Re (3), I had a visit Friday teatime from the food police.
Knock at the door, open it to a guy with a clipboard, and an ID badge. He introdiced himself from a council run heaqlthy eating iniative, then the cheeky twat asked me what I was having for my tea.
I was fucking gobsmacked, and honestly thought it was a wind up. Cheeky twat. I'd like to say I came back with a witty retort, but I didn't. Just closed the door on him.
Fucking unbelievable.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 8 Feb 2012, 9:34, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

For some reason I pictured The Bottom Inspectors from Viz

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 9:38, Reply)

You need better prep next time
"We are having a starter of chicken feet, followed by 100 day eggs and cat masala"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 9:38, Reply)

"your liver, with some fava beans and a nice chianti"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 9:53, Reply)