I'm a bit of a poof when it comes to alcohol.
I drink alcopops or cocktails. Two makes me giggly. Four makes me giddy. Six makes me fall over. Any more than that and I'm not responsible for my actions.

Oh, and no man in the vicinity is safe, either.

In other news, look at my front door:


( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 17:52, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

that's very good but what's the rectangle in the middle for?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 17:58, Reply)

I'll answer that question here, since you asked it first.
The rectangle is our 'cold callers can get to fuck' sign. I've put a red lightbulb in the hallway light, so the ghosts (just drawn and cut out of A3 paper) and the sign are backlit.

There is also a kilner jar on the doorstep with grapes and noodles in red dyed water, with a label saying 'eyeballs and intestines'. And I have spooky noises on my ipod blasting out of the kitchen window.

Sweeties are all bagged up and ready to go. Now I just need some small children to scare.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:02, Reply)

some just came to my door
I did a fake scream then apologised as all I have is a rice cake, in which they were not interested
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:03, Reply)

Your house is so getting egged later on.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:04, Reply)

yeah, well they were about 4
I could totally kick their asses.

I only just got home from work and have to be out again in about half an hour, they can fuck off
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:06, Reply)

The scary old witch with no sweeties
will be the talk of the playground tomorrow.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:08, Reply)

yeah
well, it's all part of the crazy catguinea pig lady image
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:10, Reply)

can't really blame them for that, old buddy old pal

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:04, Reply)

nothing wrong with
chocolate chip ceiling tiles
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:10, Reply)

excellent work.
I plan to throw intestines out of the window onto any children that ring my doorbell. Since they can't get into my tenemant to actually play any tricks. It will be a saluatory lesson to them on the general unfairness of life.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:06, Reply)

Have you bought intestines in specially, or are you just planning on using your own?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:07, Reply)

I'm sure I've got some lying around somewhere.
If not I'll improvise.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:08, Reply)

What's the big black rectangle in the centre?
Do your ghosts live in a shoebox? Is the shoebox on the ground or is it floating in the air? Is it a ghost shoebox?

If not, how come the lowest ghost is below ground level? Is it the ghost of a mole, badger, fox or other tunnel-dwelling creature?
( Kroney, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 17:58, Reply)

it's the floor, you thick twat
the ghosts are clearly rising up and passing straight through it.

god.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:04, Reply)

that was a bit harsh.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:10, Reply)

Especially since she was wrong, anyway.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:12, Reply)

Harsh full stop really.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:12, Reply)

Yeah?
Well you're GAY
( Kroney, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 19:07, Reply)

that's so cool!
I'm listening to the witches sabbath from berlioz's symphonie - and we're playing it orchestra tonight. Between that and my colleague scaring the students with a mask, that is my limit for halloween this year
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 17:58, Reply)

I don't why
But I fancy playing Horace goes skiing now.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:14, Reply)

Are you disparaging my arts?
I've just had a little witch at the door - must have been about three. Her mum shoved her towards the door and she held up her little plastic pumpkin begging bowl.

Mum had to remind her what to say, and as they walked away agin, I heard Mum saying "Did that frighten you?"

I call that Success on a Stick.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:17, Reply)

hehe
just had a few more - there's a window in my door to I went right up to it going "RAA!". They jumped - yay!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:22, Reply)

You still didn't have anything to give them though, did you?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:25, Reply)

no
they didn't want rice cake, either. I had one just now, they aren't that bad
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:31, Reply)

I love rice cakes - even the plain ones.
See also, oatcakes.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:38, Reply)

bet you don't mean REAL
staffordshire oatcakes. Not that I can argue now, I'm off - laters.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:40, Reply)

And the jar of eyeballs has claimed its first victim!
I'm loving this. I think I might actually get into xmas this year too.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:26, Reply)

You've turned into a right bender.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:30, Reply)

Ever since my depression was diagnosed
I've been a bit sort of 'dead inside' when it came to xmas. This year I feel like I might be able to get into it.

Also, takes one to know one.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:37, Reply)

The power of the pier.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:50, Reply)

+ compels you

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:54, Reply)

I laughed at this more than it deserved.

(berk, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:58, Reply)

nice
try lychees in jelly, that looks pretty convincing, too
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 31 Oct 2011, 18:31, Reply)