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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Apparently I filled in a wine questionairre a bit ago, online.
Probably did, can't remember, anyway, a guy from the company has phoned me, wants to come round and bring me a selection of vinos to sample. Is this a blag, a blag to flog me some booze, or something more sinister?
Or I am just being a bit paranoid?
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:21,
152 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
It's the 'wants to come round' bit that's weird.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:25,
Reply)
Get someone pissed, get them to sign a direct debit form.
The fact Pooks can't remember doing the survey should set the alarm bells off.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:26,
Reply)
Strategy.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:29,
Reply)
welcome to the hard sell
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:27,
Reply)
We've got fun 'n' games
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:28,
Reply)
i'm werking doc, it's shit
plus I have an 8:30 meeting tomorrow and hour and a half from my house
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:31,
Reply)
Wet a towel and wrap it round your head. That will muffle the signal.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:33,
Reply)
Then get the fuck outta there.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:34,
Reply)
it's Nakers.
He's going to botsex you.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:28,
Reply)
Alright Dozer.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:28,
Reply)
alright flatulent boar
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:38,
Reply)
How's tricks?
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:39,
Reply)
nae bad
Sold some shares. I needed a couple of grand at short notice.
I feel frightfully capitalist.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:40,
Reply)
please, have you seen the state of him?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:29,
Reply)
Which /offtopicer would you botsex then?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:37,
Reply)
do you wnat them in order?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:42,
Reply)
Yer go on then
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:50,
Reply)
you
Rory
Windy
Two hats
you again
you
Dozer (if grace isn't in there)
you
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:54,
Reply)
*cries*
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:58,
Reply)
Ha ha no one wants to bum the bummer
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:00,
Reply)
Ha ha the no show for the slo-mo homo.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:00,
Reply)
soz, but I don't want to be gay about it
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:05,
Reply)
YOUR LOSS!
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:06,
Reply)
I'm free on Saturday
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:59,
Reply)
SECOND LAST????????
WE ARE
THROUGH.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:59,
Reply)
Yer
I've met Pookie. Got pissed with him in York a few years ago.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:38,
Reply)
Wait hang on
Someone actually met you in York?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:42,
Reply)
Several have.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:43,
Reply)
but more haven't?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:45,
Reply)
Look Chompy
You're Off Topic's shittest bully. Yet another field in which you've comprehensively failed.
Why don't you go and post some more gazzes, you idiotic little shitheap.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:46,
Reply)
errr...
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:49,
Reply)
IT WAS A JOKE ABOUT LAME TEASING ABOUT BEING 'STOOD UP' BY OFF TOPICERS
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE QUITE LITERALLY EVERYBODY DESPISES ME.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:50,
Reply)
I don't
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:51,
Reply)
You do though.
Wikipedia says so.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:52,
Reply)
PROVE IT YOU FUCKING PRICK!
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:59,
Reply)
Nah, I'll just wallow in my own rebarbative superciliousness.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:01,
Reply)
Fair enough
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:05,
Reply)
It's a deal that works for me.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:05,
Reply)
"Why do birds suddenly appear"
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:52,
Reply)
Because chicks dig me.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:53,
Reply)
very good
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:54,
Reply)
You seem alright to me. For a black fella.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:52,
Reply)
I'm an Irish Paki actually.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:52,
Reply)
Yeah, black, like I said.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:54,
Reply)
I'm like the James Joyce of the internet.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:56,
Reply)
More James corden
(Fat joke)
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:00,
Reply)
I ent fat.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:02,
Reply)
In my mind everyone is.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
In your mind it's raining black drops of lithium rain.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:05,
Reply)
*shrugs*
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:52,
Reply)
Probably be fine.
Or murder.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:28,
Reply)
you wouold say that
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:28,
Reply)
I've changed.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:29,
Reply)
He's planning to get you drunk then bum you
Have fun!
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:36,
Reply)
The next Android OS is called Kit Kat. That's shit innit?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:44,
Reply)
Yes.
But not as bent as 'Snow Leopard' etc.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:45,
Reply)
Sex panther.
Was that one?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:46,
Reply)
yeah, 60% of time it worked all the time
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:47,
Reply)
It's got real panther in it, so you know it's good.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:48,
Reply)
Or Nakers.
That is well bent.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:46,
Reply)
They whole wakki cake thing is pathetic
and surely Kit Kat is trademarked?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:45,
Reply)
It's balls. I have an Android and hate people asking if I have fucking Jellybean or whatever.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:47,
Reply)
You know York City FC?
Their ground is called Kit Kat Crescent.
I shit you not.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:47,
Reply)
yeah but, nestle confectionery are based there and I assume sponsor it
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:48,
Reply)
yer true
Utter shit name though.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:49,
Reply)
Yep. It has an r in a circle after it.
Have a break
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:48,
Reply)
Generic 'chunky/four fingers' pun
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:50,
Reply)
Sideways for you...
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:53,
Reply)
I'd have to start with one and work my way up to the full four after training.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:56,
Reply)
Ah, you've done fisting before I see.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:58,
Reply)
Don't get excited.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:02,
Reply)
too late, my amphibious compadre, too late.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
He rents it out to cave divers
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
Renting implies the exchange of money.
This had NOT occurred to me.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
I filled one of them in too, thinking they would just send the wine
SEND ME FREE WINE!!
I arranged for him to call me back and arrange a time, then blocked the number.
