Oh, for goodness' sake
The best pub in London is The Wenlock Arms, near Old Street. There are several close contenders but nothing quite touches it. If you'd like to suggest a superior pub in the London area, I'll have to visit it.

Contenders throughout the rest of the country include The Evening Star in Brighton, the one across the road from the brewery in Lewes, the one above the Fernandes brewery in Wakefield, the visitors' bar at the Theakston Brewery in Masham, and a handful throughout Bristol, Manchester and Leeds whose names I've forgotten. And a special mention for the Clachaig Inn in Glencoe Valley.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:43, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

You 'touch it'.
That's what it says in the bogs of the Wenlock, anyway.

I also see that you've changed your phone number. I don't believe you're only 18 though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:44, Reply)

Does it possibly say that in the bogs at the Wenlock because you wrote it there yourself?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:46, Reply)

...in a post-coital fug
His arse still puckering
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:47, Reply)

POTD

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Maybe that's why he wrote my number down wrong
He was so tight I could barely enunciate while I was climaxing.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:48, Reply)

You could have "Zorro-ed" it on the wall in shitty spunk

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:50, Reply)

"Zorro-ing" sort of worked because its namesake could execute it with three quick strokes of his sword.
(fnar fnar)

It wouldn't have looked quite so impressive if he'd had to take enough time and precision to scratch a nine-digit number across the same surface, perhaps with an awkard,
"Hang on, hang on, I've almost finished...what do you mean, you need the international dialling code as well?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:53, Reply)

Can't do, won't try

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:05, Reply)

There is also not a chance he is packing
"a quarter pound of red hot meat", I'm calling the the deparment of weights and measures.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:48, Reply)

"I would say, sir, that is not so much a 'quarter pounder' as a 'Chicken McNugget.'
"And...oh, 35^oC? Not exactly 'red hot,' now, is it, sir? I'll be needing some suitably embarrassing photographs for the national press, and a signed statement from your elderly, white-haired mother."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:51, Reply)

i MISS THAT SHOW

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:53, Reply)

SO DO I

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:57, Reply)

He was simply holding a burger
and by burger I mean a Scotsman's cock
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Now, not being a Londoner, I can't be sure.
But I suspect there might be some sort of "in the know" "in-joke" going on here. Possibly involving this pub being a famous "gay bar".

" "
( Kroney, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:53, Reply)

Nope. The in-joke is that I'm a raging bender.
(As started, quite accidentally, by the woman who is now my girlfriend, no less...)

The Wenlock is a regular and very local boozer, and free of bum-jockeys last time I checked*.

*_{'Checked': hung around in the gents' near closing time waiting for 'business.' Seriously, it was so fruit-free I dozed off and realised I'd been locked into the place...that was an awkward one to explain to the cleaner the following morning.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Well, as a 19th century dragoon, I imagine you're used to a sore arse.

( Kroney, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Unlike me, a C19th drug goon...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Excellent work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:08, Reply)

Pfft.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:23, Reply)

Is The Evening Star the one near the station?
If so, I quite liked that actually, yes.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:46, Reply)

That's the badger.
Nice place, good selection of beer. And more importantly, it was the starting place of one of my favourite breweries.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:47, Reply)