Is the evening shift here yet?
I've got 41 minutes to kill at work and I demand ENTERTAINMENT or a pie.

A question? Fine. Fucking fine. What incredibly basic superpower would you like? Something in the realms of Batman possibility as opposed to X-Men possibility. I'd like eyes that worked, or a decent sense of balance.

Alt: What? More questions? Fuck you.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:20, 44 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'd like to be a really good at multitasking.
Being able to drink beer and sit on the beach at the same time, or being able to sit in a boat and drink beer at the same time. I may have to try this out today and see if it's possible.
( wanderlust, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:25, Reply)

It's totally possible
There's this advert where a bloke does LOADS of cool stuff one after the other. He ends up on a horse. You have to smell like him apparently though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:27, Reply)

I don't know if I'd want to smell like a horseman.

( wanderlust, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:32, Reply)

*makes hilarious Lord of the Rings-based joke*
Girls love that, right?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:34, Reply)

o i
( Kroney, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:38, Reply)

titally?
pissible?
blike?
dies?
LIADS?
if?
ciol?
coil?
ine?
ither?
in?
hirse?
Yiu?
ti?
thiugh?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:41, Reply)

No one likes a gloater.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:38, Reply)

You should be phenomenally grateful that this is untrue

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Am I a gloater? I consider this somewhat unfair.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:42, Reply)

Nah I don't consider you to be a gloater at all
I just thought it might be funny.

I was wrong.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:43, Reply)

We all make mistakes.

*gloats*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:44, Reply)

In popular early 90s parlance, "d'oh"
I walked into that one like a Premiership footballer into Paris Hilton's fanny
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:46, Reply)

I'd like the power to
suddenly turn my skin and flesh translucent, instantly revealing my bones and organs to suprprised onlookers.

Alt. You wish.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:35, Reply)

Have just realised that this
would necessitate constant nudity on my part... I have no issue with that.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Am I that transparent?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:37, Reply)

badum tch

( Kroney, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Have any of you lot come across the great
Dogslut? He was on Jerry Springer... cut off his own nadgers for kicks. Didn't do a bad job for someone with no formal, medical training. He has his own website. Certainly worth a visit for the terminally bored and world-weary.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:45, Reply)

My god man
Have you NO SHAME?!

Link please
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:47, Reply)

There we go...
www.bmeworld.com/hormstr3/

Looks like it was Howard Stern not Jerry S. Apols for carrot-dangling to those in firewalled gulags.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Fucking work firewall
My curiosity is all piqued and everything. I appreciate your efforts though, sir
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:50, Reply)

Firewall. Ugh, so sinister.
Why don't THEY want you to see a man who's cut off his own nuts?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:58, Reply)

That is easily the funniest thing I've said all day
Take that as you will
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:47, Reply)

It's not reeeeally SFW
but google 'alien slut mom loves human cock' and look at the first item on the menu. It will sate your need for ENTERTAINMENT and, conceivably, put you off food until you can get your pie-crazed arse to a pie-shop.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:40, Reply)

I don't care if it's NSFW, there's no-one else here
Sadly the firewall does
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:42, Reply)

Only nine minutes more
pretending to work... Oooh, eight now. Nearly the witching hour... but have run out of tonic. What on earth can I have with my gin?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:53, Reply)

More gin. And some lime cordial and ice.
Gimlet ahoy!
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:58, Reply)

I've only got:
orange juice,(formerly) fizzy mineral water and milk. Looks like it's going to be a Screwdriver minus the vodka but with a twist of gin.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:01, Reply)

Proper gangsta that, gin and juice. I like the way you roll.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:03, Reply)

Oh, is it?
Ah, well. There's my excuse, bruh. I've always found rum a more agreeable accompaniment to juice but we must move with the times, I suppose.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:09, Reply)

Ice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:01, Reply)

I would, Monty, I really would
but the ever-watchful eyes of my wife would quickly pick up on it and entirely fair (but nonetheless hurtful)accusations of alcohol-dependence bandied about.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:05, Reply)

I don't think I shall do this at work, Bara my dear boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:42, Reply)

No, you'd be well advised not to.
Unless of course you work in the sex-industry. What do you 'do', Monty? I'm in recruitment. It's too dreary for words.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:47, Reply)

I manage a web and catalogue operation selling storage systems and furniture.
Dull as ditchwater a lot of the time, but it's a job and boy do I need one...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:59, Reply)

God, this money business is a ball-ache.
Can't we all just wipe the slate clean and start again?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:02, Reply)

Vile, isn't it?
I was raised to believe commerce was vulgar - I made the ridiculous error of telling my employer that this was how I felt, once.

Wot a fackin idiot, eh readers?

I am off home now, so I bid you a fond farewell, my good man.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:04, Reply)

Fare thee well.

(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:06, Reply)

I have never been able to decide whether the power of flight or the power of invisibility would be more cool
tonight however I think the power of being able to get my work done and go home would be more useful. This week has been really rather shit, and I probably won't get to go home for another hour or so yet. What's more, when I get there, I will be confronted with the choice of either a) going for a run or b) tidying up. HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY.
(berk, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:51, Reply)

Evening shift reporting for duty.
I'd love perfect eyesight and balance. Or, failing that, functioning joints.

Alt: Fuck YOU, bumface.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:52, Reply)

Afternoon Queerhawks
I'm smugly listening to some tunes on the train after not having headphones for about 4 months. Got these really nice wooden ones out of Richers Sounds for a tenner, down from £50. They sound brilliant, well, anything would sound good in comparison to the wheezing pish I normally have to listen to.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:53, Reply)

Alright bum-boy?
How's the family?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 17:58, Reply)

Good thanks, still locked up safe and sound in the Fritzl Suite.
How's tricks with yerself? Caning the Dimitri lately? I'm absolutely choking to take some shrooms. Planning on cycling around Arran next month, about 60 miles. So shall take some with us and, see what transpires!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:07, Reply)

gotta dash - will gaz ye soon

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:08, Reply)

I'd like super-energy
that would be quite cool but not too impossible.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 18:11, Reply)