The British way of avoiding things.
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:47,
Reply)
Textbook avoidance.
'10/10 would avoid again. A+++++++'
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:54,
Reply)
I reckon it's a hard sell.
Free booze, then a debit. I might arrange to meet him in my local. Obviously, it's financially all good to him.
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:50,
Reply)
DO YOU NOT EVEN READ MY POSTS SHITHEAD
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:52,
Reply)
Does anyone?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:54,
Reply)
I do cos he's the best one here.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:55,
Reply)
^FACT^
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:55,
Reply)
by 'best', you mean 'least shit'
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:57,
Reply)
He amuses me.
In a 'get the class spaz to do things that we can't get away with' way.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:02,
Reply)
He should pretend to bum the janitor.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:04,
Reply)
who'[s the janitor?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:06,
Reply)
Bonzodog29.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:06,
Reply)
he's a janitor?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:07,
Reply)
Hopefully.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
Is that why he mostly shows up in threads after everyone's left them?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
That, and the chronic alcololism.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:09,
Reply)
Is he Australian?
I always read his posts in an aussie accent.
Same way people read mine like a Geordie Julian Clary.
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:15,
Reply)
what accent do you read mine in?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
Scotch queen
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:18,
Reply)
Ooh I say!
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:18,
Reply)
I haven't applied one to you yet..
I haven't for most, just a few.
Nobody else do this?
:/
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
Nah, just you.
maybe it's a bent thing.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:20,
Reply)
DAMMIT
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:20,
Reply)
^ proof right here ^
rLOL!
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:21,
Reply)
'Scotch queen' it is...
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:21,
Reply)
:'(
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:21,
Reply)
yeah, I do to some extent
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:20,
Reply)
Go on then, let's have your list - username: voice
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:23,
Reply)
Dozer: scotch queen
rory: fast talking irish pikey
Battered: trying to hide common roots
Swipe: shrill lurches into deep northern
Placid: 70's Midland car plant worker
AA: mumbles in northern
chomp: snorts and tsks at the end of most sentances
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:27,
Reply)
By all that is holy, this is perfect.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:27,
Reply)
I knew he wouldn't let me down
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:29,
Reply)
He's the best one here.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:29,
Reply)
totes
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
Imma gon do my MA dissertation on that post.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:32,
Reply)
This is why you're the best.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
\o/
sorry was off buying pocket squares and ties
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:32,
Reply)
The Chomp description is how I had imagined too. Actual lol.
See you later.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:34,
Reply)

(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:34,
Reply)
Nah e's an essex boy
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:18,
Reply)
Fuck knows where that came from then.
Probably 'Bonzer'
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
ye3r otherwise how would they all know to tell me off for my spelling?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:55,
Reply)
I haven't read this post but I bet there's a spelling mistake in it
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:57,
Reply)
And how would we know interesting stuff about Fray Bentos?
Spakka.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:01,
Reply)
How is Spakkaman?
Not seen him for ages.
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:06,
Reply)
His cock now does that precum thing.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:06,
Reply)
Whodatden?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:07,
Reply)
I assume posts written in caps,
are a bit special,in not the good way. So no.
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 21:57,
Reply)
What do you call an arrogant Roman clown?
Supercilious!
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
haha we have a right laugh here dont we
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:05,
Reply)
No.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:05,
Reply)
I'm off to bed bollocks, I'm knackered. Absolutrely.
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:07,
Reply)
What do you call a 1982 American science fiction film released by Walt Disney Productions having a sleep?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:07,
Reply)
Do tell.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:08,
Reply)
Dozertron.
I think it's bed time.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:09,
Reply)
Are you trying to get me in bed?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:11,
Reply)
No.
Not Into men, especially fat ones. It's a no from me.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:14,
Reply)
Why you slimy little bug eyed creep!
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:14,
Reply)
He's been leading you on all night and all
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:15,
Reply)
Next thing he'll do is stand me up!
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:16,
Reply)
I was going, but I'm not having this.
HE HASN'T BOUGHT ME ONE DRINK ALL NIGHT, NOT ONE! I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
How about you buy me a pizza instead?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
IT'S OVER BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT YOUR CRIPPLING DEBT. BYE.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:18,
Reply)
IT'S REAL LEATHER!
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
Oh we'll in that case
See you at pizza express tomorrow at eight.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:24,
Reply)
It's okay, I have that voucher that entitles me to a free pizza.
Or we could go to a much nicer family-run place. You know, better menu, more atmosphere, more character.
No vouchers though, soz.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:25,
Reply)
Nah, pizza seems the way for us to move forward and take our relationship to the next level.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:28,
Reply)
Shit sex?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
U kno dat
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
I'm actually disappointed at not being pulled up for using the incorrect 'homo' up there.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:07,
Reply)
Too obvious innit.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:10,
Reply)
Yer.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:10,
Reply)
I'm actually disappointed that you're such a bender
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:11,
Reply)
Not really it's actually what I expect from you
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:11,
Reply)
Hey, we make a rilly rilly cute couple.
You know it, I know it.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:12,
Reply)
Night cock gobblers x x
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:15,
Reply)
Night babes xoxo
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:17,
Reply)
Something to end the evening with
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MavDRwy2Ml4
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:39,
Reply)
I'm crywanking to this
youtu.be/p26kW302T1g:'(
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 22:43,
Reply)
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