If you could change one thing about that last thread what would it be?
Alt: your favourite recipe involving wee-wee?

Altalt: say something cruel and hurtful about a fellow poster, sparking a tit-for-tat slanging match out of which neither party emerges with even a shred of dignity, and results in a flounce by one or ideally both parties.

ALTALTALT: quality insults which have fallen out of favour but should be brought back
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:11, 103 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What's this all about eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:12, Reply)

That it was a naked ape thread.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:13, Reply)

what was?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:14, Reply)

It's sunny AND snowing at the moment, what's that all about?
I went to the post office at lunchtime and there was no queue, what's THAT all about?
Why do we have different spellings for que/queue/cue, what's THAT all about?
(Badmons Dukaz "the most interesting buggery case ever", Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:10, Ignore, 1 reply, 1 minute ago, I like this!)
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Ever since he got spiked with that acid the poor fellow's short term memory has gone to shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:18, Reply)

I still want to know what "que" means in english

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:26, Reply)

Oh go on then
WHAT!!!
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:29, Reply)

well yeah, in french and spanish and italian and portuguese
but it doesn't mean fuck all in english does it?
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:31, Reply)

Ah well in that case
it means that the person who wrote the original question is borderline illiterate
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:37, Reply)

Ha hha ha
Yesterday was "coincidence Day".

is today "Monty Stomp a thread day"?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:13, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:13, Reply)

*adds to diary*

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Yesterday was meant to be M-Day,
no one even asked me about it :(
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:14, Reply)

What a coincidence
I was just going to ask you when the new M-day was
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:16, Reply)

25th I think.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:18, Reply)

We were too busy sneering at you for believing in it, like your bum-chum Dawkins wanted us to.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:16, Reply)

NOT MY FAULT DREAMS WENT INTO ADMINISTRATION IS IT?!?!?!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:18, Reply)

They had an outmoded business model /ac

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Gabrielle LatestZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:21, Reply)

FRANK IS AFRAID TO LOVE

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Love is in the hair

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:16, Reply)

I did explain that I find you repellent for some entirely valid reasons

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:21, Reply)

my neck hurts

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Shave the beard off it

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:17, Reply)

Nah, I'm svelte like a gazelle, no neck beards here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:33, Reply)

Perhaps four popped collars was too much even for an Atlantic-rowing wankstaff like you, Fogesy old boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:17, Reply)

I bet he pops the collar of his rugger shirt AND rolls the sleeves up.
The public school prickasaurus.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:19, Reply)

I don't EVEN own a rugby shirt Bobo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:20, Reply)

you are a public school prick though

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:23, Reply)

jealousy is such an ugly emotion

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:25, Reply)

I was privately educated too.
The main benefit being enough Latin to belm at wankers using the non-existent Latin word 'referenda', the pricks.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:27, Reply)

I can't believe Zippo turned his back on state eductaion

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:35, Reply)

He really bungled that

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:36, Reply)

Zippo's son auditioned for keyboards in Electric Head Funk.
His services were not required. Soz Lee, you're a lovely bloke but your birdshit streaks and wetlook gel, paired with slip-on shoes and flecked grey C&A sta-prest trouser stylings didn't quite fit in with the 'Head Funk look'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:39, Reply)

That 'look' did involve patchwork waistcoats, tie-dyed t shirts and beads, so who was really the winner there?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:41, Reply)

Can I just say, I think the creation of the word 'wankstaff' might just be my life's greatest work

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:20, Reply)

Dude, that's old
like you
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:22, Reply)

I just made it up

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:23, Reply)

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=wankstaff&aq=f&oq=wankstaff&aqs=chrome.0.57j0l3j60l2.1603&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:23, Reply)

That link's broken - all I get is a massive picture of Ben Fogle in mustard cords and a sailing jacket

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:25, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1897227
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:29, Reply)

nice

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:29, Reply)

you may have done
But I've heard it before.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:25, Reply)

It's all downhill from here
Best you DYAAKY
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:22, Reply)

www.maniacworld.com/four-popped-collars-cool.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:21, Reply)

See...
your face isn't that round at all
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:22, Reply)

I felt it could have contained more hardcore pornography and full frontal nudity

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:20, Reply)

alt: wee jelly probably, I dunno

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:21, Reply)

altaltalt:
1. Dobber
2. Pranny
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:23, Reply)

Altaltalt: Face like a bag of spanners

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:24, Reply)

The fact that I wasn't in it
Alt:
Roast tapir

AltAlt:
Sorry old bean, I'm far too nice for that kind of stuff

ALTALTALT:
Thicket, cadam (shit), shan
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:26, Reply)

Today is Wednesday! Which mean I get to move on to page 11 of Sextionaire!
What awesome questions will I get asked I wonder? Do I like to get a bot dog on the chest? Do I like to be dressed up like a nun and fucked up the ass with a strap on?
( Peej, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:27, Reply)

Please try to remember as many as possible

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:28, Reply)

I will!

( Peej, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:28, Reply)

Have you ever frozen your fecal matter
and shaped it into a dildo?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:35, Reply)

She would ask....
Do you enjoy using frozen fecal matter dildos?
( Peej, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:36, Reply)

To which the answer is:
Hey who doesnt
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:38, Reply)

ALTALTALT: you're a smelly fat rubbish and your face looks like a horse's toilet with poo on the seat

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:28, Reply)

harsh

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:29, Reply)

you're a smelly fat rubbish

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:31, Reply)

;o(

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:32, Reply)

Harsh man, there's a line and you're way over it.

