When I was told "The walls are getting plastered next week" I said "I'm not surprised, with all that booze you have downstairs!" And immediately despised myself.
Névér.
A few years back. WIFE's parents were getting on my tits.
God isn't real. But if he was, puppies would die for the same reason all bad things happen; he would have to be a massive prick.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:34, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

You should put that on QOTW, very witty.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:35, Reply)

By QOTW standards, certainly.
That whole venture should be dropped.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:36, Reply)

It has run its course now.
The last time it was funny was when I won. Yes, I won QOTW!
Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it internets.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:38, Reply)

I won once too.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Am I seeing my bff later?

( thealternativefact, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:41, Reply)

You're welcome to come round whenever you like.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:44, Reply)

Hurrah!

( thealternativefact, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:44, Reply)

And I'll be going to the pub too so you'll see me.
I can't believe I've been ousted in the BFF stakes by baldmonkey. I never thought this day would come.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:46, Reply)

You're my bff, but Balders has a definite appeal :)

( thealternativefact, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Did you used to be a different username?
You sound like we know each other, but I don't recognise the name.
I feel awful asking. Please don't take offence.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:47, Reply)

I used to be althegeordie
but we didn't really know each other.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:51, Reply)

Ah yes. Sort of knew each other. A little bit. Sort of.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:53, Reply)

Kind of like that person in your office who you see getting out of his car every few weeks
and you say Hi. But you don't know his name or which department he works in and then you end up getting stuck talking at the christmas party and it's really awkward so you GALLOP AWAY ON UR HOOVES COZ U IS A HORSE!!!!111!!!!!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:56, Reply)

I don't know what to do to make this clearer.
Can anyone help me explain to al that I am not REALLY a horse?
He doesn't seem to "get it".
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:01, Reply)

You should totally come around here more often and be normal
you're much more entertaining this way.

I think it's the way your mane catches the light.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Said the not really a Geordie.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Yeah. But I bet you've never even MET Bobby.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Bobby who?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Bobby Davro.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:13, Reply)

You're right, I haven't.
Very perceptive of you.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Good.
We're all agreed then.
Let's go to the park and take it in turns to push each other on the swings.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:17, Reply)

You're kidding aren't you?
It's pissing down; the arse of my jeans would get all soggy.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:18, Reply)

We could go naked.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Do it DG
You can ride around the park on his back.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:24, Reply)

*Suddenly comes over all Lady Godiva. But a bloke equivalent. Obviously*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:26, Reply)

PH is not a horse.
It's a BM/TH/someone else but I don't know who, parody of a made up internet band.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:04, Reply)

You will be eating these badly chosen words, my scotian friend

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:07, Reply)

When the album comes out I shall.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Fingers crossed for February.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:11, Reply)

What year?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:14, Reply)

Oof. You.
We're hoping to have the studio rebuilt by mid-January. From there, it should only take us four weeks to get it finished, packaged and out.
Most of the art-work and the like is already done. And there are only two tracks left to record.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Well, good luck to you. The world's press awaits with baited breath.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Isn't it bated breath?
Have I been getting it wrong?
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:23, Reply)

Yeah, you tell that cunt, he can't fucking spell.
If you were a speak and spell I'd buy you. And LOVE YOU.
(Monty Boyce, lol drugz, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Nononononon nooooooo
I genuinely don't know.
If only there were some way to look things like this up.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:35, Reply)

I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!!!

(Monty Boyce, lol drugz, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:38, Reply)

I assume you were talking about me.
Although, I'll be going to my parents' for dinner tonight. But they're nice people and they always cook too much, so I'm sure you'd be welcome.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:46, Reply)

Hello The Personality Horse

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Hello.
Now what?
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Fuck knows
Just thought I'd say hello. I might get rid of Batman.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:00, Reply)

Me too.
Completed it now. Or all of it that I want to complete, anyway.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:01, Reply)

Yeah, prezactly
What should I replace it with? I have no idea.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Dunno.
Assassin's Creed? Red Dead Redemption? Katamari Damacy?
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:08, Reply)

There should be a PH game.
OH GOD!! PLEASE LET THERE BE A PH GAME!!!!
(Monty Boyce, lol drugz, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:39, Reply)

There are indeed plans for a PH game

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:45, Reply)

It's that people take it far too seriously now, I think.
I used to like it when it was shorter because people only submitted a story if they had something amusing to relate.
Now people seem to submit a hundred or so entries each regardless of quality.
I also used to like making stuff up. Nice pointless rambling lies. Doesn't seem worth it anymore. The lies on there now are bullshit braggings. Used to be short puns and creative nonsense.
It's more of a support group for deluded fleabags now.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:43, Reply)

I skip through a lot of it now.
Strangley the last one was good cause there was hardly any replies.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:49, Reply)

Most of it reminds me of the classic seventh track from the 1973 Personality Horse album A Limp Wristed Disagreement.
The track was, of course, called Tragic Show and is available here:
www.last.fm/music/Personality+Horse/A+Limp+Wristed+Disagreement/Tragic+Show
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:04, Reply)

