Anyway, enough of that.
Frosty mornings. Love 'em or hate 'em? I had my first cuppa looking out of the window at the rolling fields behind my gaff, all frosty and sparkly as the sun came up. Quite picturesque. Mind you, if I'd had an early 'on the road' start I would have been cursing.
Alt: Skiing? I may have the opportunity to go, all expenses paid, is it any good or am I likely to end up with a bunch of hoorays?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:39, 137 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

you would be surrounded by hoorays called Giles, Sebastian and Marcus.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:48, Reply)

There is a further risk
I may have to socialise with 'Merkins and Germans.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:51, Reply)

No, it's shit.
Fucking frozen windscreen bollocks.

Alt: I quite enjoy skiing and I am possibly the least sporty person I know.
I don't know what that says about skiing.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:49, Reply)

Heated windscreens are a Godsend

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:50, Reply)

I think the car manufacturers put them there

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:55, Reply)

Y'know, you might be right
All I know is, scraping windscreens is something that happens to other people.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:58, Reply)

i do find swooshing fresh snow off a windscreen strangely satisfying
Swoosh. Flumph.
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:00, Reply)

You need basic fitness bruv. Unless you enjoy molesting kids trapped on teh skilift with you it's a no.

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:51, Reply)

I really enjoyed skiing
But would I spend the cash on a skiing holiday rather than seeing sights or sunbathing? Nope.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:53, Reply)

No sightseeing or sunbathing on skitrips, gotcha

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:57, Reply)

No cash involved
It would be a freebie door-to-door.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:57, Reply)

You should definitely go
You'll never know if you might have loved skiing otherwise.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:58, Reply)

True
However, I do know some skiers who really enjoy regaling me with tales of injuries and showing off their scars
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:00, Reply)

this is the equivalent of bragging that you got skin cancer on the beach
or had your legs eaten by a leopard
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:02, Reply)

But you love all that comparing scars nonsense

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:03, Reply)

As long as there's no baby oil invoved

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:04, Reply)

So really your question is: should I go on a free holiday?
I don't see why you wouldn't.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:59, Reply)

I have a sneaking feeling that the others on the freebie might be competetive types...
...And I can't be arsed. Also there may be some 'team building' bollocks involved.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:03, Reply)

if you have to do "team building" exercises then you've already failed as a team

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:06, Reply)

I didn't get the 'team building' idea
There will be people from other distributors there so we're all commercial rivals. Why would we want to 'bond' with them?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:13, Reply)

sounds like a swingers party

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:47, Reply)

So you feign a flaring up of one of your old back injuries and spend all day in the bar.
Any team-builders will soon be put off by your curmudgeonly demeanour.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:07, Reply)

Skiing is like most of the middle and upper-class pursuits
merely a device for them to ostentatiously show off how much money they have spent. See also golf, polo (anything to do with horses in fact), "corporate hospitality", etc.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:08, Reply)

horse riding is fucking good exercise
not so sure about the corporate hospitality
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:11, Reply)

Did you used to fly a kestrel around before it was battered to death by your coalmining brother?

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:12, Reply)

We were too poor to have a kestrel
we had to make do with a dead budgie that next door threw in t'bin.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:16, Reply)

ours nearly joined it last night, the poor little twat
flew into its cage, not via the open door but quite literally into its cage, and got its wing stuck. there was much yelping (and that was just frog) before it was freed and it turned out to be just a few ruffled feathers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:19, Reply)

horses can be kept pretty cheaply.
Couple of hundred a month.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:14, Reply)

yeah ... but you just park your caravan on an A road and let them feed on the verge

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:17, Reply)

pikey culture is rich and varied, mate

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:18, Reply)

yeah ... you rob Range Rovers /and/ church roofs

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:19, Reply)

sigh
not physically possible
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:21, Reply)

what are you twittering on about, fatso?
/ac
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:26, Reply)

you're one of those dimwits who don't know the difference between assault and battery, aren't you?
to rob someone, you need to put the victim in fear of his/her life or use force against a business/institution etc. so, unless you have a particularly sentient range rover or church roof, you can't reeeeeeeeeally rob it.

simples. even for a scientist.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:34, Reply)

as dull as you are dim

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:42, Reply)

i will accept your graceful retreat

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:43, Reply)

didn't read it, love
looked like you'd confused "physically impossible" with some trite pedantry but fortunately nobody cares
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:45, Reply)

ahahahaha
where's dozer and his irony check?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:49, Reply)

never kiss a gift horse on the mouth or summat

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:01, Reply)

yerr ... no sights to see in the mountains

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 8:59, Reply)

she's gonna be extra thick today

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:01, Reply)

yesterday is gonna take some beating

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:01, Reply)

Shush wrinkles
You have zero idea about what I find interesting to see on holiday. Shocker - it may be different to you. And that is ok. So no need to set your pacemaker off because people like to look at different things on their holidays, mm-Kay?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:01, Reply)

too thick; didn't read

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:02, Reply)

sure dr birmingham

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:06, Reply)

yes ... I have a PhD and I've taught in Birmingham ... this definitely makes you less thick herp derp

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:10, Reply)

Hahaha Birmingham!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:10, Reply)

Wait, I don't get it

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:10, Reply)

me neither ... I'm sure it makes sense in Hyacinth's little head

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:11, Reply)

he turned down a place at cambridge for that coveted birmingham slot
inside his own little world
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:12, Reply)

I turned down an undergrad offer at Cambridge
what does that have to do with Birmingham, you monumentally dumb twit?
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:14, Reply)

course you did, gramps
course you did
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:14, Reply)

yes yes BUT
yhpcciym

Its been a while since anyone rolled that one out eh!
( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:25, Reply)

not enough therapy in the world
*rocks*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:26, Reply)

Nice to see him back though, eh

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:27, Reply)

shudder

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:28, Reply)

I for one am looking forward to HOMEBREW CHAT and newslinks
and there nothing better than you bickering with rory/shambles/chompy/baggles/etc publicly on beethreeteeay
( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:29, Reply)

fuck off back to /qotw
/ac
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:33, Reply)

fuck off you fat psycho cunt.
/ac
( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:33, Reply)

if this place doesn't improve soon, i think we all will

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:36, Reply)

You can't leave. I haven't sent you any pictures of me sticking my hand up snow white

( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:48, Reply)

you're one of the good ones
and then you go and say something like that...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:49, Reply)

I'm the best one!

( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:52, Reply)

I no rite/

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:10, Reply)

the idea of you being allowed to teach is frankly terrifying
you blinkered old tortoise
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:12, Reply)

I can see how the idea of learning something would strike fear into a mediocre arts stoodent

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:15, Reply)

I'm off to disneyland Paris next week for a magical Christmas experience
I've just checked and its going to be raining. Bollocks.

Sking? dunno anything about it mate, not allowed too do it, no Cruciate Ligaments left you see. All expenses paid though? Well i'd go and enjoy the free food and booze personally.
( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:03, Reply)

it's OK ... I heard somebody has built one of the most beautiful cities in the world just up the road
so when you realise what a horrifically bad choice you've made, you can just go there and have a real holiday instead
(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:05, Reply)

Perhaps I have made a bad choice for an adult
but as its not for me but for my daughters aged 4 and 6 who are (unfortunately maybe) in to princesses and Disney. I am sure they will enjoy it. Maybe not quite as much as Paris in the rain but I've been to Disneyland PAris at Christmas before and they loved it.
( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:09, Reply)

the poor fucks

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:10, Reply)

no'ffence like

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:12, Reply)

It's ok, I just realised I don't actually need to explain my kids interests or our choice of short break to you.
I'm still fucked off it will be raining though.
( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:19, Reply)

I'm not sure what weather you were expecting in northern France in December

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:20, Reply)

Well when we went at the same time two years ago it was snowing and the lake was frozen.
It were quite nice like.
( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:23, Reply)

the disney thing is fine, it's their age, and they'll remember it with glee
but exposing them to... french people? is that wise?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:13, Reply)

Its OK Swipe
There's no French people there
( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:18, Reply)

oh well fair enough then
pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease send me a picture of you cuddling mickey or donald? please? i'd enjoy that even more than the pirate one.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:20, Reply)

No.
And theres nothing wrong with dressing as a pirate and playing to a festival crowd. Its a sacred Cornish tradition or something.

I tell you what, I'll try and get Chip and Dale to simulate a gang rape with me and get the wife to snap a few pictures.
( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:22, Reply)

that's quite an image
a cornish sausage in a chipmunk bap
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:23, Reply)

I have a picture of me glaring at goofy from last time

( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:27, Reply)

you send me that
and i'll send you more cute birdie pictures to make the kids squee.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:27, Reply)

^slang for titgaz

( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:30, Reply)

fluffy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:40, Reply)

y er
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:44, Reply)

I am reliably informed that the profession of 'fluffer' is dying out
...due to the use of Viagra in the porn industry
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:48, Reply)

I love em, as long as the suns out. Just in from my morning walk down the nature reserve, feeling very refreshed
although the freshness sure does exaggerate the whiff of dog turds

alt: I'll go if you don't wanna, probs take a board though, skiing is for nancies. I'dm rather be a gay on a tray any day
( Glovington, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:14, Reply)

You know, I just knew you were a snowboarder as soon as I saw you.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:17, Reply)

I've never done it on real snow, only dendex and dry slopes and it's over in 15 seconds so is pretty shit
but I'd definitely have a go on a mountain
( Glovington, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:23, Reply)

Totally rad dude!
or summat
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:27, Reply)

sick bro

( Glovington, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 10:26, Reply)

Hmmmm snowboarding....
Now THAT I'd like to try.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:27, Reply)

That might be good
as apparently skiers really hate snowboarders.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:31, Reply)

Imma cycle down
everyone hate cyclists.
( Peej, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:33, Reply)

All the more reason to try it
I have surfed before, falling off a surfboard has to be less painful though
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:34, Reply)

Dunno.....hard packed snow probably much worse, fresh powdered not so bad
mind you any form of water hurts if you smack into it fast enough.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:37, Reply)

i was surprised how different the snow was on the milton keynes thing to the real thing, having never been to a snow dome before
stopping and turning were much easier on the real thing
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:39, Reply)

skateboards are cooler
And more technically demanding.

No bindings innit.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:39, Reply)

I think the 'coolness' of both has pretty much converged to zero
for middle aged men.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:52, Reply)

That's late middle age in my case

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:53, Reply)

It is a disgrace.
The 40 seconds spent scraping a bit of ice off my windscreen this morning has positively ruined my day.

The idea that toffs are enjoying sliding around on the very same frozen water is quite frankly offensive.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:38, Reply)

what's the point of living in Dullsville, Commutershire if you don't even have a garage?

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:44, Reply)

My garage is full of old junk and dismembered children's corpses.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:47, Reply)

I don't have a garage
But, I do have........A SHED!!!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:52, Reply)

MODS! Ban this sick filth!

(old man river possible lesbian, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 9:53, Reply)

I reckon you probably said that in a "Knights of Ni" voice.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 9 Dec 2014, 10:04, Reply)