( Peej, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:29, Reply)

your face looks like a horse's toilet with poo on the seat

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:32, Reply)

Oh? So you have met me then.

( Peej, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:32, Reply)

ALTALT ALT.
Pillock, flid, wally and Joey.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:37, Reply)

The Trumpton fire brigade?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:39, Reply)

+ Beaky, Mick & Titch

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:40, Reply)

ABC

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:41, Reply)

NOW STEADY ON

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:42, Reply)

altaltalt
I still enjoy using:
Numbnuts
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:39, Reply)

Altaltalt. buffoon.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:43, Reply)

Are you still in London WP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:44, Reply)

I miss being able to just call someone a stresspot and call it a day

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:44, Reply)

Hey PC Gamers, seen this?
www.rockpapershotgun.com/2013/03/12/simcity-server-not-necessary/

Oh EA, you are awful.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:47, Reply)

I cannot in all conscience reply to this post.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:48, Reply)

So you didn't.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:48, Reply)

Yeah I saw that.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:49, Reply)

I think I might stomp my own thread, this is gash

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:48, Reply)

I'm writing letters of complaint.
It's great fun.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:50, Reply)

Post one here, I am well bored

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:51, Reply)

Hello,

I've still not got an answer about this. Abby did try to contact me yesterday but I was on a conference call on another line so couldn't answer.

I spoke to Oranges customer services a few days ago:
My account number with them is xxxxx
Service user number is xxxxx

From the impression I got from the person on the line everything is fine their end. I've got a welcome letter and a direct debit confirmation from them. They will be generating the first bill on the 17th March and sending it for payment to me. All this without any idea of when I'm actually going to get my phone, or even an idea of what the delay really is. So please can you let me know what the problem is and any sort of ETA of when it's fixed. Otherwise I'll have to cancel direct with Orange and go somewhere else because I'm not paying line rental before reciept of a phone.

I'm very disappointed that this has taken significant effort on my part to find any details at all, and that those details had to come from another organisation. I shouldn't be expected to speak to another company about my order it should be managed through you. It's been just under two weeks since I made this order of an in stock item with next day delivery. I hope that I will not have to go through this again when it comes to recieving the LED TV I claimed with this phone.

PsychoChomp
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:56, Reply)

Not much of a complaint.
What has gone wrong, what would you consider to a be a good resolution?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:58, Reply)

This is at the end of an email trail
Not a stand alone complaint.
And it's a deal from one of those dial-a-phone jokers. They're all shit companies but meh, cheap.
The problem is I've not got my phone and the only thing they'll say is that it's with their processing/connection teams and it's marked as urgent. Not anything actually useful.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Fair enough
Sounds like you've ordered a phone that comes with a television.

Isn't that an expensive way of getting a new telly?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:02, Reply)

Nope, £31 a month for the contract over 24 months.
Without the TV the contact would have been like £28 and it's a 40inch samsung.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:11, Reply)

That's a bargain.
What were the other options?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:13, Reply)

fucking loads of stuff.
www.moneysupermarket.com/mobile-phones/gifts/
If you don't go for the top of the line smartphone but one below you can get iPads, PS3's TV's kindles whatever you want.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:15, Reply)

Blimey
There are loads of different options. Shame I recently changed my phone.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:18, Reply)

Yeah, if you want a top of the range TV and a top of the range phone you're looking at £50+ a month.
but if you're flexible about what you need then it's a bargin. (but you have to deal with the total joker companies)
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:23, Reply)

I just went to the Car phone warehouse
Got the Samsung I wanted and left. Maybe I should have shopped around a bit more as since changing my phone I've bought a laptop and a telly.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:26, Reply)

I didn't realise these deals existed until I read about it on money savings expers mobile forum
Well I knew they existed but assumed you'd get a 19inch CRT or some shit.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:28, Reply)

I took a reduced monthy rate instead of a new phone a year ago and I need a new telly
Hmmmmmmmmmm
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:45, Reply)

How much do you pay a month?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:52, Reply)

only £17.50 now, it was about £25
None of what they had was better for me than what I already had so it made sense. But if there's a telly on offer...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:54, Reply)

oh man, they're probably all to busy laughing at your for putting i before e after a c to do anything about it now

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:04, Reply)

I SPELL CHECKED BEFORE I SENT IT OK!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:15, Reply)

'Dear Sir
As proprietor of 'High End PC Gamer' magazine, I felt you should be made aware of some of the GLARING INCONSISTENCIES in the latest so-called 'release' of 'SIM' so-called 'City'...'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 13:53, Reply)

Ape
Alt: I prefer this - www.cookingwithpoo.com/

AltAlt: Darth has the second worst hair here.

AltAltAlt: I agree. Still fond of calling people 'shit-for-brains' though.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:28, Reply)

2nd worst?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:45, Reply)

Has a mixture of insulting him, and making him wonder why he's not winning, too.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:49, Reply)

oh nice

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:53, Reply)

The girl at work that looks like a porn star has lost weight
So she doesn't look like the porn star anymore :(
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:34, Reply)

Pretend it's your birthday and bring in cakes, leave them on her desk.
Do this every day.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 14:36, Reply)