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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I reckon next time we have a war, we send the women.
See how they like it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:06, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
They can do anything a man can do.
Didn't you know?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)
So they tell me, I've yet to see any evidence of it.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:07, Reply)
Mixed boxing is the future.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:13, Reply)
Chris Brown's already trained for it.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:20, Reply)
Why are your women better at retreating than the men?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:07, Reply)
Fool
Just think how badly the tanks will be parked.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:11, Reply)
But nicely accessorised!

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:14, Reply)
I've just had a spam email from 'Ronnie Barker'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Fucking hell. You've stooped to name dropping dead celebrities. Christ on a bike.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:15, Reply)
Stop namedropping our Lord Jesus

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:17, Reply)
Ring him up and make him say "Sorry"

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:15, Reply)
Wrong Ronnie

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:16, Reply)
You fucking spastic.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:18, Reply)
YEAH!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:22, Reply)
He'll probably end up in prison for that.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:16, Reply)
was it offering you links to photos of an out of work contortionist who could no longer make ends meet?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:17, Reply)
Nah it was warning me about a lorryload of dogs which has overturned on the M4.
Police say they have no leads.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:22, Reply)
I'm glad I wasn't alive in the Seventies.
Quite apart from almost certainly getting fiddled by a well-loved family name, the jokes were pure Jeff. Total doggerel.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:23, Reply)
How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:25, Reply)
WITH A KNIFE

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Thieves have stolen a lorry load of toilets.
Police have nothing to go on.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:25, Reply)
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:25, Reply)
A lorry load of tortoises has crashed in to a bus load of terrapins.
It's a turtle disaster.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:27, Reply)
The prime minister held a meeting with the cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the chest of drawers

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:29, Reply)
Was he offering you fork handles?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:21, Reply)
Nah it was warning me about a lorryload of hair restorer which has overturned on the M4.
Police say they are combing the area.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:23, Reply)
FUCKING SHUT UP BOYCE

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)
Hey watch out Kroney.
Have you heard about that massive hole that's appeared in the M4?

Police say they are looking into it.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Enough now. Please.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:26, Reply)
Kroneys new wife thinks he's the salt of the earth,
that's why she keeps him in the cellar.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:27, Reply)
The man who invented the zip fastener was today honoured with a lifetime peerage. He will now be known as the Lord of the Flies

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:30, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:38, Reply)
He takes that as a condiment.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:37, Reply)
I KEEL YOU

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:27, Reply)
I heard that a burglar broke into Milton Keynes police station and stole all of the officers' glasses
Police wish to interview a dark grey blur.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 15 May 2013, 10:39, Reply)
Jeff give Boyce his login back.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)
Has anyone done an Open All Hours joke yet?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)
You mean a joke about YM?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:25, Reply)
No, I mean a warning about an explosion at a Japanese car plant near the M4
Police say it is raining Datsun cogs
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:27, Reply)
And we've just heard that a juggernaut of onions has shed its load all over the M-1. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:27, Reply)
Best Ronnie Barker line:
Next week we'll be investigating rumours that the president of the dairy council has become a Mason, and goes around giving his colleagues a secret milkshake
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:28, Reply)
I liked jeff's turtle one better

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:30, Reply)
Ah turtley get that joke ya kna

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:33, Reply)
A plane load of spittle crashed in to the Atlantic ocean.
There were no salivas.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:34, Reply)
This sub-thread really was made for you, wasn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:44, Reply)

The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:47, Reply)
I fucking love those gags, love them.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:37, Reply)
Barker was excellent. Corbett is an unfunny Scottish wanker. Reminds me of Dozer.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:45, Reply)
Nah Corbett is superb too, and doesn't get enough credit if you ask me

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:48, Reply)

And we've just heard that in the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:48, Reply)
How can people not fucking love these?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:49, Reply)
I used to love watching The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:50, Reply)
I spent years trying to get hold of the theme music from The Worm That Turned
and I fucking did it. It was originally the theme from The Hanged Man which was a TV show in the 60s, fact fans.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:52, Reply)
CSB

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:53, Reply)
And then what happened?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:53, Reply)
You went away and listened to it, got hold of the reissue on DC records and sent me a grateful gaz

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:55, Reply)
Haha it's funny because it's true.
Damn you.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:56, Reply)
It's brilliant.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:58, Reply)
Oh hang on, is this it?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIKVyQeG_rU
I've already got that one.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:03, Reply)
Yup

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:04, Reply)
Because dad humour stopped being funny in 1986
and those of us that don't remember it don't like it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:50, Reply)
Look, when you've got a load of celebrities sticking their fingers in you, you take your laughs where you can get them.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:53, Reply)
Yeah edgy alternative comedy is like loads funnier that the Two Ronnies andhas aged brilliantly

'see an unfunny prick?'
'that's you that is'

Just hysterical.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:54, Reply)
'milky milky'
I think not.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:55, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAH

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:59, Reply)
no, sorry. The other one. Stony-faced silence.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:59, Reply)
Fucking terrible.
The Mary Whitehouse Experience = a load of middle class Oxbridge wankers trying to be all edgy & cool.

Give me Tommy Cooper, Ronnie Barker, Frankie Howard, etc. anyday.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:01, Reply)
I don't like Ben Elton anymore than I like Bob Monkhouse.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:55, Reply)
Bob Monkhouse's standup was really good

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:58, Reply)
I used to really dislike Bob Monkhouse
Until I saw him do "An Audience with"
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:59, Reply)
same here, he did some dreadful shit
but in his later years when he'd packed in all the shit gameshows etc he was really good.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:01, Reply)
Apparently very good as an after dinner speaker.
Not now obvs.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:02, Reply)
I have a signed Autograph of his from an after dinner thing back in the 60's

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:05, Reply)
there's a fascinating 'secret life of bob monkhouse' documentary which is well worth tracking down
He was an obsessive archivist and had a treasure trove of otherwise-lost stuff apparently, thousands of hours of it
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:06, Reply)
He's taller than Dozer

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:52, Reply)

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