It was a comedy text dudezilla
And soz dude, I've been on the Auchentoshan and Naked Grouse.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 22:32, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

A line I'd rather you didn't cross, thank you.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 22:46, Reply)

Srsly, soz dude.
Tipsoid. Bad week.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 22:47, Reply)

So TD, I want a straight answer...
You gave your mobile number to PD?
Are you gone full retard?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 22:51, Reply)

Why would that be full retard?
IRL I am perfectly respectable, clean cut and hard working.

Just like Pat Bateman.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 22:52, Reply)

So you just save the cuntyness for here?
Ok.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 22:57, Reply)

FFS.
Yes of course I do.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 22:59, Reply)

I've met him
He's a nice guy.

Not the nutter he is on line. You'd like him, I think.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 22:53, Reply)

I'll take your word for that...
Bit it's definitely not something that had occured to me, what with all the arsery and yelping and stuff.
One to steer clear of, I would have thought.
Just goes to show how 2 dimensional we can be on a screen.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:00, Reply)

That's well lol.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:01, Reply)

I think he's almost taken your mantle as biggest tosser over the past few days
Anyway, you've got a Saint's link up there.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:04, Reply)

*cries*

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:04, Reply)

Fuck me, those be heavy words!
I had him down as just another RL, one-trick, shouty, chewing gum in the hair type arsehole.
But never a replacement for me...
*shudders*
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:07, Reply)

Rory is a funny guy.
I have at least two tricks, and I only chew gum when I'm raving.

Rory though...funny guy. Just his persona on here is spiky to say the least. I know you and him have had run ins. But I like him, alright?

And TD is a wonderful man. There's room for all of us here.

*cries*
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:10, Reply)

You've not been making much room for anyone else recently, though.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:12, Reply)

Meaning what?
I hate brown nosery and sycophancy, online as much as IRL.

So don't expect me to take part in plastic love-ins with people that I don't know.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:14, Reply)

Eh?
You want to be Monty and Rory. You are deluded enough to think Swipe is a normal woman.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:22, Reply)

Are we all going to start fighting again?
*holds hands*
*sings kum bah yah*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:25, Reply)

I don't fight with anybody, fighting implies competition.
And I don't compete with anyone on here.

It would be like taking gold at the special olympics.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:26, Reply)

in that you could win neither?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:27, Reply)

No.
In that any sense of pride in winning would be instantly eclipsed by the cold fact that one may have won, but one was competing against spastics.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:28, Reply)

One of my maths teachers represented Britain at teh special olympics.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:29, Reply)

That is funny as fuck.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:30, Reply)

He had a gimpy leg, which hardly seemed 'special' enough to me.
He was a table tennis player. Seoul 88.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:32, Reply)

Table tennis is hardly a real sport though.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:34, Reply)

He used to wear his Team GB tracksuit to school.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:34, Reply)

I bet he did.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:37, Reply)

I don't want to be Monty and Rory, I just have a compatible sense of humour.
And I know for a fact that Swipe is a sensitive, very likeable woman.

She has a persona on here, like we all do. There are people beyond the pixels.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:25, Reply)

hahahahahahaahahahahaha

(PsychoChomp, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:27, Reply)

Yes?
You called?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:31, Reply)

Did I?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:33, Reply)

Possibly
I wasn't listening that closely, just got in and family guy is on.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:35, Reply)

I was actually defending your honour against baseless slurs.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:37, Reply)

Aw thank you
Although as we are talking the world's most whingey weirdo and the world's most inexplicably arrogant failure, I'm not sure they count as "slurs". White noise maybe.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:40, Reply)

Wait, so which am I?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:41, Reply)

I don't think you fit either mould

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:44, Reply)

That's not necessarily a good thing.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:45, Reply)

Yawn yawn more swipe slagging from this weird dullard who's never ever spoken to me directly
Why don't you go dig a hole in your AWESOME garden and fuck it? It's as close as you'll get to sex til 2015
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:29, Reply)

*cries at being called a weird dullard*

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:30, Reply)

You'll get over it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:34, Reply)

When?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:34, Reply)

When you get over someone

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:35, Reply)

Argh b3th
Stupid iPad, have clicked "I like this" 3 times instead of reply! Anyway. A friend keeps asking me how long this process should take at the moment. I have no idea how to answer. Any ideas??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:41, Reply)

It depends how into the person you were/are.
Love is a terrible thing.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:43, Reply)

I don't know.
I've never broken up with anyone.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:46, Reply)

Funny if you like arseholes.
Run-ins? No, RL sees me online and spouts out the same shit every time. Never a funny word, has no idea where the line is and never has any new material.
And you want to snuggle up with that? Go ahead.
Bleh.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:19, Reply)

Dude.
I'm not snuggling with anybody.

There's a line?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:21, Reply)

Going on about how funny RL is, it's bullshit.
And yes, the line refers to tedium and repetition.
Are you really not this retarded in real life?
I find that hard to believe.
TD, are you there? You were well wrong about this one.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:26, Reply)

I am very far from retarded.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:29, Reply)

It's certainly an impression you give.
In fact you seem to relish in it.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:35, Reply)

I'm all about the dissonance dude.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:36, Reply)

Ok.

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:50, Reply)

Nice. Have you tried the Snow Grouse? I kept picking it up and putting it back (could it be the lager of the whisky world?)
(MenaceCoat, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 22:50, Reply)

Nope.
And I took a lot of convincing to try Naked Grouse.

It's alright, nowt special. They tried to foist Monkey Shoulder on me, but I fell back on Auchentoshan 12. A very, very good malt.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 22:52, Reply)

Monkey Shoulder is ok, but I am very jealous about the Auchentoshan. The last nice drop I had was Glenrothes
(MenaceCoat, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:02, Reply)

Auchentoshan doesn't need a lot of ageing.
But as good as the standard 12 year old is, the 18 year old and 21 year old are even better.

And the three wood is unbelievable.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:03, Reply)

It's a bastard to spell though. They need to work on their marketing
(MenaceCoat, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:08, Reply)

No it's not.
Have you tried an cnoc?

Very light, very delicate, very summery dram.

Track it down. Again, it doesn't need a lot of time in the cask. Lighter whiskies don't.

At Xmas I had Glenfarclas. Perfect Xmas whisky, just have a triple instead of a portion of Xmas pudding.

EDIT: And the Glenfarclas was very young- 10 year old. It just gets richer with age.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:11, Reply)

I like the have a whisky instead of pudding advice. Will you back me up when the time comes?
(MenaceCoat, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:16, Reply)

I will.
and I work in Compliance, I will have an agreement which is Fair, Clear and Not Misleading.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:17, Reply)

Right. We need to work together to make sure that Whisky Buff stays on the hobbies part of a job application, and not in the medical questionnaire.
(MenaceCoat, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:31, Reply)

I would leave it out of a CV.
Do you want prospective employers to think you have an incipient dipsomania?

I think not.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:32, Reply)

Definitely not
Will substitute with "socialises with friends"
(MenaceCoat, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:38, Reply)

That is what quenders put down.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:38, Reply)

Yeah, but.I'm not telling lies
(MenaceCoat, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 23:40, Reply)