He has always been a karaoke singer
and would freely admit it, he writes the songs my fucking arse he does...

alt: hobo with a shotgun is on film 4 this week, watch it
altalt: I have a brake light out in my car and I cant be arsed to change it.

alt3 no
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:11, 2 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

my friend's dad had a nasty car crash once
and the handbrake went right up his arse.

ooof.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:15, Reply)

Yeah, that's what he said.
The logistics behind a handbrake getting lodged up an arsehole just don't add up. Chances are he thought his number was up, and decided to stick it up his arse so he could go out with a smile on his face.
( Muns, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:18, Reply)

it was on the same humpty back bridge where marc bolan met his end
i just assumed he flew up into the air and landed badly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:21, Reply)

I assume that he put his handbrake up his arse and lied about it to save face.

( Muns, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:22, Reply)

automatic handbrakes have ruined my automobile bumfun
it's just not the same jamming an indicator up my jacksie
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:30, Reply)

Fill the washers with lube and redirect the hose.
Bum the wiper stalk and try and keep in rhythm. Accidental trigger of the washers just adds to the fun.
( Muns, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:33, Reply)

now we're getting SEXY

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:38, Reply)

and you cant do skids and impress The Laidez

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:44, Reply)

his handbrake cable must have been fucked if he'd pulled it up high enough for this anecdote to have even a shred of credibility

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:22, Reply)

Indeed.
To even stand a chance of lodging it in his chutney factory, the handbrake would probably have had to have been in the 'on' position. He was fucking it on a slope, accidentally released it and caused it to roll into a wall.
( Muns, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:25, Reply)

I think it's pretty clear here that either this was a deliberate act of anal punishment
or she's a gullible idiot who will believe any old shite story she hears
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:29, Reply)

I hope that the current silence has come about from a hurried telephone call.
"Hi, remember your dad got that handbrake lodged in his arse? How exactly did he manage it? Yeah, your dad, the one who likes Cheryl Cole..."
( Muns, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:32, Reply)

it did
except that it was on the machinations of redevelopment break clauses, not anal handbrake fun.

mine is not to question why. she said he had a 1960's sports car, i just thought maybe the handbrake was different. you could have sat on the one in my old beetle.

("could have". not did.)

besides, who cares if it's technically accurate, it makes me smile every time i see that old bolan shrine.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:34, Reply)

Doubt it.
media.giphy.com/media/38M1vLbBn6gRa/giphy.gif

I'm afraid to say, that's your mates dad.
( Muns, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:36, Reply)

i wish i wasn't actually thinking about it now
what if you yanked the handbrake up to do a handbrake turn, then skidded out of control, flew about a bit, landed on it?

EH??????
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:43, Reply)

this is almost as unlikely as you ever admitting that you're wrong despite huge piles of evidence

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:46, Reply)

You'd have to have your seat belt off, rotate your whole body 180 degrees, probably break both legs to get your body into that position to enable the lever to be forced up your arse...
just, no!

Are you going to call your mate tonight and break the bad news to her?
( Muns, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:46, Reply)

no way
it's far more fun this way

maybe the gear stick joined in for seconds
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:51, Reply)

I suppose it is theoretically possible for the car's back to break,
half of it swing around 30 degrees whilst the driver is launched several inches into the air and then slam down arse first into the newly reconfigured car's transmission tunnel area.

However, for the handbrake to actually enter your arse, you'd have had to pull the lever up first, seeing as it's "off" position is always perpendicular to the carpet. Meaning the car would have to be parked. Meaning Swipe's friend's dad deliberately fucked himself with his own car.

Edit: I didn't mean perpendicular at all. I meant parallel. Twat.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:34, Reply)

don't you bully the gullible twit with your basic grasp of how the world works! you monster

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:39, Reply)

Exhibit A
And the only exhibit the prosecution feels the need to put forward
( Kroney, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:40, Reply)

highly erotic

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:43, Reply)

I will admit that picture made me feel a little fizzy.

( Kroney, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:44, Reply)

eh? he's written hundreds of songs

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:21, Reply)

he would often put his spin on the musical arrangement but he didnt write them

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:31, Reply)

the fuck are you on about?
he's in the songwriters hall of fame
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:39, Reply)

Look it up
He didn't write the songs
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:42, Reply)

the chap from the Beach Boys wrote
I write the songs,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:43, Reply)

John Lennon was actually shot by the guy that REALLY wrote his songs.
WAKE UP SHEEPLE
( Kroney, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:43, Reply)

he didn't write the song "I write the songs"
I suspect you heard this once and misunderstood.
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:44, Reply)

he didnt write Mandy
Cant smile without you
copancabana

etc. he did help with the arrangement, with other but didn't write them
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:46, Reply)

he did, however, write hundreds of other songs
Mnnnng
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:47, Reply)

Look I know you love to win an argument but I am correct here

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:51, Reply)

if he wants to win an argument about barry fucking manilow
then let him, for the love of god, it's even sadder than eking out his sperm
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:52, Reply)

yes ... you're right ... famous songwriter Barry Manilow didn't write any of the songs for which he's credited
Neither did Elton John.

That's why neither of them have been able to afford extensive plastic surgery and goldplated Rolls Royces
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:59, Reply)

So what you're saying is that during a career spanning decades
He didn't write four of his songs, but did help compose three of them.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:48, Reply)

No thats not what I am saying

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:52, Reply)

That does seem to be exactly what you have said, though
"Manilow didn't write any of his songs. Here, I name one plus three that he helped arrange."
( Kroney, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 17:02, Reply)

I said he is a karaoke singer and he would admit it
I am saying that in some cases he did help the arrangement (not all) but the vast majority of his hits are covers.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 17:06, Reply)

which is patent twaddle

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 17:07, Reply)

That isn't what you actually said, though.
I hope this helps to clear up any confusion that you appear to be under.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Dec 2014, 17:07, Reply)