alright fuckos
what's new?
keeping up with your resolutions?
developed any new theories? diseases? recipes?

alt best thing to happen thus far in 2013
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:13, 129 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I have a new 30 metre ethernet cable
but it has fucking square ends and I need it to have rectangular ends, seriously kswizz, I fucking hate computers and shit :(
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:16, Reply)

I think I need an adsl cable...fucksocks

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:18, Reply)

The cable you need would be spelt Asda in Bristol.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:21, Reply)

Either way it's ruined my evening
Why is nothing to do with computers simple Jeff? Also the speakers won't turn off when I plug my headphones in, 1st world NIGHTMARE!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:40, Reply)

You could try deleting your account and then killing yourself.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:42, Reply)

Not sure that would get my tv online...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:43, Reply)

Why do you want to get a tranny online
And why do you own one?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:44, Reply)

not much
generally i am, lost half a stone since new year's day. but just eaten about 5 chocolates from a quality street tin, so no, not right at this minute.

alt: 2013 has really really sucked my arse so far. i would like it to fuck off back up 2012's arse and to have 2012 back, please.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:17, Reply)

Quality Street are shit, FACT

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:18, Reply)

i like toffee
therefore the fact that i got one toffee finger, one toffee deluxe, one big purple caramel nut, one fudge and another toffee finger made me happy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:19, Reply)

*toffee finger*
*snigger*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:20, Reply)

That's what I thought too.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:21, Reply)

*pathetic boys*
that's what i thought too...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:23, Reply)

*big purple caramel*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:24, Reply)

Could be worse. Could have been a Green Triangle.
*infection lolz*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:26, Reply)

I seem to be the only one that remembers how shit 2012 was
it started out and ended lamely, but in between sucked a bit of arse
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:42, Reply)

How can you forget the Olympics!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:43, Reply)

I didn't watch them
I watch nfl
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:47, Reply)

Not a lot.
Might be off to Singapore in Marxg.

Obviously I meant March. Silly phone.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:19, Reply)

They don't much like Commies over there.
You want to be careful.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:23, Reply)

ooh is jeff a commie?
that'll clash with his ginger hair
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:23, Reply)

Red is a good colour.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:25, Reply)

It was a HILARIOUS joke on the fact that he typed "marxg" rather than "march"
HILARIOUS
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:31, Reply)

Thankfully I managed to stop laughing before I died.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:33, Reply)

Ah well.
There's always next time.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:38, Reply)

Singapore is ace
I lived there for three months - loved it. I'm jealous. Holiday or work?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:45, Reply)

Bit of both.
The Doris is going to a conference, if I can find time from work I'll fly out and have a holiday.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:55, Reply)

Booze is stupid expensive and food is stupid cheap.
Whores are two a penny and drugs get your head chopped off.

It's a land of contradictions and lots and lots and lots of fucking rain rain rain more fucking rain massive stormy fucking rain ooooo rain.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:00, Reply)

You aren't selling it to me here.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:01, Reply)

They do a good curry in the Indian quarter.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:02, Reply)

They do GREAT curry in the Indian quarter
First time I'd ever been served curry on a banana leaf. I ate there three or four times a week.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:09, Reply)

If you pay an extra few dollars they'll give you a plate like a proper adult human and not some fucking primitive ape man.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:13, Reply)

WTN

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:21, Reply)

ha ha.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:22, Reply)

Nice
So, all the other cultures that don't use plates and cutlery are primitive ape men?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:31, Reply)

Jesus.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:36, Reply)

I don't really like the place.
It's OK for a short visit though. Or if you're an inexcusable gobshite racist dickwad banker who's too fat and obnoxious to find a woman who isn't desperately looking for an escape from poverty. Which makes up about 97% of the ex-pat population.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:06, Reply)

Resolutions are for crack-addled fuck-ups, woolly cardigan wearing vicars and crack-addled woolly cardigan wearing fuck vicars.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:24, Reply)

So what did you resolve to do this year?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:27, Reply)

Knit more cardigans and smoke more crack.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:30, Reply)

Sup Peeps
I'm in the dog house :(
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:39, Reply)

Been there!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:40, Reply)

I said house not arse
Hello Jeffers
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:42, Reply)

Up to a bit of fingering eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:43, Reply)

I used the wife’s car today
Electrically heated window screen and front wheel drive seemed the right thing to do,
apart from an HGV reversed into the side of the car whilst it was parked
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:44, Reply)

How is that your fault?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:45, Reply)

She's a woman and I had due care and attention of her car.
OF COURSE IT'S MY FAULT.

Plus it's almost brand new
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 19:47, Reply)

Are you really James May?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:03, Reply)

Fuck man , I thought we was tight.......
and then you go and say something like this
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:05, Reply)

James May had a car totalled when a lorry reversed into the side of it
in an episode of Top Gear. It probably wasn't staged at all.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:10, Reply)

I got bored of Top Gear years ago
I prefer even shittier motor shows like “wheeler Dealer”
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:13, Reply)

Never heard of it.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:14, Reply)

Mike Brewer and Ed China
They buy a car spend the money on it to make a profit (the amount of unpaid man hours never comes into it). Its not good business sense But I like it.

www.discoveryuk.com/web/wheeler-dealers/
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:21, Reply)

Looks like HMV is gonna go under, I'm gonna score some good shit hopefully

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:26, Reply)

