Right then, Hello, Good Morning, As-salamu alaykum, etc etc.
Today is Friday, so that's good. Pay day for me, weekend ahead, blah blah blah, what in the name of Christ is good with you?
Alt: I got fucking drenched in this morning's torrential downpour, my beautiful striped socks are as wet as YM's gusset when Wogan is on the telly. That was a shit start to the day. What in the name of Lucifer is shit with you?
Altalt: Dunno. Any ideas?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:25, 131 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

yer alright Frog
I have that job offer to look over. My boss is still on hols, back on Monday so I'll wait until then to tell him I'm leaving.

Alright, get fucked etc etc.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:30, Reply)

You gonna take it then? Good stuff.
Have you been looking for another job?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:32, Reply)

course I'm going to take it
Better pay, better pension, better scope, travel etc.

Yeah been keeping an eye out for new roles.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:36, Reply)

That's a great start to 2014 for you innit.
Hopefully something bad happens to you today to redress the balance.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:38, Reply)

it already has
I logged on to b3ta.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:40, Reply)

burn

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:40, Reply)

I was hoping for something more along the lines of you being blinded in an acid attack, or Muslims running you over and beheading you.
But that's close enough.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:42, Reply)

Is it the same kind of job?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:13, Reply)

Good morning Frog
I also got soaked taking my gay dog out this morning. However, the rain has stopped, I have coffee and crumpets and its fucking Friday!

Tonight I'll be filling in school application forms for calf2 and tomorrow we have friends round for curry/beer
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:37, Reply)

Morning Sporters
I could get used to a two day working week. Why can't it be like this all the time?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:41, Reply)

this^
It is a useful way to ease back into work though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:42, Reply)

Next week is going to be looooooooooooooooooong.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:42, Reply)

*checks calendar*
Ouch, you are right. Two upgrades already booked in
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:43, Reply)

At least next week is punctuated nicely by my birthday
So I can look forward to all the lovely presents I won't be getting.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:44, Reply)

What day is it and how old?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:45, Reply)

Wednesday. 33.
There isn't any getting away from it, I think I might be an adult now.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:48, Reply)

as Capricorns we are SO alike!!!!!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:50, Reply)

Seems accurate:
Negative Qualities : Shy, Pessimistic, Negative in thought, Awkward, Impeding, Detached, Self-centred, Gloomy and Stubborn.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:53, Reply)

yah man, totes bra!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:54, Reply)

Wait, those are negative qualities?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:54, Reply)

According to The Internet, yes. I'm not convinced though.
Because those are my *only* qualities and everybody likes me.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:57, Reply)

The internet can get fucked.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:00, Reply)

I don't even go on it anymore.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:01, Reply)

Adult is a state of mind

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:50, Reply)

and a genre of 'entertainment'

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:52, Reply)

Along with Elvis, Bowie and my bandmate.
It's also my wedding anniversary.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:53, Reply)

Stephen Hawking and R Kelly too.
And my Dad. And Swipe's dad. It's a popular one.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:56, Reply)

Both of my grandads died on that date as well.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:59, Reply)

So did founder of the scouts, Baden Powell.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:01, Reply)

Are you suggesting that tangles had his woggle touched as a kid

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:04, Reply)

If only...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:05, Reply)

Kind of puts into perspective how insignificant your birthday really is, doesn't it?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:04, Reply)

On the contrary, I feel empowered.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:07, Reply)

Baden Powell has dib dib dibs on Wednesday first

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:07, Reply)

I had pork chops last night that were at least an inch thick
They were fucking NOM
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:45, Reply)

I gave your missus a piece of pork an inch long last night
... Oh hang on.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:01, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:05, Reply)

Morning
All is good with me - it's barely raining, I'm going out tonight, had sex with your mum this morning and, of course, it is the weekend.

Alt: Christmas is officially over - the sloe gin was finished on NYE and I polished off the last of the port last night.

