"Put a coat on, we're going to feed the ducks."
"Can I put a red coat on?"
"If you like."
"I don't have a red coat."

My kids are idiots. But at least they don't work at Butlins.

Alt: SMYLS
(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:24, 51 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

When my eldest was younger he always used feeding the ducks as an opportunity to stuff as much of the cheap white loaf we'd bought into his mouth
Because to him shit bread is considered a treat.
It appears that my kids are also smyls

Alt: Hang on, I thought this was mumsnet
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:43, Reply)

You of all people should know giving ducks bread is a terrible thing to do.
You horrid duck murderer
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:49, Reply)

I fucking love a bit of Duck

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 14:43, Reply)

Sorry, I meant "I ducking love a bit of fuck".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 14:44, Reply)

mine think the objective is to hit the ducks and swans with the food. Or sticks and stones when they run out.
They're delicate little princesses.
(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:57, Reply)

Yet.

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:44, Reply)

I don't have kids. I imagine if I did they would be stupid.
Alt: :) (:
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:44, Reply)

haha my cat doesn't know how to hunt!!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:47, Reply)

Do you at least let it outside?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:49, Reply)

of course
She can come and go as she pleases.

When she goes into hunting mode she starts miaowing, bit of a giveaway for her intended prey.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:51, Reply)

That is a bit daft.
My brothers cat is a very good hunter. It recently got a pigeon up 4 flights of stairs to the flat and then let it go. Where it flew around panic shitting on all his stuff. It bled on stuff too. And then died.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:59, Reply)

everybody loves a noisy pussy

(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:03, Reply)

I've just done a sick.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:56, Reply)

better out than in or summat

(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:58, Reply)

Do you feel better or worse now?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 30 Nov 2014, 11:58, Reply)

Worse.
Might do another in a minute.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:05, Reply)

Good man

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:11, Reply)

Think it was the Chinese.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:12, Reply)

Bit racist mate.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:14, Reply)

They can't cook proper.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:16, Reply)

their woks go sideways

(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:33, Reply)

You lot will find this amusing
Been out both nights this weekend, and on each occasion I've had a lengthy conversation with a woman about how they can't believe I'm not gay.

Still got it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:04, Reply)

That's probably because you're Gay.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:11, Reply)

Yeah. What a bender.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:12, Reply)

he's definitely the gayest one here

(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:27, Reply)

even GeordieJay is more butch than Darth

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:28, Reply)

Gayest b3tan 2010 onwards

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:41, Reply)

Especially since I shaved off the beard
Now have no counterargument to "but you look gay"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:41, Reply)

they want you to shit in their cunt

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:16, Reply)

alright dapper, how's the job centre

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:19, Reply)

you need to stop spending so much time on you are appearance

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 12:54, Reply)

like splashing Chanel on a pig

(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:06, Reply)

Givenchy, darling
Give me some fucking credit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:07, Reply)

Givenchy is basically Superdrug own-brand

(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:37, Reply)

If you say so
I know fuck all about perfume.

You bender.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:44, Reply)

see ... this may be where you're going wrong ... perfume is for ladies
because their twats stink
(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:47, Reply)

This made me laugh so hard I had to quickly think of an explanation for my workmates

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:51, Reply)

how about 'it's sunday, why the fuck aren't we all at home'

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:59, Reply)

I went with something even more tragic
Said I was thinking about the last time I, or anyone else, saw my penis

Then started crying
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 14:04, Reply)

Think I might be sick again.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:05, Reply)

see if you can spray it down your nose

(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:06, Reply)

That doesn't sound like something I'd enjoy.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:09, Reply)

bag it up and put it on ebay

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:18, Reply)

Good plan!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:20, Reply)

say that it's shia lebeouf's or something, I dunno, you might get a few hundred for it

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:30, Reply)

Watching Storage Hunters UK
Isn't making me feel any better.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:41, Reply)

watch that one where C list celebs buy crap from antique shops and then sell it at a loss at auctions
That generally makes me feel better. Whatever I'm doing, at least I'm not doing that.
(old man river possible lesbian, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:51, Reply)

I've just had a massive shit.
Feel a lot better now.

Might even risk smoking a tab now.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 14:04, Reply)

Geri Halliwell's rejected lyrics
It's things like this, isn't it?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 13:41, Reply)

Oh, you poor thing .
Let me give some proper internet sympathy for that, yeah?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 30 Nov 2014, 14:23, Reply)

It's okay b3th.
Having expelled the rogue food from my system, I'm feeling better.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 15:11, Reply)