I'm surprised they didn't go under years ago with the prices they charge.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:32, Reply)

I donno man, whenever I see something in CEX, most of the time it's cheaper in HMV.
Can't compare to other highstreet shops of that kind, although come to think of it, can't htink of any eaither.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:08, Reply)

Anyone up for a corporate 'dead pool'?
Ideas for which companies will go under in 2013?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:33, Reply)

I can't think of any, don't really know busniss that well.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:08, Reply)

Evening Pop's
Where you been hiding
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:33, Reply)

Eaze Geeze, been well busy.
There is the worst comedy show in the world on right niw, something called "Miranda".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:09, Reply)

I suggest you turn it off then DYAAKY

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:11, Reply)

Terrible Bullying !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:25, Reply)

I have nothing but love for you Homie

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:28, Reply)

alright pp

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:34, Reply)

alright Swizz
How are things on the other side of the pond?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:36, Reply)

word up homegurl,
hows it hanging?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:09, Reply)

I'm going to pull out their gold teeth and flog them to the Swiss.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:36, Reply)

And for this reason I'm in

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 20:38, Reply)

webuyanyrelic.com

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:09, Reply)

Here's a handy recipe.
Employ a gardener who can also service the wife when you're not in the mood
Instruct gardener to grow tomatoes
Make irrelevant gag about axing your deaf butler to sack your cook
Have aforementioned cook chop up aforementioned tomatoes
Then have them put them on a baking tray and into a slow cooker for 14 years
Read the complete works of Anthony Trollope
Take tomatoes from slow cooker
Drizzle with something expensive in French that will completely distort the taste
Look around to discover your family has left you and that you will die alone and broken, albeit with homemade ketchup

Die alone and broken
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:09, Reply)

Is this mic on?

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:40, Reply)

No.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:51, Reply)

NO

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:53, Reply)

No?

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:02, Reply)

Yes

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:03, Reply)

HMV might be going under tomorrow
britain will have no shops left. i hope people are happy when they can only buy online :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:10, Reply)

Harrods and John Lewis will be our only bastian

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:18, Reply)

I can live with that.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:19, Reply)

I like John Lewis (the shop)
Harrods is a bit far away to make it convenient.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:21, Reply)

I'm at a meeting at the WH Smiths HQ tomorrow. Not a lot of joy in that building.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:25, Reply)

I like companies like WH Smiths, at least they still sell scale rulers

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:27, Reply)

Buy them while you can

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:36, Reply)

What if we ditch the Euro and Metric system and go back to imperial
All my scale rulers will count for nothing
This may be a bad investment
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:39, Reply)

I'm surprised they didn't go under years ago with the prices they charge.

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:22, Reply)

alright

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:22, Reply)

No more record shops on the high st :(
I hope they remember me when they flog off all their remaining vinyl stock cheaply.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:36, Reply)

will they even have any b*witched vinyl left?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:41, Reply)

What are yoi like.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:43, Reply)

fingers crossed

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:47, Reply)

You might have to make do with your collection of Vanilla hits.
No way, no way.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:49, Reply)

That shit's only going to increase in value
Mark my words.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:50, Reply)

Milli Vanilli hats
www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjcsgROJ83c
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:51, Reply)

We have a wicked second hand record shop near me Tangles
Smell of crusties and old farts in there,
But vinyl heaven all the same
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:42, Reply)

I've got a Waterstones gift card I ought to spend sooner rather than later.
It can only be a matter of time before they fail.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:39, Reply)

Paper back or hard backs?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:40, Reply)

Papper back.
A failed celebrity photographer.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:43, Reply)

*something about spineless*

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 21:45, Reply)

I downloaded WhatsApp earlier
You grabbed any useful apps recently?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:00, Reply)

I can't be arsed with most Apps.
whats the WhatsApp do? (not a Budlight beer thing I hope)?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:02, Reply)

www.whatsapp.com/
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:07, Reply)

Looks like a tracking device for OKcupids
For that reason I'm out
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:09, Reply)

If only it was for massive benders, you'd be all over that.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:10, Reply)

Trufax

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:11, Reply)

I downloaded several free apps when I got a smartphone
And have never used any of them.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:04, Reply)

CSB

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:05, Reply)

Shame.
Some apps are eco-friendly (probably).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:08, Reply)

All the rage on Knitter

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:10, Reply)

Turns out I only really use a smartphone for posting on b3ta.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:10, Reply)

You must use Shazam, surely?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:10, Reply)

Is that the one that tells you what song you're listening to or something?
I know what song I'm listening to.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:12, Reply)

Or taking pictures of my bumhole in the hope of getting my mortgage paid.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:11, Reply)

Start a new thread Tangles.
You could do that whilst I go for a smoke.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:12, Reply)

Yeah do that

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:15, Reply)

I could...
But I'm posting from a phone and I can't be arsed.
Also I might give up and go to bed, as I can't nip for a sneaky smoke.
Harters will start some weird new thread for you.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:17, Reply)

Nope it's all your time Tangles
Man up and start a thread.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:19, Reply)

Pointless you having a smart phone isn't it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:20, Reply)

having a smart phone isn't it.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:22, Reply)

Just wait until I work out how to gaz you these bumhole pics from it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:24, Reply)

I'm all over your new thread.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:24, Reply)

Also, new thread.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:24, Reply)

Lego and make it happen

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 22:12, Reply)