Altalt: Nope.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:52, Reply)

alright tangledupinblue

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:53, Reply)

alright Field Marshall Dozington-Smythe (Get. F)

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:54, Reply)

get fucked

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:59, Reply)

Last bottle of red disappeared last night and just a fridge full of beer to drink tomorrow now

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:54, Reply)

Good Morning Tuib
How nice that all is good with you. I hope this continues. No, really, I do. Honest.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:54, Reply)

I hope your house doesn't fall into the sea today!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:55, Reply)

THANKS!
Even though there is absolutely no chance of this, I'm glad you are thinking of me in these terrible times.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:58, Reply)

Thinking of you always
xx
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:59, Reply)

All is good with me. Back to work Monday (Don't tell anyone but I secretly enjoy it) so another few days off
Alt: I will be going to Ikea today. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. I have a list of what I want and a good idea of where the items can be found. On the other hand, my beloved will wander, waver and deliberate for fucking ages over every little idea of a purchase so we'll be in there for aeons.
Altalt: I've started using loose leaf tea instead of bags - any suggestions for good ones to try?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:56, Reply)

Ikea can get fucked.
I like Assam loose tea, but supermarket own brand red label stuff is perfectly drinkable for day to day.
You won't want to go back to teabags now.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:58, Reply)

I have never been to Ikea. I think this is a good thing.
Altalt: Everybody on b3ta could suggest a 'teabag' that YM enjoys, loose stuff I have no idea about.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 8:59, Reply)

I have always liked this
www.charteas.com/home/shop/products/1-5.html?gclid=CKXLr-bS4bsCFQcTwwodjDcABg
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:03, Reply)

I shall spend some time perusing this!
Thanks for the link
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:12, Reply)

I did an Ikea run in the hols for a bathroom cabinet and some storage shit
It seems that this is the best time to go as there were only about 10 people in the whole shop
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:06, Reply)

ONE MORE DAY TO REVOLUTION. WE WILL NIP IT IN THE BUD

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:01, Reply)

RT TO WIN A LEOPARD

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:01, Reply)

RT #LEOPARD
You're the best one here Doctor Frog xx
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:03, Reply)

                          _ __  _
                         ;'   '',)
                         /;6 , ;/
                        (Y)_:., |
                         `-', :; \
                           |;  ,.:\
                          /:.;   ;;)
                         |:;,.'|  :/
                        / |:  / ; /
                       /:;\ `| "//
                      /_,: | |./,|
                    _/: \.'|,|/| |
                   /:.,:.|,|"| |:|
                  /:;:|:,/;|:| |'|
                  |',:| \_ \ |_|;\_
                 /;\_ /\_)) \_))\_))
                (;(________
                 '''''`'''~`

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:03, Reply)

YESSSSS!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:06, Reply)

get fucked

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:05, Reply)

already have, ta.

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:06, Reply)

alright ghost me

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:08, Reply)

get fucked

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:09, Reply)

get fucked

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:27, Reply)

It's like your own remix of that Daft Punk song, apart from your version has been played more and I'm even more bored with it.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:09, Reply)

Not really, get fucked.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:10, Reply)

Daft Punk have been shit for years.
I'm so old that I can remember when they were good.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:13, Reply)

When was that then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:14, Reply)

Homework.
1997.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:14, Reply)

Da Funk is OK but Around The World grates

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:16, Reply)

I was just about to say this.
Discovery was OK too.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:17, Reply)

yeah I always skip Around the World
Other than that, pretty solid album.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:20, Reply)

You skip around the world, everywhere you go, because you are a camp, effeminate little mincer with gender issues.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:21, Reply)

POW!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:23, Reply)

aren't all Capricorns?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:23, Reply)

Lucky Colour : Brown, Steel, Grey, Black

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:25, Reply)

camouflage, clear, mirror

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:26, Reply)

^^^^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:26, Reply)

I prefer opaque

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:28, Reply)

Are you a Capricorn?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:28, Reply)

Get fucked.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:28, Reply)

Here's an idea
Why don't YOU get fucked! Yeah, I went there.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:29, Reply)

Bit harsh.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:30, Reply)

Sorry, I'll add that to the 'Negative Qualities' list.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:31, Reply)

No, I liked it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:36, Reply)

clickin dis

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:30, Reply)

