I just had my shit interrupted by a fire drill.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:56, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Crimp it and leg it, soldier.

( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:56, Reply)

I got some knowing glances as I shuffled across the car park to the muster point.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:57, Reply)

You should have pulled your trousers up first.

( Muns, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:01, Reply)

Thats a Magnus
I've started so I'll finish
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:59, Reply)

I was reading a story by a soldier who served in Afghanistan.
They stopped so his passenger could nip out and take a dump. They came under fire and he yelled for his mate to get back in the vehicle only to find him already running back.

All I could think was "oh, gross, he hasn't wiped or anything."

I'll never make a soldier.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:01, Reply)

Better a shitty arse than a missing one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:03, Reply)

It'll really itch after a while.
Especially if you're running around getting all sweaty.
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:05, Reply)

Yes, but you'd still have arms to scratch it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:07, Reply)

War's a cruel mistress.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:11, Reply)

Made crueler by an itchy, shitty ring.
It's those Talibans I blame. Not gentlemen, you know. Not sporting. Give a chap time to pull his kecks up, what?
( Kroney, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:16, Reply)

Yet another example of Mussie savagery.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:20, Reply)

i read this as
"my turd was so toxic that it set off the fire alarm"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 10:59, Reply)

this is the sort of thing that would ruin my entire day
My heart goes with you
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:05, Reply)

not to mention, my clacker valve

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:07, Reply)

he f
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:12, Reply)

Excellent sig.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:14, Reply)

Excellent suggestion

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:16, Reply)

english budgies are weird looking
their heads are too big for their bodies.

oh.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:24, Reply)

It's nice that I get bullied on *and* offline now :'(''''''''''''''

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:25, Reply)

it needs monty here to support me on why this is hilarious
where is that mcbeef when you need it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:26, Reply)

HIS NAME IS BUTT-SMELL

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:27, Reply)

We're all witness to this horrendous abuse.
I'm sure that, when the time comes, the whole off /offtopic will act as character witnesses so you can get custody of the budgie.
( Muns, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:26, Reply)

I paid for him, he is 100% MINE.
But cheers for the support Munstso
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:28, Reply)

Always a pleasure.
I know how messy stuff like that can get. Vulnerable pets need protecting.
( Muns, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:30, Reply)

It's nice knowing I won't have to dress up as Batman and climb on top of his cage.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:31, Reply)

Ha!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:31, Reply)

Robin would be more appropriate.

( Muns, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:34, Reply)

Flaptain America

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:35, Reply)

Bird on a hire

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:35, Reply)

The Incredible Hawk!

( Muns, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:36, Reply)

HE WAS A GIFT!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:35, Reply)

To David, Lots of love from David x

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:36, Reply)

HIS NAME IS LEMMY
short for royal lemington the third king of kensington
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:38, Reply)

You are a fucking idiot.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:40, Reply)

not really
it's short for lemon meringue pied, because he's yellow and grey in patches
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:42, Reply)

+ Motörhead

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:43, Reply)

His name is Lemmy 'Meatsnake' [MY SURNAME]
IT SAYS SO ON THE FORM IN THE PET SHOP
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:40, Reply)

Celine Dion's lesser known...

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 27 May 2014, 11:22, Reply)