Hello there off topics finest.
What's the happenings in your post code? Some wankers house boat came loose last night and smashed in to the Bridge by me. Stupid water gypsy wankers. It's on its side and a but fucked.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 7:43, 72 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

Lol blanked

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 7:57, Reply)

Morning pigsy
Bit quiet round here, no rivers or houseboats. The only issue I have is the bloody noisy Muntjac deer in the woods behind my gaff
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:08, Reply)

Muntjac are so small even you should be able to deal with them mate.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:12, Reply)

It's catching the little bastards
And it's a tad illegal
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:27, Reply)

Who is going to notice?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:28, Reply)

Good point
I'll have to make room in the freezer
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:29, Reply)

They are fucking delicious.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:33, Reply)

I wonder where I've stored my old crossbow.....

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:41, Reply)

up yours, dickface

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:11, Reply)

Well I never.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:12, Reply)

Avoid houseboat-related accidents
by not living near any rivers.
( .Yeti., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:15, Reply)

Canal mate.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:20, Reply)

No thanks, I've already got one.

( .Yeti., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:22, Reply)

<s>

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:13, Reply)

I live in portsmouth
I'll just leave it there
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:16, Reply)

Are there sea gypsies? I remember seeing bizarre houseboats in Brighton, that looked like they'd be a bit awkward to get to at high tide.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:20, Reply)

I've not seen any
But then the Solent is extremely busy....I think you'd have to be pretty stupid to live out there
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:21, Reply)

There's a little pebble beach by that old bit of sea wall or castle or whatever that you can sit and watch the shipping lanes.
We were down there stoned out of our minds when the arc royal went out. I had a little freak out about how big it was.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:23, Reply)

I worked on the old Ark Royal

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:39, Reply)

^anchor

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:41, Reply)

*golf clap*
Worked on the engines and the early sea trials
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:42, Reply)

By the round tower

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:36, Reply)

Yeah, I know where you mean
Yeah, those things are fucking huge. Some of them can't fit in the harbour.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 8:37, Reply)

All the finest ones left ages ago
A quick browse of the only news source that matters reveals that the River Sherbourne is coming home: www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/coventry-news/2million-plan-showcase-river-sherbourne-10817899
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:02, Reply)

Alright tangled

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:30, Reply)

hi hun how r u? xxx

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:34, Reply)

Not sure
Feel a little blue today, to be honest. Not sure why. Probably something to do with the poles.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:35, Reply)

Coming over here stealing all the cleaning jobs and setting up those FUCKING sausage shops.
I feel for you mate, I really do.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:45, Reply)

Aw, here have some Calypso music, that never fails to cheer me up
youtu.be/TtYvjP9eeeI
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:46, Reply)

Thanks love, I like that song
Might listen to a bit of Shirley Ellis. It's impossible to be depressed listening to Shirely Ellis.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:51, Reply)

My alternator's fucked.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:40, Reply)

Oh? You've got one easily replaced part wrong with your car?
Please do accept my profound sympathies.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:47, Reply)

lol.
It doesn't look that easy to replace. I certainly can't just do it in the street like I'd hoped.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:53, Reply)

I'm a novice with no car experience at all and I managed to change my alternator at the road side with a screwdriver and adjustable spanner

( Peej, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:59, Reply)

If it's between the engine and grille, usually easy
If between the engine and the bulkhead, usually a git to do and needs a hoist.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:01, Reply)

It appears to be a 'go in from underneath' job.
And requires removal of the (fucked) ac unit. There appears to be a main belt and an accessory belt that run off each other.

To be honest the car is pissing me off and it's stupidly long and finding road parking is a bit of a chore. I know someone who's selling a 6th gen civic for cheap, might bung this shitter on ebay and use the coin to buy that.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:14, Reply)

Sounds like a plan
Dealer price for that job likely to be £££ due to labour cost, unless you can get mates rates might be time to cut losses.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:36, Reply)

Yeah. It sounds easy enough reading about it in the forums but I've done 'easy' jobs before that have had me dismantle my car and wished I'd never bothered half way thorough.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:39, Reply)

They've moved the tube entrance for my local station
Pro: it's even closer to my flat
Con: my drycleaners is by the old entrance.

There's another drycleaners slightly closer (now) and cheaper but in a different direction. However, it doesn't open until 9 so it's not as convenient, as I discovered this morning with a bag of shirts.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:41, Reply)

How often do you go to the dry cleaners?

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:43, Reply)

And why doesn't he have a washing machine?

( Kroney, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:46, Reply)

I thought he had a girlfriend now, surely all this should be taken care of

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:48, Reply)

I thought maybe he was dead posh and maybe wore 'dry clean only' shirts for work.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:59, Reply)

He lives on Albert Square

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:23, Reply)

Every few weeks
so they can wash and iron my work shirts that need ironing. Because I can't be arsed.

The girlfriend can't be arsed either, sadly. And I don't own an iron.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:21, Reply)

I don't iron my work shirts, just wear a jumper innit.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:22, Reply)

Most of mine are those non-iron ones anyway

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:52, Reply)

I had a look but nothing official.
I suspect some residents are getting annoyed with periods of noise pollution, but nothing's got into print yet. Soz.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 9:44, Reply)

Hello. I'm busy binning all the work I haven't bothered doing as it is my last day forever.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:02, Reply)

burn the place down

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:05, Reply)

Don't forget to steal a load of stationary.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:22, Reply)

What for? I'm not doing any work ever again, I won't need stationæry

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:42, Reply)

Make sure to point out to your boss that you won't be requiring a reference.
And then do a shit.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 11:10, Reply)

Where would you recommend for maximum IT interference?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 11:21, Reply)

The law industry's practically amish stance on technology is probably causing them enough turmoil.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 11:31, Reply)

On the IT manager's desk.

( Kroney, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 11:49, Reply)

lol for water gypsy
all good here. lunch at a cafe in battersea, then dinner with an old colleague. nice.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:10, Reply)

Ronnie Wood came from a long line of water gypsies
Pretty sure he was the first of his clan to be born on land.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:26, Reply)

So who were Scrappy Doo's parents?
he called Scooby Doo "Uncle Scooby", so assuming he was Scrappy's real uncle, that means his brother or sister were Scrappy's mum or dad. But we've never seen a Scooby sibling, have we? I think there was a country cousin or summat, but not a sibling.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:34, Reply)

They had to keep any relatives a step removed like that so you didn't think of Scooby Doo fucking

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:38, Reply)

but now I'm worried about his extended family
and where are they? And why did they send Scrappy to go and stay with Scooby, knowing full well that he's involved with a gang of unlicensed paranormal investigators?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:40, Reply)

Dogs don't usually have much say in who takes ownership of them

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:42, Reply)

But they can talk, Tangled
they can talk
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:58, Reply)

Daphne, Fred and Velma...
Can you name one of the 'Big 5' African animals?

RHINO!

Yes Scooby, I know you do but it isn't your turn.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:46, Reply)

^true

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:59, Reply)

lol
www.eastlondonadvertiser.co.uk/news/crime-court/bankrupt_tower_hamlets_ex_mayor_lutfur_rahman_fails_to_cut_high_court_ban_from_office_1_4399727
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Feb 2016, 10:54, Reply)