I bought a nice house
which meant paying far more a month than I was paying for a shitpit above a chippy
( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:14, 1 reply, 9 years ago)

I demand pictures of your finished kitchen so I can judge you, although I suspect it's lovely as you are a man of impeccable taste and a bit of a farking legend.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:17, Reply)

It's still not finished
I haven't done the plinths, cornices, pelmets, breakfast bar, Drilled the hole in the house for the cooker hood, fitted the hood, done end strips on worktops, plumbed the tap or masturbated in the sink.
( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:20, Reply)

What *have* you done?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:21, Reply)

Well
Ripped old kitchen out. ripped internal walls down, rebuilt internal walls, plastered internal walls, painted internal walls, fitted Carcasses, corner cupboard, larders, doors, Worktops, wall units, lighting, sink, tap, moved gas pipe, moved sockets, added sockets, plumbed in waste pipe. drilled hole in house for waste pipe. modified one unit to surround boiler, had a scrap with the guys from the shop. There probably more but I'm sick of it
( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:26, Reply)

And you still haven't found time to masturbate in there?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:33, Reply)

U2 tried an edgier second verse

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:34, Reply)

Have you done a poo in the waste pipe yet?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:34, Reply)

n

( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:38, Reply)

Well theres todays task sorted

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:41, Reply)

We chose a new kitchen, It's cool and modern like I wanted not some fusty piece of Victoriana like Swipe wanted.
I tricked her using my elite sales skillz to think a modern one would be better and it worked, what an idiot!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:24, Reply)

I like wood so we have gone for solid oak with a modern feel
When you come and visit you can see it in person!
( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:32, Reply)

YESSSSS! I hope we go to Cornwall this year, I like Cornwall. Cornwall and Cornish people are the best ones here.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)

I like their wafers

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:36, Reply)

I like the funny voices they do and how they all pretend to be stupid, for a laugh.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:37, Reply)

You'll be disappointed in my voice
despite what MontyBoyce4EvaInRHarts and Swipe may have told you, I do not speak like Jethro.
( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:39, Reply)

Cant you ham it up a bit for meaters

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:40, Reply)

They said you'd say that

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:40, Reply)

No, they said I'd say this.
Ere, 'spite wot mants and swioghpe moight hav tol' ye oigh daant talk loighke jefro
( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:42, Reply)

Lol
Also my accent is probably worse than yours
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:43, Reply)

I speak the queens mate, right proper toff I am

( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:47, Reply)

Cool, I sound like a man selling knock off fags in a pub car park from an Aldi carrier bag

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)

I'll have 40 "marlboro"

( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:52, Reply)

Soz, only got 'Lucky Stroke' left

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)

terrible bullying of Rory

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:54, Reply)

RIP 'Richard Head'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:58, Reply)

Bring the budgies!

( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:37, Reply)

Their big cage will go in the new car! It's all coming together, it was meant to be!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:38, Reply)

They have wings. They can just fly here

( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:39, Reply)

They are fat lazy bastards who need to be forced to fly.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:41, Reply)

We had our honeymoon in Cornwall.
One of the best holidays I've ever had.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:41, Reply)

I really like it there.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:42, Reply)

I was there!

( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:43, Reply)

On my honeymoon?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:47, Reply)

Yeh, wanking in the bushes

( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)

You should have knocked on the window.
You could have joined in.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)

Nah, he looked like he might have a heart attack if an ice cream van drove past

( Peej, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:54, Reply)

The poor bugger had a fishing boat trip booked on the one day the weather was properly horrendous
He came back that evening practically hypothermic. My marriage very nearly lasted exactly seven days.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:57, Reply)

He chilled on Sunday?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)