Daft Punk were good?
Must've missed THAT meeting.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:16, Reply)

You weren't invited as your views on everything are null, void and irrelevant to modern culture and lifestyle.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:18, Reply)

unless it's played on an acoustic guitar by a white man it isn't even music

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:21, Reply)

^^not entirely true^^
I'm acutely aware that Daft Punk are considered to be quite good. However, we should never lose sight of the fact that they are, and there's no easy way to say this, French.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:36, Reply)

haha yeah racism is well funny
You tragic and unloved old prick.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:40, Reply)

The French are not a race
Dumbass
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:41, Reply)

Bit racist.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:41, Reply)

xenophobia and racism are bumchums
And equally offensive on every level.

Then again, if I lived in Coventry I'd be a charmless, tragic old prick with incipient liver damage and reduced life expectancy as well.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:46, Reply)

Good morning.
My daughter comes back from Edinburgh tonight & is with me for the weekend, which is excellent.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:13, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:14, Reply)

Morning
Good stuff. Will she bring you back some shortbread?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:16, Reply)

I'm hoping she leaves her mother behind. Won't happen though.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:17, Reply)

There's always hope.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:17, Reply)

Its just called bread in his house

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:17, Reply)

hahaha

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:23, Reply)

I couldn't even tell you when I get paid. Money goes in, money goes out, I'm just a small but vital cog.
I've got some tasty Don Simon tropical juice that was on offer this morning, so, er , that's good.

Alt: Nothing really, did I not tell you about the tropical juice?

Altalt: I might need to double-check, but the only film I'm looking forward to seeing this year is 'The Wolf of Wall Street'. Oh, and 'Her'.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:18, Reply)

Morning 'Bill Clay'
Great news on the 'Tropical Juice'. (I am assuming this is code for Negro semen)
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:20, Reply)

Pfft, like I can afford to shop in Waitrose

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:23, Reply)

Ha ha!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:24, Reply)

AltAlt - CLOSE OT!

( Peej, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:32, Reply)

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:33, Reply)

Alright Darth

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:35, Reply)

*bums*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:45, Reply)

I would if I could, then we could all just get on with our fulfilling and perfect lives.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:33, Reply)

Hi Rory!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:35, Reply)

YES!

( Peej, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:35, Reply)

Is it acceptable to post a new thread with a picture in the replies as a quiz for this rather dull Friday?

( Peej, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:36, Reply)

I'd say so
I mean, if you crossed the line b3th would be on hand to sort things out.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:36, Reply)

Got to be better than this thread.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:37, Reply)

PLEASE DO SOMETHING PJ, FOR THE LOVE OF ALLAH, HELP US.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:37, Reply)

post it with a picture in the main question
It's ok to do that, Chompster is dead and gone.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:38, Reply)

Can I post that picture of you as a reply to all of your posts?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:40, Reply)

that would be hilarious, well-judged and cool
Which would get you stepped, just like Ruari was.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:47, Reply)

Cool thanks

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:48, Reply)

trousers: camouflage
Watch: mirror
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:50, Reply)

Face: duck
Jumper: swears!!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:52, Reply)

chicks: digging me
Mr Spakkaman's cock: not doing that precum thing.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:55, Reply)

alright: get fucked
get fucked: alright
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:56, Reply)

Dearest T
I cannae really be fucked wi' ahin, ken?

Gonnae fuck oaf like?

Fucken fannybaws cunt.

Forever yours,


FMD-S (Ret.)
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:59, Reply)

Mind: Clear, Cock up arse: Black
PS I'll delete this in a bit
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:53, Reply)

OK I POSTED IT! DON'T BLAME ME IF ITS SHIT!
OR BLAME ME, I DON'T CARE!
( Peej, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 9:50, Reply)

I'm very glad the weekend is here again.
Don't really need to do anything either except a weeks shop. Bonus!
Think my liver is just about recovered for a bottle of fizz also.

Alt. I had strange dreams last night about ghosts. Was well weird and lasted all night. Bit tired today but powering through!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 3 Jan 2014, 10:10, Reply)