Dear Swipe,

As you are perpetually alone I would like to offer my services and be your +1 at your friend's wedding, I believe that on my arm, people may not stare quite so intently at your wonky eye, the cat food in your straggly hair or the dubious stains on that dress you're spilling out of.

I am prepared to offer the bride a lift to the registry office in my helicopter if it helps.

Best,

Quentin

x
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:37, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

That is the nicest offer I've ever read.
You're a lovely chap really, aren't you.
( Kroney, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)

thanks kroney, i like to think of myself as a modern day galahad

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Yer flaming galahad!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:40, Reply)

have a word with swipe for me, you know she needs to at least look like she can get a man
i'm sure my gf will understand when i explain its a care in the community thing
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:42, Reply)

i bet she'd pay your train fare
a weekend of peace without that clingy wet blanket, hooooorah.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)

i was trying to be nice, i can see now why no man will have you
:'''''''''''''''''(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:03, Reply)

and i can see why you always get dumped
cheers
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)

i've been in two very long term relationships and had the odd short one in between
how is that 'always getting dumped'? have you ever had a long term relationship?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:23, Reply)

unluckily for you
i'm the bridesmaid.

so whilst it is very nice of you to offer your hideous visage to take attention away from me, i must decline on this occasion.

muchas besos
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:49, Reply)

even bridesmaids need dates, swipe
whose gonna walk you up the aisle eh? they'll all be looking at you, you know
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:52, Reply)

i think i have to walk the little ones up the aisle
seriously, if you need friends this badly, join a running club or something?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:56, Reply)

aw, swipe
you're the ugly auntie who has to sit at the kids table cos you're 35 and single

I was only trying to help :(((((
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:57, Reply)

how much did your wedding and divorce cost again?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)

the divorce was cheap as chips, we mutually agreed to a two year seperation
so she didn't get anything that didn't already belong to her, and the wedding was a lovely day so well worth the money spent

that money you're saving up for yours might be better invested elsewhere :(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

vibrators, fingers and lube?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)

and plenty of it

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:03, Reply)

hey, every girl needs a good supply of these, even if you're in a relationship.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)

ESPECIALLY THE MAN
AMIRIGHT BOYS???
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)

I like having all ten fingers, yes.
They're handy.

!!!LOL!!!
( Kroney, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:22, Reply)

it's nice that you can take such a cheerful look at it
you'll need it when the second one goes tits up
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:07, Reply)

we're not getting married
maybe a handfasting at some point, but we have a grown-up relationship, there's no rush to change things and we don't feel the need to prove anything

have you ever been with anyone like that?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)

a handfasting? you rare hippy twat
no, i tend to steer clear of the mental needy divorced ones.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)

i'm no hippie, my my veggie gf almost is
i think you need to stop steering clear and jsut take what you can get
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)

i'll bear it in mind
but i think i'd rather never get laid again than fuck a veggie hippy. eeow.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)

it certainly looks that way

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)

haha
you have no idea. but if the current plan goes according to plan, i'll be very very smug.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)

the fact that you have a plan worries me

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:34, Reply)

he loves it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:34, Reply)

His hips and knees can't take it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:57, Reply)

maybe that's why he has no neck

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Bridesmaids get all the action, everybody knows that
why'd she want a date cramping her style?
( Kroney, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)

And sharinga pew with Q really would be cramped

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

WHY YOU BULLYEN ME??
I WAS BEING NICE TO THE SWIPE
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Who the fuck is Sharinga Pew and why is she muscling in
on Swipe and Quentin's hot wedding date?
( Kroney, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:03, Reply)

she sounds hot and exotic

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:04, Reply)

From Nakers' description, she's fat as fuck.
Sounds like she's taking up an entire bench by herself.
( Kroney, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:07, Reply)

that's sexy to me

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:19, Reply)

she is highly efficient at crashing weddings

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:04, Reply)

i'd imagine the crucifix would start spinning when he walked in the doors

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)

i don't feel comfortable in churches
at my nephew's christening me and my brother made paedo jokes about the vicar
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:09, Reply)

Christenings are incredibly boring though

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)

yeah I remember your autist qotweak thing about that

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:15, Reply)

your idea about escorting swipe to the wedding was TERRIBLE
there have been DIRE consequences, i'm gonna sue you
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)

:( I WAS ONLY TRYING TO GET YOU SOME ACTION

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:42, Reply)

it's been 2 weeks rory! I'M GETTING DEPSERATE AND SHE'S ON BLOCKS
:((((((((((((((((((((((((
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:43, Reply)