Warra load of old SHIT!
Where's Sporters? He's good for convo.
Im doing actual WORK here...
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 14:50, 77 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

i know, today has been a new low

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 14:51, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2256031
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 14:52, Reply)

We do say this every day.
Usually Mondays are awash with weekend antic tales and general work avoidance.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:03, Reply)

Stop whinging, you screeching hissing old queen

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 14:52, Reply)

Well I NEVER!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:03, Reply)

*pistoriouslols*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 14:52, Reply)

He hasn't got a leg to stand on.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:04, Reply)

Would you rather watch your parents have sex everyday
Or join in once and make it stop?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:00, Reply)

YES.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:01, Reply)

I've already joined in with Jaysums mum a few times

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:03, Reply)

It looks like the X factor audition line outside her house

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:05, Reply)

There were queues round the Emirates stadium for what I assumed were auditions, but actually they were queuing to take Jay's mum...
...UP THE ARSENAL!!!!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:07, Reply)

Can I get very drunk beforehand?
Or, alternatively, kill them?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:05, Reply)

But if you get too drunk Jason you might not be able to get it up for your dad
Leaving him with crippling self esteem issues.

Is that what you want Jason, IS IT?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:06, Reply)

IS IT?"!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:14, Reply)

Yes.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:14, Reply)

Isn't he away on holiday with the Sportscalves?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:02, Reply)

Selfish.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:04, Reply)

You'd like that wouldn't you?
You disgust me
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:04, Reply)

Yes I would very much like the much-liked b3tan known as 'Sportscow' to go away on holiday and have a lovely relaxing time with his family
Unless 'going on holiday' is merely a euphemism for taking the calves to the abattoir...
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:31, Reply)

There's a hole is my pants

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:07, Reply)

Difficult to put them on otherwise.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:08, Reply)

I'm doing pants wrong :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:13, Reply)

As long as you don't mean trousers you're alright by me.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:18, Reply)

I have some new grass green trousers, they're gurt lush
like so, except I have a red and blue belt: www.robert-fuller.co.uk/chinos-and-trousers-c25/scotch-and-soda-bowie-slim-fit-chino-in-green-13010280001-p12106
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:21, Reply)

Sexeh! I have new jeans coming this week \o/
I might order another pair of timberlands too, yeah, so what? I like them! It's my money!!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:23, Reply)

I need new jeans, thinking Levis 511s

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:26, Reply)

I like these but wouldn't ever wear them
www.tedbaker.com/uk/Mens/Footwear/JUPITTA-Suede-contrast-sole-brogue-Dark-Blue/p/110977-12-DARK-BLUE
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:27, Reply)

I totes would wear them
I have some blue brogues with white soles and burgubndy laces.

Never be adraid Frogger, never be afraid
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:28, Reply)

They are cool, but being a relatively short man with big feet I'd look even more of a fucking clown :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:30, Reply)

you know what they say about men with big feet

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:31, Reply)

They need big shoes?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:31, Reply)

no, they look like fucking clowns
can't you read?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:32, Reply)

At least if he has huge feet he won't need to strap a plank to them...

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:39, Reply)

I'm calling ZING here

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:40, Reply)

1: you can't call zing for your own posts
2: I don't even get it
3: shit off
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:42, Reply)

Point 1 and 3 are seconded.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:44, Reply)

^^Doesn't get the joke. And is upset.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:47, Reply)

i am n ot upsate

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:48, Reply)

OK let me try to explain the zing to you Nakers.
1. Promiscuous ladies are said to have a capacious clunge
2. There is an old joke which is based on the comedic premise that a man wishing to initiate coitus with such a woman would need to strap a plank to his feet to avoid permanently disappearing up said clunge
3. Frog has, so it is claimed, big feet.
4. This suggests that he would not need a plank, should he wish to engage it coitus with such a woman.
5. Frog is in a relationship with Swipe.
6. I'm suggesting the Swipe has an enormous vadge.
6. FFS Nakers.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:54, Reply)

I have never heard that joke
and it's shit, like you
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:55, Reply)

It ent that good when popular funny people tell it either

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:56, Reply)

I didn't say that either I, or the joke, was funny.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:59, Reply)

You don't need to

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:59, Reply)

Not as shit as your ability to understand simple concepts Nakers old fruit

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:57, Reply)

but i'm not promiscuous and YM said i had a clunge like a tiny velvet vice

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:59, Reply)

Are you making a joke about my dead mum Swipey? Well, I expected better from you. :'((((((((

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2014, 16:05, Reply)

oh sorry
it must have been your wife then...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 16:42, Reply)

They get stuck in the door of your stupid lift?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:33, Reply)

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY LIFT

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:46, Reply)

Apart from when I get my, and I'm quoting you here "fucking stupid big clown feet" stuck :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:47, Reply)

oh yeah, i forgot about that
that was lol
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:58, Reply)

Youn a bully

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:58, Reply)

no one wants to look like dozer, I unserdtand

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:31, Reply)

that's unfair
who wouldn't want to have a receding hairline, a face that's been bitten by a rabid stapler, and the dress sense of a retarded 12 year old?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:32, Reply)

clickin dios

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:33, Reply)

I might get a nice grey suede pair instead.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:33, Reply)

good plan, shall we go on a shoe shopping date?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:42, Reply)

Yeah, we can pick a day and post regular updates in a special shoe thread, but not actually meet up

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:45, Reply)

oh...ok then
*puts voucher away*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:46, Reply)

We'll arrange it and you won't turn up, you'll 'Dozer' me :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:48, Reply)

yeah i will do that
nothin personal though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:49, Reply)

However to clarify, when I did it to dozer it was personal

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:49, Reply)

Standard.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:52, Reply)

I know, I know

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:50, Reply)

Thar he blows

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:15, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2256042
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:18, Reply)

oh man
even ape can do links :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:20, Reply)

I do links like Barrymore does buggery pool deaths

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:20, Reply)

in a salty haze of spunk and denial?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:31, Reply)

*puts finger on nose and points*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:33, Reply)

point sniff
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:46, Reply)

smells like frazzles and damp newspaper

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:50, Reply)

I do apologise for the delay, I was having a spot of lunch.
Im a bit miffed I missed TROUSER CHAT, however.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:53, Reply)

"elasticated skinny jeans fat bald queer" etc etc

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 15:56, Reply)

THANKS PET.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 16:20, Reply)

Good old April 1st
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-26836742
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 16:38, Reply)