I'm going to be homeless from Saturday.
So, internet people, give me your top 10 tips to survive homelessness.

alt: There's no time for alt on the STREET. You're quick or you're dead.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:12, 59 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Get good at giving blowies for a quid
In other news, they can fuck RIGHT off with this
( broadsword, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Don't you live in some kind of foreignland?

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:16, Reply)

Yeah but I've still got a UK place and so subjected to UK law when holidaying in sunny Surrey

( broadsword, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:20, Reply)

A QUID?
My blowies are worth at least £150 and a nice bottle of champagne.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:16, Reply)

You're gonna need to get used to reducing that by £149
& swapping the champagne for a lukewarm can of special brew with a fag butt floating in it
( broadsword, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Wait, I've seen secret diary of a call girl.
Prostitution is glamorous .
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Call girl = glamorous
Homeless crack whore = £1 blowies
( broadsword, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Tip #1 is find somewhere warm and cosy to sleep.
PENKNIFE and/or MULTITOOL is high on the list.
If you need sustenance, be sure to dip your sleeping bag in some Baxter's condensed soup, so you can suck the corners for nutrition in times of need.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:16, Reply)

To fight off the cold, drink lots of spesh.
Have a fight with yourself as well, the physical activity will increase blood circulation.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Will this include shouting at inanimate objects?
RAARGAAARGAARFUCKOFFARAGEGEAGEERRA.

Buggrit. Millennium hand and fish.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Can't you just go and join the Occupy London lot?
It's like being homeless but with Starbucks on tap and you'll have the whole place to yourself at night.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Is this satire?
You KNOW how b3ta feels about satire.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Does it sate ones ire?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:21, Reply)

It's only satire if you wear one of those Guido Fox masks.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Biting stuff.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:23, Reply)

And that's why your blowies aren't worth £150

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:24, Reply)

How much were yours 'back in the day' ?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Like I can remember that.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:29, Reply)

I reacon you could have charged top dollar
'Get sucked off by a only slightly soiled Moby look a like'
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:35, Reply)

That'll only tide him over for the next 24 hours, I believe
haven't they been handed an eviction order?
(berk, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:28, Reply)

He should join the Dale Farm lot
They're moving back in.
( Kroney, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:33, Reply)

Simply buy anoher home...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:19, Reply)

I tried that, but then the fuckers have delayed the build and BAM - I'm homeless.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Kip at your mum's house.
/Kroney, Urban Warrior
( Kroney, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:19, Reply)

I'll sleep at *your* mum's house.
ZING!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Why do people like you and Quentin pick on posters dead mums ?
It's not funny
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Er... Sorry... If that's what I've done it was unintentional!
Also, fuck off because I've never done that before.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Don't worry, you didn't.

( Kroney, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:31, Reply)

Phew. Because I'm not that kind of poster.
:(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:33, Reply)

Yeah thanks for playing along Kroney >:0<

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Sleep next to the vents outside Waterloo station
Really warm :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Don't sleep in Underground Carparks
not as warm as you might think.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:21, Reply)

I would try and sleep on the tube, but I've heard of a film called 'Creep' and that worries me.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Is that the one with the gollum-like creature who kept bodies in vats?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:23, Reply)

It has surgery nonsense in it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Pay monty £2 a night to sleep on his sofa, he needs the money

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:23, Reply)

I pay him in wine.
It works out way more expensive but it's still worth every penny.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Book a suite at the Dorchester, old boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:29, Reply)

and leg it in the morning/

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:30, Reply)

*facepalm*
Why didn't I think of that? I must have my batman flogged.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:33, Reply)

I'm going now BYE

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Have you ever been to Electric Ladyland?
The magic carpet waits for you so don't you be late.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:40, Reply)

I'd say come and stay with us
except, of course, we're fucking miles away.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:43, Reply)

Also, I'd recommend not being homeless in wint...
oh, fuck.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:44, Reply)

OMG I GOT A MESSAGE OFF YOU AND DIDN'T REPLY!!!!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:46, Reply)

GOD, YOU ARE AN AWFUL PERSON, GARY!!!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Soz like, Guv

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Forgiven.
But it's still heartless that you've probably tipped Tightly over the edge by reminding him that you didn't reply to a message right after he's told the internet he's going to be homeless.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:50, Reply)

So he's homeless, and his friends don't care about him.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:53, Reply)

I care. I care a lot.
I care so much that I bought him a pint on Friday night as he was considerate enough not to have eaten too much to turn up to meet me.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 18:12, Reply)

Tip 1
Come raaaahnd Roota's B&B
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:46, Reply)

Tip 2
move it somewhere nice, like London.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:52, Reply)

Tip 3
Set a room up for £1 blowies.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:54, Reply)

I live somewhere nice and I'm moving somewhere nice.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:55, Reply)

When are you moving?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Right after the bowl of Bran Flakes she's having for supper.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 18:15, Reply)

SQUAT.
And if that does't work. Occupy an empty building and say you found with a window open or summat (not sure how it works if I'm being honest).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:54, Reply)

You move in and wait for Swipe to evict you.
Then while she's bust doing that, you can go round and shit on her floor.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:55, Reply)

anyone else watched Snowtown?
It is rather good. Bleak as fuck but powerful, gripping stuff.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 18:20, Reply)