Urgh.
I had to walk home from the City last night, drunk as a lord. I missed the last train and t'buses were bollocksed. It was shit and today I am fucked.

When was the last time youzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Alt: I really don't feel very well today. Has Windy been washed out to sea, by the way? RIP niggah.

AltAlt: Yeah nice one
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:16, 68 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Oh well, you won't be able to afford to have a drink problem when they introduce minimum alcohol prices.
I know it would definitely have solved all my problems. I'd never have found a way round it by sacrificing a daily newspaper or eating less healthily, that's for sure.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:24, Reply)

Either you are a monumental lightweight or your local newsagent is a fucking super rip off.
WHICH IS IT?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Well, I was thinking 30p on a bottle of wine.
So that's only two thirds of a Daily Mirror or 60% of a Guardian...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:37, Reply)

my train just got cancelled. Smashed windscreen.
And my hamster has gone a bit weird.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:32, Reply)

When will you learn
That hamsters are shit and should have been allowed to become extinct when the dim defenceless fuckers died out in the wild??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:34, Reply)

*pours one out*
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I68fua61CA
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:35, Reply)

they aren't extinct in the wild
And they are great pets.

Why do you always want to hurt me?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:35, Reply)

Dude they eat their own shit
Urgh
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:37, Reply)

Nah you're getting hamsters mixed up with 'blacks' here

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:38, Reply)

no they don't
They use their mouths to remove it from their nests but don't eat it.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:38, Reply)

Oh.
Well, we all do that.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:39, Reply)

My sister had a hamster called Penfold.
It was shit. My brother fed it cider. It died.

The end.

Cheers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:37, Reply)

Crumbs Chief!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:39, Reply)

I feel this post should be getting more recognition than it is, frankly.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)

Si, Barone

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:29, Reply)

There should be a dedicated part of the site where people can share stories like this.
It would be a roaring success, I'm sure.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)

My brother's hamster kept going down the stairs in its ball.
That probably wasn't ideal for it, but given at the bottom there was usually an extremely excitable golden retriever, I reckon the hamster's heart problems may have started there.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Coincidence?
I THINK NOT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:34, Reply)

I'm not sure of the last time Izzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Alt: He's not quite reached the sea yet, he's somewhere between Reading and Slough right now and should be passing through London later today.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:43, Reply)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)

For your own safety I urge you to delete your post as it contains flashing images.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:47, Reply)

That, alone, has made the entire thread worthwhile.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:48, Reply)

I liked it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:49, Reply)

By the way,
I'm waiting to hear back from Darren Hayman on prices for those records, he said he'd email again when he's figured out what he is going to sell them for but he'll reserve me one if I want one.

Edit: That was really dull and should probably have been done by gaz or on FB really. Oh well.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Good stuff.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:54, Reply)

I remember Hefner.
Remember Campag Velocet? I thought they were alright. Kind of a dirtier Lo Fidelity All Stars.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)

I pretty much only understand the first four words of that sentence, and one of those is repeated.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)

it's not surprising you don't remember them
You miserable dipsomaniac.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)

I fucking resent this.
I don't mind the odd joke, but that's a bit over the fucking line, you cunt.

'miserable', indeed...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)

proving me right with every post you make.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:07, Reply)

Looks like it's going to rain.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:08, Reply)

Sting's less successzzzzzzzzzzz

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:08, Reply)

Oh do be quiet.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)

would you like to join my network on LinkedIn?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:01, Reply)

If by 'join your network on LinkedIn' you mean 'smash your face in with a hammer' then yes please, absolutely.
Thanks so much.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Men are weird
"I feel rough as a badger's scrotum this morning, I know what'll cheer me up, inviting the abuse of internet randoms with no discernable perception of where the line is"

Alt: me either
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:05, Reply)

If this is about my joke yesterday, I apologise.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)

It is
You horrid, horrid man
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)

I wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not.
You should have deleted it. Apologies.

Edit: I just deleted it.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Don't be daft mate it made me laugh
This isn't true, I am most definitely not in a laughing mood, but if I were, it would have.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)

how very dare you. my scrotum is smoother than polished glass.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)

alright babygirl?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:08, Reply)

No
But thank you for asking. And your good self?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)

not too bad ta

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Your posts make me grit my teeth with rage.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)

I feel strangely rough
considering I wasn't on the sauce last night. Perhaps it's the lack of sleep.

Alt: The Owl and the Windypig went to sea, in a beautiful pea-green boat, I heard. The sneaky tytophile.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)

Not sure if I'm playing right by just answering the question, but here goes..
Fell asleep on train from London to Crowborough after a fine evening of beer, and quite possibly whisky.
Woke up, realised the train was stationary & looked out to see that we were at Crowborough.
Sprinted (probable zig-zag involved) for door, just made it.
Slightly surprised not to be on usual platform, but not bothered at late o'clock.
Also very pleased, except that wife not there to meet me as promised.
This 4" of snow and lack of coat was causing alarm, as there was no one else at the station and home was three miles away.
Phoned home, somewhat cross. Was massively out-crossed by incandescent wife, which seemed odd - until she explained that she'd watched the last night of the night depart for Brighton without me alighting.
Turns out the mystery of the wrong platform was because I woke up on the way back to London..

Alt: Fairly happy, would be even better if I could have typed this on my computer, but that would require an end to the power cut... Grr
(BeatsWork, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 11:52, Reply)