"Oh Fuck" moments
Or the ONO second. So far today I've had three. Unattended for five seconds, my son poured an entire box of Shreddies down the waste disposal unit (not switched on!), I've dropped a cup on my foot and the dog has pissed on the radiator.

Tell me your tales of woe please and make me feel better by laughing at your misfortune

Alt:
Or tales of unbridled joy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 7:08, 62 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I ordered a dominos the other night and they sent me another pizza, same order, by mistake.
I got to keep it!!!!

boy, that sure was lolucky!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 7:38, Reply)

Cool story bro

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 7:40, Reply)

INORITE!!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 7:49, Reply)

I slept through my 8am lecture by accident.
I am also most distressed by the addition of metal strips to the concrete steps ouside my building. I am going to fall and break my ankle. And it will be shit.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 7:48, Reply)

you could always try not falling over.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 7:52, Reply)

I can't walk on a flat stable surface without tripping or falling.
Stairs and I do not get on well.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 7:53, Reply)

oh man, still if you manage to lose some weight you might regain some poise.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 7:54, Reply)

that would be true if I hadn't always been like this.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 7:55, Reply)

:'(

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:13, Reply)

Slight woe as I have just dropped Mrs Battered off at hospital for an operation and I will worry until I hear she is ok.
/emo.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 7:52, Reply)

I had one when I realised you'd posted on here.
'Oh no', I thought.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:07, Reply)

STOP BULLYING HIM.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 8:08, Reply)

I can't.
I made a promise to Jesus that I would bully him into an early grave and I intend to keep that vow thank you very much.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:10, Reply)

Speaking of Jesus, a friend of mine asked me to go to her youth group last night.
I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I went, and bloody hell I have never been more freaked out.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 8:12, Reply)

PRAISE HIM!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:15, Reply)

Seriously, I have no problems with people being like that.
But I get a little alarmed when they start asking me "Exactly what are your views on the Holy Spirit and His guiding light?" with a manic look in their eyes.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 8:17, Reply)

my view is your'e all deluded fools who use religion as a security blanket
because you find the infinite too difficult to contemplate but hey, what do I know? I just prefer to use logic.

did you say something like that?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:20, Reply)

No. The idea of having a church full of angry christians tearing me a new one wasn't an option I particularly relished.
I just made my excuses and left at the end.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 8:24, Reply)

if they were real christians they would have turned the other cheek.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Say 'I think he's a cunt and a made-up one at that' and then shit on the floor.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:21, Reply)

shitting yourself, that's your answer to everything.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:22, Reply)

And Gonz's.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:28, Reply)

it's a typical reaction from a smelly tramp.
he's probably sucking on a can of spesh and swearing at his feet.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:10, Reply)

Actually I am shouting at the traffic as we speak.

Sent from my iPhone.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:11, Reply)

iphone two tins tied together with string
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:12, Reply)

Yoghurt pots, actually.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:16, Reply)

how? how2!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:17, Reply)

Dineagelolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:19, Reply)

How was an utterly shit TV programme

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:25, Reply)

NO YOUN ARE!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:27, Reply)

LEAVE SPORTSCOW ALONE!!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:17, Reply)

*shaves hair*
*shows Internet shaved growler*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:18, Reply)

urgh. Didn't need to see that.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 8:19, Reply)

I am a bit fucked this morning.
Having eaten a frankly TITANIC amount of steak, Argentinian black pudding, provolone and sausages, all washed down by multiple bottles of red wine, we then hit the MDs, beers and Hennessy and at one this morning was singing along to the theme from Supergran.

No power walking for me this morning.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:10, Reply)

The skip at the back of your local Tesco's sounds like it has some good food in it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:12, Reply)

I was going to recommend a dose of Man the Fuck Up.
He brought it on himself. No sympathy.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 8:14, Reply)

WINNING!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:14, Reply)

She's a serious granneh.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:17, Reply)

och, that scunner campbell!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:17, Reply)

Fucking brilliant.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:19, Reply)

AA's mum shortly before her death.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:25, Reply)

Now now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:28, Reply)

Battered's Mum

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:29, Reply)

she's the tall one in the family.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:30, Reply)

Hahahahahhhahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Hahahahahhhahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:31, Reply)

Tell you what, I'll lift you up so you can see for yourself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:16, Reply)

Every little helps

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:19, Reply)

Your sig makes me itchy.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 8:20, Reply)

Ha ha.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:22, Reply)

Very much a first world problem, but a housemate has offered to buy the house a brand new BBQ
Whilst I thoroughly appreciate this, he wants to pick up a gas one, and I (and others) prefer coals. Shall I mention this to him, or simply not look a gift horse in the mouth, and get used to gas BBQed food?

Alt: My Dad's giving me £150 to clear debt, woo hoo!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:31, Reply)

stop being such an ungrateful shit!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:32, Reply)

I wasn't going to complain or kick off, simply attempt to nudge him towards charcoal ones.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:32, Reply)

you're worse than 100 hitlers arguing over who had the best gas chambers.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:36, Reply)

It was clearly that Godwin fella!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:36, Reply)

Surely, a BBQ that runs on gas, is a grill?
Get a proper fiery one.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Exactly my thought

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)

I am struggling along with sportscow levels of sleep at the moment
as baby tangle seems to have decided that sleep is for the weak and needy.
My oh no moments came at approximately 3am, 4am and 5am until I finally gave up at 5.50 and got up.
I'll be face down on my desk, if you need me.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:35, Reply)

How old is baby tangle?

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 17 May 2012, 8:36, Reply)

Not sure, I've lost all sense of time.
Around 5 months?
With her older brother I could have told you precisely in weeks and days. You don't bother so much with the second...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)

it gets better by the time they're three or so.
have fun!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:38, Reply)

Both of mine were sleeping six hours at a stretch by the time they were three months old
From what other parents told me I'm a jammy sod!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)

My Oh No moment was yeaterday
G/F's dad was diagnosed with an advanced inoperable oesophageal cancerous tumour. They'll be fitting a stent in a couple of days to allow him to eat but his days are numbered.
Sorry for lack of funneh.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 17 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)