alright Monty,
I'm going to a terrible pub tonight to hang out with ladypig work friends. I like 2 of them, the rest are boring. I've decided to invite an old friend who is guaranteed to rub them all up the wrong way.
I might get punched by a "almost professional footballer" or "nearly made it as an actor" if we play it right.
Any advice, remember we need to keep it looking like me and Sheepy (he is my friend, it is not his real name) are innocent in all this, or ladypig will possibly make me sleep on the sofa, or just leave.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 14:57, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Start a conversation about religion, or racism.
Add alcohol and the possibilities are endless.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 14:59, Reply)

Combine both with sexism and topicality
start a discussion in gay marriage. Especially if any of them are of a religious bent, or Catholics.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:13, Reply)

Mention a study in the Guardian that proves women are less intelligent

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:01, Reply)

+ at certain times of the month, or when pregnant.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:04, Reply)

it's the boys that are the idiots in this group, the girls are merely a mite dull.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:05, Reply)

In that case
replace "women" with "footballers" or "rugby players" as appropriate
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:08, Reply)

Be sure to use the words menstruation or mensies as well as vulva.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:06, Reply)

+ prolapse.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:07, Reply)

I had a prolapse at Uni once.
I needed to stay awake all night to revise.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:10, Reply)

Cancel what I said up there about teetotalers.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:13, Reply)

LEAVE THE INTERNET

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:24, Reply)

1000 extra points for getting "pink sock" into the conversation

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:17, Reply)

oh this sounds like a good bit of LOL
the hard thing is the 'appearing innocent' bit but Lokesy has it.

I suspect the key is to find something they clearly love and subtly make it clear to them that you despite it: football and acting FOR EXAMPLE
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:07, Reply)

Then gently fade into the background as the heat builds up in the discussion
by going to the bar or toilet.
Once enough alcohol has been consumed extra lulz can be had by changing sides, as many times as you can get away with.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:11, Reply)

Agree with both sides
Disagreeing draws attention
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:12, Reply)

little bit of RL trolling.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:17, Reply)

Indeed this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:17, Reply)

Or simply Fogle them all up on acid and watch as their minds collapse.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:18, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:24, Reply)

I think me and Sheepy might have to have a drink on our own nearby and plan this out properly.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:12, Reply)

alright WP

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:14, Reply)

dozer.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:16, Reply)

how dizzle?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:19, Reply)

pretty sharp,
Just doing what the rest of the world normally does on a Friday, watching the clock till 6pm. Then spot of dinner, dog walk, and off to the boozer.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:22, Reply)

quiet night in for me.
Briz tomoz innit
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:23, Reply)

You need a training drink tonight

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:26, Reply)

I've been hard at it all week.
My fucking nose will fall off if I don't have a quiet one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:31, Reply)

Alchy.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:40, Reply)

Ha ha
Loving this post
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:41, Reply)

Who, Biggles's mate?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:44, Reply)

something about Blackie

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:45, Reply)

Tesco Value Lager
cheap and hardly any alcohol in it. *taps side of nose*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:43, Reply)

12 cans of skol for 6 quid at the post office near me.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)

That says a lot about Skol, really

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)

Please tell me a quiet one is at least 6 cans.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:45, Reply)

Fuck yeah, 6 for £5.50 brah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)

Thank god.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)

You can trust me WP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)

I've not had a drink since Sunday
I'm well too behaved these days
( Theoban What of it, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)

you know, I trust you, and love you.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:51, Reply)

wrong reply place.
Love you too theo.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:53, Reply)

Love you WP xx
One day I'll hold you in my arms and we can be one
( Theoban What of it, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 16:00, Reply)

Or suggest that you'll rarely find a professional actor as good at faking injury as a footballer

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Feb 2013, 15:26, Reply)