Tonight is Xmas party night, apparently
Bugger all good to me as I'm self-employed.

So - this is my work Xmas party. Welcome!

Help yerself to some Iceland sausage rolls and Netto sherry.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 18:52, 58 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I'm just leaving work now
And Bristol is full of drunks. More so than usual. So on that basis, I'm going home.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 18:55, Reply)

Here Jeff
Have one of those blowy things that you blow into and it curls out, and it'd be amusing if you'd never seen a lizard before.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 18:58, Reply)

Thanks TD
*Pops a Party Popper*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:15, Reply)

This isn't a very good party, is it?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:21, Reply)

Needs more S-Club

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:24, Reply)

I tried to book them
But they're doing a panto in Lowestoft.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:27, Reply)

No party for me
But I do have good wine, good films and a metric fuckton of crap to pack, or bin.
( Kroney, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:20, Reply)

You'll
Have to move it, move it. You'll have to move it, move it, you'll have to. MOVE IT!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:23, Reply)

Out of my party NOW.
We don't need that sort of nonsense.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:25, Reply)

This is the being at home party
Here - have a curly pastry thing that I think is called a vol-u-vent or something.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:24, Reply)

I'm also self employed
but I'm not giving myself a party, as I'm a miserable old cunt.

*steals cake*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:42, Reply)

Gerroff me cake yer bugger!
I was saving that for later, when the other guests turned up.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:49, Reply)

I had lunch with my team in a brasserie full of pensioners' parties yesterday
that's as close as I got to an office party. Although the rest of our office had a buffet that I scavenged from during the afternoon.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:49, Reply)

You know what would be really funny?
If I did a strikethrough and changed 'brasserie' to 'brassière'.
That would be really witty.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:04, Reply)

and charmingh

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:14, Reply)

It's the missus' work bash tonight.
She's thrown up before even getting there :(

So she's not going now.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:52, Reply)

Our house just did our Secret Santa.
I got a Cliff Richard calender and a t-shirt with Danny Welbeck (or Danny Jigs as he's known in these parts) on it. I am most pleased.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 19:56, Reply)

I just came up with a wicked one liner.
"Jessie J may be able to do it like a dude, but you're the one showing her how to be a bitch".

BO-YAH'
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:03, Reply)

Oh and also Richer Sounds replaced my tele no questions asked. The suckers.
Been a good day.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:04, Reply)

And I've just been out for a tab
And come in to hear the radio playing The Bluetones.

Oh I love Bluetones.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:08, Reply)

Pour yourself a glass of Bluetonic.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:13, Reply)

When I am sad and lonely
Etc.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:17, Reply)

Well
This is fucking banging.

When do we break out the party games?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:14, Reply)

Just put your car keys in the fruit bowl and they'll begin!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:14, Reply)

Does she have a desirable car then?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:15, Reply)

Or is it a lemon?
fruit bowl you see
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:16, Reply)

My car's an absolute shitheap.
Trouble is, the engine is far too good to be scrapped, but the body is too shitty to sell.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:18, Reply)

Sounds like a girl I used to go out with.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:19, Reply)

I feel like that myself.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:20, Reply)

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:17, Reply)

Trabby!
They don't make em like that any more.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:18, Reply)

It's an invalid car.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:19, Reply)

That's a Spazcart

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:19, Reply)

We used to call people who drove 'em 'Davros'

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:20, Reply)

Chorltons where I came from

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:21, Reply)

And the Wheelies!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:22, Reply)

That's the one

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:22, Reply)

best of all the theme tunes!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0xZh2Uf5v0
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:27, Reply)

I've been trying to find Jamie and his Magic Torch
But I lack the requisite sobriety.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:34, Reply)

If you listen to that ^ link
Jamie and the Magic Torch will be one of the links you see at the end.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:36, Reply)

Sorry to be a bit Dozer
But I'm listening to other stuff now.

AND YOU MUST LIKE IT.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:43, Reply)

That lisance plate is worth more than the car.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:22, Reply)

If I saw that car about I'd push it into a river.
Not that I condone such a thing.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:27, Reply)

It's just asking for a ducking, isn't it?
Made of fibreglass so easily lifted.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:31, Reply)

If it was made of coats Barry would have it lifted in no time.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:32, Reply)

We're not blokes off Channel 5's World's Strongest Man.
We can't bloody lift cars and vans up. We roll them in.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:33, Reply)

So you can't get kicked out of a Dutch knocking shop
And you place strict restrictions on vehicle -v- canal interface?

You're nobody's hero now.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:39, Reply)

Here's some tinsel
Have a party you miserable cunts. Or else.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:50, Reply)

*knocks back free booze*
*photocopies arse*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:53, Reply)

A3 lolz

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:55, Reply)

*cries in teh toilets*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:56, Reply)

*puts on novelty record*
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kGpbBFbmQw&feature=related
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:57, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFPLk5mJ1D4
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:59, Reply)

I'm sure we can do better - for xmas, after all
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ct-jO9Hvuo
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 21:03, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVDigo71Ab8
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 21:09, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3DyxaCYlfg
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 21:27, Reply)

Don't you be breaking my office equipment now.
Oh. That's your arse, eh?

Can you pay my mortgage?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 20:58, Reply)

Anyway
Thinking about commitments, jobs, wandering about trying to find spare change etc..

This'll be my last post until the dead zone between Xmas and Nu Year.

Happy Xmas, y'all.

(not that you give a shit.)
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 21:18, Reply)