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( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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and would freely admit it, he writes the songs my fucking arse he does...
alt: hobo with a shotgun is on film 4 this week, watch it
altalt: I have a brake light out in my car and I cant be arsed to change it.
alt3 no
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:11, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

and the handbrake went right up his arse.
ooof.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:15, Reply)

The logistics behind a handbrake getting lodged up an arsehole just don't add up. Chances are he thought his number was up, and decided to stick it up his arse so he could go out with a smile on his face.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:18, Reply)

i just assumed he flew up into the air and landed badly.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:21, Reply)

( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:22, Reply)

it's just not the same jamming an indicator up my jacksie
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:30, Reply)

Bum the wiper stalk and try and keep in rhythm. Accidental trigger of the washers just adds to the fun.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:33, Reply)

( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:22, Reply)

To even stand a chance of lodging it in his chutney factory, the handbrake would probably have had to have been in the 'on' position. He was fucking it on a slope, accidentally released it and caused it to roll into a wall.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:25, Reply)

or she's a gullible idiot who will believe any old shite story she hears
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:29, Reply)

"Hi, remember your dad got that handbrake lodged in his arse? How exactly did he manage it? Yeah, your dad, the one who likes Cheryl Cole..."
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:32, Reply)

except that it was on the machinations of redevelopment break clauses, not anal handbrake fun.
mine is not to question why. she said he had a 1960's sports car, i just thought maybe the handbrake was different. you could have sat on the one in my old beetle.
("could have". not did.)
besides, who cares if it's technically accurate, it makes me smile every time i see that old bolan shrine.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:34, Reply)

media.giphy.com/media/38M1vLbBn6gRa/giphy.gif
I'm afraid to say, that's your mates dad.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:36, Reply)

what if you yanked the handbrake up to do a handbrake turn, then skidded out of control, flew about a bit, landed on it?
EH??????
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:43, Reply)

( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:46, Reply)

just, no!
Are you going to call your mate tonight and break the bad news to her?
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:46, Reply)

it's far more fun this way
maybe the gear stick joined in for seconds
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:51, Reply)

half of it swing around 30 degrees whilst the driver is launched several inches into the air and then slam down arse first into the newly reconfigured car's transmission tunnel area.
However, for the handbrake to actually enter your arse, you'd have had to pull the lever up first, seeing as it's "off" position is always perpendicular to the carpet. Meaning the car would have to be parked. Meaning Swipe's friend's dad deliberately fucked himself with his own car.
Edit: I didn't mean perpendicular at all. I meant parallel. Twat.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:34, Reply)

( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:39, Reply)

And the only exhibit the prosecution feels the need to put forward
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:40, Reply)

( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:31, Reply)

WAKE UP SHEEPLE
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:43, Reply)

I suspect you heard this once and misunderstood.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:44, Reply)

Cant smile without you
copancabana
etc. he did help with the arrangement, with other but didn't write them
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:46, Reply)

then let him, for the love of god, it's even sadder than eking out his sperm
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:52, Reply)

Neither did Elton John.
That's why neither of them have been able to afford extensive plastic surgery and goldplated Rolls Royces
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:59, Reply)

He didn't write four of his songs, but did help compose three of them.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 16:48, Reply)

"Manilow didn't write any of his songs. Here, I name one plus three that he helped arrange."
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 17:02, Reply)

I am saying that in some cases he did help the arrangement (not all) but the vast majority of his hits are covers.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 17:06, Reply)

I hope this helps to clear up any confusion that you appear to be under.
( , Mon 8 Dec 2014, 17:07, Reply)
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