I like this one.
www.youtube.com/user/PersonalityHorse?blend=21&ob=5#p/u/3/1VHLHAd8bRc
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Aw man! That was WAY back when we were still at school. Presumably in the sixties.
Dirty Wizards is better.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:12, Reply)

I'm listening to that right now!
Are you stalking me?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:14, Reply)

That's a good point.
If we're going to be a pretend successful band we'll need a pretend stalker.
How do you go about applying for one?
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:24, Reply)

I could do one for you.
Hang on.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Cheers.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:36, Reply)

no problem.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:45, Reply)

SCREAM!!!!!! ohmygodohmygodohmygod
PICK ME!!!!!!!
(Monty Boyce, lol drugz, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:29, Reply)

I can't believe I hadn't read your winning story before
it's hilarious.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:46, Reply)

I can't believe how much of a cunt I was back then.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:49, Reply)

Not you too mumps? : (

( girlinthehole, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:57, Reply)

I'm afraid so. I WAS A CUNT THEN BUT NOW I ONLY BOAST ABOUT IT.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:58, Reply)

It's not big and it's not clever.

( girlinthehole, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:59, Reply)

:'( I'm not a cunt now.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:01, Reply)

Glad to hear it.
Rory fulfills all our cunty needs on here.
( girlinthehole, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:02, Reply)

He's a pussy cat him.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:03, Reply)

He said something helpful to someone on here once.
I nearly died from a spontaneous asthma attack. And I don't even have asthma.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:09, Reply)

He's been very nice to me by gaz.
No cock pics though : (
( girlinthehole, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Aww, he sent me some.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:17, Reply)

I took some bookshelves down last night as we're repainting the wall
and I discovered that a massive section of plaster has obviously come away from the wall behind and is only staying on because it's joined to the rest of the plaster and normally has shelves holding it up.

The practical part of me wants to rip it out and get it fixed properly as I hate botch jobs, but the side of me that knows we can't afford this tells me to carefully use filler on the crack and then pretend I didn't know about it when I sell the house.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:36, Reply)

I bodged all the replastering in our house.
It looks a fucking state.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:40, Reply)

This is not biscuit talk

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:40, Reply)

I'm attempting to not be such a prick.
Soz. Won't last, I'm sure.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:44, Reply)

DID YOU BODGE IT COZ U IS A HORSE!!!!!!1111

(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Oh. Look. I'm not really a horse.
Sorry. I thought I'd made this clear.
I'm not a horse, a personality, bald or a monkey.
I AM a successful UK rock group who influenced most western music and a sizable chunk of world music.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:49, Reply)

DID U DO THAT WIF UR HOOVES COX U IS A HORSE?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:51, Reply)

No. Look, oh sorry, but, it's probably me not explaining it properly, but, here's the thing, it's just that, I'm not actually a horse.
I can see how the confusion would arise, because my username is Personality Horse, but I'm not actually a horse. That's just the name of the successful UK band I am in with this other chap. We've been a significant part of modern music since our debut album in 1972. But we aren't actually horses. We called ourselves that after a track by Kenny Hut which was called Personality Horse which we really liked. The track may have been about horses. It is unclear because it is an instrumental track.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Send me a signed t-shirt you shit!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Gaz me your address and I'll try to get one to you for Christmas.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:05, Reply)

\o/

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:08, Reply)

I mean it.
If you Gaz me your address we'll try to get one sent to you.
Or you can email me on an email address. I think there might be one on the website somewhere.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:26, Reply)

*faints*

(Monty Boyce, lol drugz, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:31, Reply)

*feints*
*blindsides*
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:42, Reply)

So you're going out with Liz Jones then?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Never heard of her.
I suspect you are making her up.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:05, Reply)

You're a famous madeup rockstar
you're definitely Liz Jones boyfriend
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:06, Reply)

No. I am a real famous SUCCESSFUL rock BAND.
There's at least two of me.
And I'm definitely real. No honest. I am.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:09, Reply)

My son loves watching this. He thinks BM is amusing. TH might as well not have bothered.
www.youtube.com/user/PersonalityHorse?blend=21&ob=5#p/u/3/1VHLHAd8bRc
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:11, Reply)

:(
This saddens me
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:25, Reply)

BUT I LOVE YOU!!!!
SCREAM!!!!!
(Monty Boyce, lol drugz, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Thank you PH#1 Fan

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:32, Reply)

ohmygodohmygodohmygod.
*hyperventilates*

he spoke to me
(Monty Boyce, lol drugz, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Ja bless

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:36, Reply)

*worships*

(Monty Boyce, lol drugz, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 15:40, Reply)

I liked you when you were a prick.
No pleasing some people.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:48, Reply)

Sorry.
IS YOU LIKEZ BZKITS?
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:50, Reply)

FUCK OFF U CUNT

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:53, Reply)

I wish he'd go back to /talk with his awful personality and things.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Terrible bullying of a /talker by OT.
Will the injustice never end?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:57, Reply)