Geoff Capes scaled the walls of the £756,000 Sussex mansion with all the stealth of a gekko on a Mallorcan shower wall.
As luck would have it the window was open. He dropped in and slipped out of his dungerees and let the cool air caress his distinguished greying beard.

The house was quiet. He looked into one room and saw the sleeping Peter Andre - without the wig and wax on his face he was rather beautiful. But Capes wasn't into arses. Not today.

He heard a noise coming from the bathroom. He ran along the landing, his giant budgie swinging in the air like Saddam on Youtube. He looked into the bathroom and saw a mad little f**ker, big as a barrel and blind as a bat leaping up and down in some boiling water.

"Capes!" said a voice behind him. "Stop looking at my son with your budgie out".

Capes slowly turned around and saw Katie Price in front of him - wearing nothing but a Juicy Couture camisole and the slightest glistening of her ample clunge.

As ever Capes' budgie became harder than the Guardian cryptic and proceeded to bang her tits off as Harvey ate a bag of Prawn Cocktail crisps from the floor that Capes had brought just in case.

Before Capes left he wiped his now dying budgie on Harvey's afro, bent down to the prone Jordan, who lay liked a painter's radio in the moonlight, and whispered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 11:49, 4 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 11:51, Reply)

needs more dave benson phillips.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 11:52, Reply)

i thought my dad's budgie was dying
it can't fly any more.

turns out the silly sod has broken its collar bone and has been prescribed "cage rest".

what?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 11:59, Reply)

Ask Geoff Capes

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 12:01, Reply)

1: leave it in the dark to fatten up,
2: drown it in Armanac,
3:eat whole
4: ??????????????
5: profit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 12:02, Reply)

what a horrible thing to say about poor captain beaky!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 12:02, Reply)

birds are shit pets

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 12:04, Reply)

D:>

( Kroney, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 12:07, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 12:01, Reply)