Shuddering at his error, he shook himself and opened up a new tab.
BBC news.
His eyes widened and something stirred within the fetid spunk-cave that was his underwear as he saw the breaking story of an unfolding natural disaster in the Antipodes.
At last, the excuse he'd been waiting for.
Pressing the 'send' button in his gazbox he entered the user number '55615' into the 'to' column...
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:13, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Oh bravo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

OH. MY. GOD.
I'm actually shuddering here.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

Vinegar strokes?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:26, Reply)

more like trying not to retch.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:27, Reply)

brings back memories, does it?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

no, thank god.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:38, Reply)

ah lucky you
i've had many a hamfisted sweaty gaz that makes this look like an erotic gusset-moistening masterpiece
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:40, Reply)

(which it is)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:40, Reply)

Show us one?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:41, Reply)

The left one, ideally.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:47, Reply)

the typos would give it away

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:00, Reply)

Even more reason.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:03, Reply)

Despite the chaos rocking other parts of her country,
Tuesday dawned like any other day for Poppet. She made herself a leisurely 'brekko' of wallaby steak and deep-fried galah, whilst languidly scanning the front page of the Erinsborough News.

'Strike me fackin pink, mite' she thought to herself, 'I think I'll have a quick dekko at the old b3ta'. She signed in, and her pulse quickened as she saw the red gaz notification lighting up her screen like a sunset over Elleroo.

As she opened the gaz she shrieked like a man who's just found a huntsman in the dunny, and flung her laptop across the room in horror. There before her, in giant and truly horrifying detail, was a photo. A photo of a scabrous penis poncho being cupped by a hand with a palm so large it looked like a Gloucester Old Spot slaked with sweat.

Oh Lokesy, she sighed. Not AGAIN.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

This one wins.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:24, Reply)

and now there is vomit. All over the room. Thanks monts. It's past midnight here. Why are you trying to give me a nightmare hey?

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:24, Reply)

DON'T......OPEN....THE GAZ.............

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:27, Reply)

I so want to gaz Poppet now so the messages goes red

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:32, Reply)

bitch
.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:38, Reply)

Meee and indeed ow

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:42, Reply)