a bad thing
you never see sunlight for a start!

for your lungs, maybe.

bgb is totally right, smoking wrecks your skin. doesn't show til you're about 35, though, and the elasticity suddenly dries up overnight.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:50, Reply)

good point.
I'm not too concerned about the elasticity of my skin. Most of it is covered in hair anyway
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Yeah you bloody idiot.
Everytime I find someone I'm very compatible with I like to insult them and systematically push them away.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:12, Reply)

I just did my Beavis and Butthead laugh.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:07, Reply)

So, Swipey swallows eh?
How else could she bring him up?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:01, Reply)

depends on the bloke
if it tastes nice, i happily swallow.

if it tastes like shit, esp if he smokes, i will NOT. the problem is, you never know how it's going to taste with a new guy until it's too late.

edit - in the case of one rather embarrassing incident a few months ago, far far too late :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:02, Reply)

Pleased I had no coffee.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:05, Reply)

i hate coffee
but still wish i'd had some then. would have improved the taste no end.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:07, Reply)

there's a joke in there about the "no end/blowjob" thing, but damned if I can figure out what it is

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:10, Reply)

if i were drunk i'd tell you who it was
you'd be very surprised.

but i'm sober, as i'm at work.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:11, Reply)

I doubt I'd be surprised
as I've never thought about how other men's jizz tastes.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:18, Reply)

that i would know how this particular individual's jizz tasted
was the element of the surprise. not the taste itself!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:19, Reply)

duh

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:23, Reply)

I dunno
once it's in there, it's in there. You may as well just swallow, it's much more dignified than spitting, no matter the taste.
(berk, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:15, Reply)

in theory i agree
in practice, sometimes...... well, this one time, at band camp.... NO.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:17, Reply)

I have been subject to instances like that
but worked on the basis that I'd be really offended if someone went down on me and said I smelled, so I just MTFU'd and swallowed. If you get the timing right you don't really taste it anyway, and it's always been the texture that bothered me more.

PS - I got your text, I'm just pants at replying. Glad you liked it, and no, thank you.
(berk, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:21, Reply)

you have exactly the right attitude there young berk
you should be praised from the hilltops
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:24, Reply)

i wholeheartedly agree
but i do maintain that this was unprecedented. like salty sour milk, it was.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:32, Reply)

gross

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:33, Reply)

i rest my case!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:36, Reply)

Cherry lube ftw.
Everything taste of cherry for hours afterwards.
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:17, Reply)

There's a tropical one I've used that's nice
the cherry one is very synthetic tasting. Not that this comes as a surprise in any way, of course.
(berk, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:19, Reply)

i was naive enough to try candy floss flavoured lube once
i thought i was going to be sick on the spot. nothing says "hot" like my white arse waddling to the bathroom to rinse my mouth out a million times.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Bleurgh!

(berk, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:22, Reply)