Hello!
'Tis I, DiT, stopping in to say, well, hello. So, I suppose you want a question, eh?

At Junior School, we were taken on a trip to Norfolk, where Carl Stock ate too many Wotsits and shat himself on the beach in a horrifically fizzy orange mess. What horrible things happened to you or a classmate on a school trip?

Alt Q, as apparently that's the done thing: What are you doing on Friday Night? You could come and help me raise some money for CHARIDEE: twitpic.com/5px7el

EDIT: Whoops, sorry Chompy!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:36, 59 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

We went on an adventure weekend in year 6
where one lad (whose name currently escapes me) was so frightened of abseiling, he wet himself. Of course, we were all sympathetic, and at no point did we laugh at him */sarcasm*.

Christ, kids really are cruel, aren't they?

Alt: No plans this week, although now I've said that, I'm worrying about it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:39, Reply)

I HOPE YOU DIE FOR CHARITY

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)

If it makes any odds to you, I probably will...

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Excellent!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)

That I would pay for.
Shall we say, £20 if you die, £15 for a serious maiming?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

SOLD!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Are you well? And the missus?
I'm having a party on Oct 2nd - do come.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Yes, and yes, thank you!
And yourself?

Where, and when, and what do? I am most interested.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)

I'm grand.
Monty's Bar (of course), Brick Lane, from about half seven. I shall be DJing, there will be many LOLz.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I shall consult my diary
and my people will call your people.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Have you got a guest list I can vet yet?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Yes, it's on the calendar.
Just tell me anyone you don't like the look of and I'll make up a lie about how it's cancelled or some shit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Checked it, can it just be me you and gonz instead?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:28, Reply)

These people who come hawking for charity make me sick.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Yeah fuck off Michael Lush.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:52, Reply)

norking for charity is much better

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:55, Reply)

So do you want to come and help me raise money for CHARIDEE, then?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:59, Reply)

London? Fuck off.
But can I sponsor you for something?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Haha
Only if you want to:

www.justgiving.com/climbandcycle
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Considering how amazing everyone has been at sponsoring me recently
I'd be an absolute cunt not to return the favour.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

Thanks very much!
EVERYONE, B3TH IS REALLY NICE!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:25, Reply)

I think you're confusing the word 'nice'
with the word 'cheap'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

One boy had an ear ripped off on the Thunder River ride at Thorpe Park on a school trip.
Not my school, sadly, although it's still hilarious nonetheless.

We went to Stratford to see King Lear - it was shit so we sneaked out and drank Special Brew in a nearby park and then unconvincingly sneaked back on the coach at the end. The end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)

One of my friends was at the front of the queue when this happened
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/1614118.stm

It was going to be the first rollercoaster she'd ever been on. She's still never been on one.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)

I love you man
You should come back to b3ta more often. Especially now I'm not on facebook. And unable to stop my bird uploading insulting pictures.
( djtrialprice, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Oh, shucks.
You say the nicest things.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)

You are the image of that man. Were you scared when you saw it? Is he your brother?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:54, Reply)

I ignored it as I found it mildly offensive.
Rik Mayall mention or no!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

What was offensive?
Do you think you're not alike? Or is it that I've discovered your true heritage?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:04, Reply)

The fact that I apparently look like the spit of someone who styled himself after Hitler.
I thought the only similarity was glasses.

Still, it was quite funny... (I was only pulling your leg before)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Well, obviously not the hair or the moustache.
Other than that he looked like a handsome little Dane I know
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Flattery will get you everywhere, missy.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:24, Reply)

On my brother's German exchange a boy crapped himself down a Dutch mine.
The stench was appalling and the teachers tried to claim it was sulphur from the mine. When they came back to the surface the lad had a giant brown reeking stripe down the back of his trousers. They were cream chinos, unfortunately. The teachers tried to form a human shield around him as all the other boys were running around to the back of the group to witness at first hand his epic skidmark.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

A now ex friend of mine was crapped himself whilst taking a piss.
He drove home to change in his girlfriend's car. They weren't getting along at the time so he didn't bother putting a binbag on the seat.
( Kroney, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Another ex friend of mine was having Sunday lunch at his girlfriend's parents house.
He tried to sneak a fart out and instead sharted explosively. They broke up soon after.
( Kroney, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:53, Reply)

My mate Chris sharted on my stag do
.....again
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:55, Reply)

The stag do is an excellent breeding ground for the shart.
A guy called Ollie did so in Riga airport on my friend's stag. Although it was ok as, he said "it was only a little bubble"
( Kroney, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)

It really is.
On my pal Mark's stag week in Spain one chap came down late to the poolside, cracking jokes and being a general penis. His face then drained of all colour, he backed slowly away and returned five minutes later in different shorts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Somehow it just isn't a proper holiday
unless somebody sprays liquid shite over the inside of their shorts.
( Kroney, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)

The shart is a brilliant name

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

Sounds like a 60s dance.
'Do the Shart' etc
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

The Shart is traditionally followed by doing the Shuffle.

( Kroney, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Then by the Pant Flush.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)

*convoluted and unfunny joke about Chandler's scrotum*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:53, Reply)

hm?

( Kroney, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Bing bag

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)

I don't follow.

( Kroney, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:59, Reply)

it's not worth it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chandler_Bing
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

He looks like a cunt.

( Kroney, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:02, Reply)

A bunch of the "hard" lads from my very expensive private school (that's how hard they were)
once cornered me on a school trip and tried to get me to smoke a cigarette at the age of about 15. Mortified, I fled, believing (as I had been instructed) that this would lead to my horrific drug-addled downfall inside three to four minutes.

Three years later we had an outing to look at whatever abbey it was inspired Emily Bronte to write Wuthering Heights and our teacher was handing out fags like they were glowsticks at a rave
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)

You are so cool it's not real.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 1 Aug 2011, 15:59, Reply)

I was presented with a choice;
admit that I was a dull cunt at school or LIE THROUGH MY TEETH
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:04, Reply)

I'll definitely be there.

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:04, Reply)

DEDICATION'S WHAT YOU NEED!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I'M DEFINITELY DEDICATED TO not BEING THERE

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)

You know what?
I saw an N-Dubz video in the gym the other day and THEY WERE SHIT.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

so's your mum :(

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:13, Reply)

I think I've seen that one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 16:15, Reply)