That Michael Barrymore is 'all white'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 9:47, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

he is also 'alright at the back'
So Darth says.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Is he fuck
It was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Chucking a chip up the M1?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Waving a wand in Hogwarts

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Throwing your cock in a nutella paddling pool?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Oh that's going too far
Nutella's fucking disgusting
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

This joke could have gone on much longer and you've ruined it like you ruined your arsehole with black mans cocks
Its like flicking a toothpick in a cave
( Peej, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

*sigh* alright then...
It's like dropping a needle into a whale's mouth
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

hitchhiking on the marmite motorway.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

i had a bit of a crush on him when i was about 13
he reminded me of the history teacher i was in love with for 6 whole years. he turned out to be gay too.

this in NO WAY allows you to carry on your cruel comments about the boy being gay.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:03, Reply)

You appear to be doing fine at that all by yourself.
I'll stay well out of it. I mean, if he's not prepared to tell you that the reason he spends so much time in the gym is so he can 'cruise' for steroided-up micropeni in the showers, it's certainly not my place to.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I just cannot fathom why people spend so much time in the gym

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:09, Reply)

They're cunts?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

The answer is simple: they are narcissistic homosexuals looking for cock.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I think you are probably right

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

probably definitely
( Peej, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)

People have different interests
Some of them make you really cool, like AV, computers, cars and Star Trek dressing gowns and others make you totally shit, like having lots of money and going to the gym.
( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)

google "cool"
you will not see either yourself or any of those things on there. except maybe some cars.

but not the kind that you like.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

They are afraid of actual exercise?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

To show off
If you want to lose weight, go running; it's free. If you want to build muscle, do press-ups or dips; they're free. Even buying some dumbbells to use at home is less than a month's gym subscription. You're basically paying for the opportunity to flex your muscles in the presence of others.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

there are rules about fat biffers like
me running in public, it can ruin someone's breakfast. Also it doesn't rain in the gym
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Don't put yourself down, there are plenty of people around here who'll do that for you
Not me though, I think you're awesome.

On the subject of fat people running, if you see one in the street at least they pass you quickly(ish). Imagine paying £40 a month and spending 45 minutes on a treadmill, parallel with a blobmonster wheezing away.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)

eh, I suppose
but I like being inside. Also swimming
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I like swimming in principle
Unfortunately it combines two things I absolutely hate; being topless in the presence of other humans and being blind
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)

So you're rubbish as a bukakke gimp, too?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Never again
*shudders*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)

you're not fat!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I feel fat
and that's what counts
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)

every woman feels fat
so it doesn't.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)

She thought she was anorexic because she saw a fat person everytime she looked in the mirror
She wasn't anorexic.
( Peej, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)

he does both, it makes me very guilty
he runs a LOT. he was showing me his ipod tracker thing - his regular run is 15 miles.

i keep telling him that his knees will get knackered. as i stretch over them for another cake.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Unless he's 8 stone pissing wet
yeah, they will. Especially running in London.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

i know this
you know this

he knows this

his doctor knows this

still, there he is. running 15 miles just because it's saturday.

i might have to confiscate his trainers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I can't run on anything harder than astroturf now*.
And I was never stupid enough to run any further than was necessary to maintain game fitness.

*saturday was the first time in about 9 months I played without a full brace. Although I did have my lovely pink patella support on, as I'm sure you can see.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

He'll get fat though
And then your requests for pictures of "pink sock" ;-) will get ever more fervent
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

's'ok
badger has already sent me his pink sock.

all i can say is.... WOW.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

*adds pink sock to zoom lens on to-buy list*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)

you'll have to ask him where he got it . alhough
i suspect it may be unique
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Oh my lord no.
www.wackysox.com/product/lazy_daisy_pink_adults/
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)

...and that's what you like in a man, is it Swipey?
I'm reconsidering how much I want that titgaz
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)

To be fair
you have to be able to carry it off, too. Which clearly I can't, obviously.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I haven't seen the evidence mate
That said, any man who can carry off those socks is probably not after a titgaz from Swipey either
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)

What. A. Poofter.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I'm starting to agree with you Monters
Obsessive self-image is massively bent. Which, incidentally, is further proof of my heterosexuality. See profile pics for details.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

It really is.
Over-grooming in that David Beckham 'sarong' manner isn't 'metrosexual', it's effeminate and women do not, on the whole, like this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

There's a level of skincare etc which is acceptable, I think
Especially if you don't want to look 40 when you reach 40. David Beckham is so far past that level he's forgotten what it looks like
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)

I've moisturised since I was about 12,
as I have rather fair and sensitive skin, like that of a romantic poet (who gets all the chicks).
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Moisturising is just logical
I'm frequently told I don't look my age, and there's a good reason for that.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)

If your skin is so dry that you regularly look like you suffer from leprosy
then moisturising might be acceptable, but ONLY if you do not mention it in conversation, or swap tips or in any way acknowledge that you do it.

Anything other than that is womanly.
( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I disagree
Obviously it's not something you talk about down the pub, but there's no shame in wanting to look younger than you actually are
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)

I think there's a considerable amount of shame in it.

( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Why?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)

The only reason women are obsessed with looking younger than they actually do
is because they've had it drilled into them for tens, if not hundreds of years, that it is the only way they will look attractive. Now cosmetics companies are trying to do it to men and, despite us knowing damned well that it's a marketing scam, it's fucking working.

I am a 31 year old man. I am in the prime of my life. Why on Earth would i want to look any different and throw money at snake-oil cures in the doing of it?

Like I said, if you've got a medical reason to need it, that's one thing. Doing it for vanity's sake is vapid.

You're a man, take pride in that. If you act like man and take confidence from it, women will like you better for it than if you don't have wrinkles. Worrying about how pretty you are is stupid.
( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Your argument is based entirely on the notion that moisturising doesn't actually have any effect on skin
with which I disagree. Simple as that.

If I'm honest, I envy your self-confidence, genuinely. Unfortunately I don't share it. You can say that marketing companies target people like me, you'll have to take my word for it that other than the aforementioned moisturiser I don't indulge them. I wish I could take pride in my looks or my masculinity as you suggest, but it's not that simple.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Moisturiser works if your skin's dry. It will make you look as you should look if your skin worked properly.
It does not make you look younger.
( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)

I don't see the point in continuing this argument

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I am 31.
I can still easily pass for 28. I put this down to my catalogue model good looks and my dapper sartorial choices.

Like I say, chicks dig me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)

They feel sorry for you, that's all.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I disagree.
Chicks dig me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Surely he can afford bionic knees?
Running is a fantastic weight to shift weight and stay in shape, unfortunately it hurts. I was chuffed with myself getting up to 9 miles a while ago, don't think I could do that now.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

if you live in the city
and you work long hours, it's realistically all you can do apart from at the weekends.

also, i think it's safer for women to be in that kind of environment if it's dark (not that it ever stops me walking home through the parks with my ipod on, but most people have more common sense than i do).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Are you entirely sure about the "no boys aloud" rule?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:06, Reply)

She doesn't want any drunken sex pesting
around her delicate, vulnerable ladyfriends, Gonz.

She considers you a sexual threat. Take it as a compliment.
( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

It's not really fair, I reckon at least one of those girls might put out if make sure my hair is combed and I'm nicely shaved.
Like you, I am also at a finacial lost by this sexual discrimination, you see, I already bought and packed an over-night bag. It's by the side of the front door, packed with my pamajamas, a tooth brush, some tooth paste, clean clothes for the morning, "Dummy's guide to the Karma Suitra" book. I even got some labels for my sleeping bag with my name on so we know it's deffo mine.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Look, it's not your fault. We all know that women become rabid sexual tyrannosaurs when they've been drinking
this is what will happen. You'll sleep over with every intention of being the perfect gentleman. Maybe you'll have a quick snog with one or two of them, perhaps a little over-the-shirt light petting.

But that isn't the way it goes, Gonz. Before you know it you'll be indulging in a rampant six way fuck-frenzy, which will be great at the time. But the next morning there'll be frosty stares. You'll reckon "they've probably synchronised, or something, better bail fast" and you'll make your excuses and leave.

Then there'll be a knock on the door and you'll be presented with a courts summons as you've allegedly raped six or seven unwilling women at the same time.

By not allowing you to stay, she's doing you a favour, really.
( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

yeah, sounds like THIS has never happened to you before or anything

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Women treat me badly all the time, what can I say? I'm a mug.

( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)

No court in the land would be convinced that they didn't...... no, that sentance would be way to rapey, even for here.
I guess I would feel out of order if after the mass orgy someone felt really bad because I didn't pay them enough attention compared to the other girls. I'd feel gutted if I made someone fell like that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

You're only human Gonz
There's no earthly way you can give that many women all the attention they require. There's a significant chance you wouldn't even be able to provide swipe on her own with all the attention she requires.
( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

That's why I reffuse to sleep with more than 8 women at any one time.
Any more than that, and one of them will have to only be satisfide the once, which is really unfair.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)

If only all men had your sense of honour, Gonz.
You're a paragon, really.
( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)

If only women could see that too !
These are on the telly at the moment, I'm loving the comments. direct.asda.com/george/men-s-clothing/underwear/vests/shape-enhancer-t-shirt/GEM27053,default,pd.html?cm_sp=grghome-_-panel4-_-imgBodysculpt251109&cm_mmc=Affiliate-_-Buy.at-_-George-_-standard
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)

rubbish, i'm very easy to please
just make me come 15 times in 15 minutes and give me your credit card. sorted.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Cowell's less successful followup band

( Kroney, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Eventually I'm going to complete give up the fight to be able to share a jaccuzi with 8 gorgous women in the nude while sipping mojitos and eating plate after plate of truffles (the fungus, rather than chocolate)...
... and start replying to 'swipy in the comunication of a goose, HOONK HOOONK HOOONK, because she's playing Mother Goose*.


* What the hell is Mother Goose anyway? Is that the one with the golden egg? Is that where Humpty dumpty come from?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

that last question made me laugh a lot
your mind is a fascinating place
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

So is your jacuzzi, we should do a trade.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

my jacuzzi is always free for you, gonz

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Is there a subscription charge?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)