you're all bitches

I may or may not have been drinking
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 7:03, 75 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Alright bender features?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 7:09, Reply)

heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
none of my feTUR3ES bend
whoops
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 7:12, Reply)

What
Is the boozing occasion, or did you just fancy a beer?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 7:14, Reply)

well I were at home doing research on indian culture by watching monsoon wedding
and the other bff asked me to come out for a pitcher and we had 2.5 and a couple tic tacs
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 7:16, Reply)

If I want to do some research on Indian culture I just look out of my sitting room window.


(this is double racist because really they're all from Bangladesh)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:15, Reply)

In my defence they do all look alike.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:18, Reply)

i do reckon you are
right
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 7:36, Reply)

Yes, we are all bitches.
But what can we do about it?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 7:43, Reply)

be trippin', maybe?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 7:47, Reply)

'morning Jeff.
Too many bad trips in the past to start again.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 7:51, Reply)

Woofter.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:18, Reply)

Alright mate
Did Stunned mentioned a Feb pint?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:20, Reply)

He sho' nuff did.
Good news all round.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:22, Reply)

I booked
Rail tickets yesterday, game on.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:25, Reply)

Like a homosexual Scotsman*


*gay mon
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Hullo.
Ta.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 7:58, Reply)

Thank the Lord, it's Personality Horse!
How are you doing?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:14, Reply)

Looks like he's been taken to the knackers yard, Monty.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:25, Reply)

Still, I did need some glue so it's not all bad news.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Yoo-Hoo!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:28, Reply)

I demand that you leave the internet IMMEDIATELY.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Don't worry, I'll be spending the majority of the day filling in an application form.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Morning, benders.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:25, Reply)

It's a fucking beautiful morning down here.
Chilly but clear.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:32, Reply)

A couple of days ago
It was fairly Phil Colins, certainly around lunchtime.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Same up here.
A bit crisp first thing, but there appears to be no wind to speak of, which makes a fucking change.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:42, Reply)

I think my dear father must have been drinking.
This morning I have opened an email that reads:

'Avoid combining open flames and flatulence. I have no other wisdom to bestow this evening.'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:26, Reply)

Seems like sound advice to me.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Sounds to me like he got wazzed on claret and decided to fire up a couple of guffs,
seeing as his wife is away.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Ah. So his hoop probably resembles the Japanese flag this morning then.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:33, Reply)

I fear he's accidentally given himself an express 'sac and crack' job.
The very thought is making me feel extremely unwell.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:36, Reply)

Classy. I can see where you get your poise and general demeanour from*.




*A text book, obviously
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:38, Reply)

Your father's 'Moon River' story cracks me up every time I read it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:37, Reply)

My brother's and my personal favourite
is when he was passed over for promotion in favour of a colleague. Rather than accept that the chap was better suited to the job, our dear papa concluded that this fellow must be A MASSIVE PAEDO. To do it justice you have to hear it in his plummy voice, but he said to me

'Ferguson always chooses the prettiest choirboys. You mark my words, it'll only be a matter of time before he puts a foot wrong. Or a hand wrong.

Or....A PENIS WRONG'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Hahahahahaa

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:45, Reply)

The dramatic pause at the end was exactly how he delivered it.
We now use 'penis-wrong' as a term to decribe a sexual mishap of some kind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Magnificent.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:54, Reply)

I'm still pretty drunk, and I'm at work
These two things do not go well together.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:36, Reply)

I'm unemployed and was up at 7:30.
How does that fucking work, eh?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:38, Reply)

You were worried about not seeing your delightful wife first thing in the morning?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Partly true.
I was worried that she'd go off to work without some essential paperwork AGAIN. And I was right to be.

I also had to remind her that there was some de-icer in the car boot so she didn't have to waste ten minutes scraping the windows.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:47, Reply)

Haha, dear oh dear.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 8:56, Reply)

There is also the fact
that I'd been nudging her to wake up and get up for half an hour as she had to be at work for 8:15. So effectively I'd woken myself up by then and figured I might as well get up.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:05, Reply)

Everyone is a bitch today
Fucking work here is starting to take the piss. I am currently dealing with 3 massive problems on our customer sites and have no biscuits!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Tesco has chocolate digestives on offer atm.
So, you know, when you pull your finger out and actually do some work, you can reward yourself after!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Tesco is fucking miles away!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Not my problem, you'll just have to try harder!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Thanks for all your help
No, really, thanks
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Shut up and do some work then, fucknugget.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Get me some fucking biscuits and I will, twat face

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:40, Reply)

i've got piles
:(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:15, Reply)

This takes online attention-seeking to a new nadir.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:17, Reply)

His As is Il

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:20, Reply)

I really don't get this, sorry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Asil Nadir - ASS ILL - PILES
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Nope, nothing. Sorry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Of my sisters dirty pants locked in a chest under my bed.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:18, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Will big tesco sell travel adaptors?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:21, Reply)

I'd have thought so.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Boots certainly do.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:23, Reply)

I'm in Wales, boots is far too upmarket

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:25, Reply)

They have a cheapo version called 'Shoes'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:26, Reply)

"Paper bound with string"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:24, Reply)

I think so
or you could do what I did and accidentally steal one :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Morning baz

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Can't be him
don't have enough jackets. Though that can soon be remedied obviously with a five finger discount card
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Morning 'Woz'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Morning Richard Madeley

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Morning Judy

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:27, Reply)

*hic*
You're ma' besht pal....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:29, Reply)

*unleashes pendulous breasts*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:31, Reply)

The latest entries aren't as good
but scroll back a year or two and this can be very funny richardmadeley.blogspot.com/
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:31, Reply)

I'll give it a whirl later, ta

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 9:34, Reply)