Birthday blues
So..it's me birthday today. The real one, not the B3ta one. And it's rubbish! I've got a bad neck, I can't turn my head, my husband has flu so they'll be none of teh sexytime and, to top it all off, we've got to go to a silly neighbour's meeting tonight instead of doing anything fun. Bah. Anyone got a joke or anything to cheer me up?!
Birthday = suckiness.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 13:49, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Neighbour's meeting
What's that all about?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 13:58, Reply)

Happy birthday! (?)
Sorry you're having a bad one!

Erm,

I went out on a date with a lass once. She wanted to be treated like a princess.

So I got really drunk, took a load of drugs, and drove her at high speed into a concrete pillar!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 13:59, Reply)

RE: Neighbour's meeting
Well, it's not a meeting about the excellent Australian soap*

I live in a block of flats (I live in Spain) so we have a common kitty of money to do repairwork on the building and such. So we have to get together and argue hideously once every few months to see where the dosh is going. Great, great fun. And, if you know Spaniards, they don't argue lightly. Volume-aplenty!

*some elements of sarcasm about quality-level apply!
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 14:01, Reply)

Princess joke
Not bad, not bad! Certainly raised a small chuckle!!
Thanks honey!
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 14:01, Reply)

@ Cherub
I do know Spaniards. My housemate is a fiery lady of very definite Mediterranean temperament!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 14:24, Reply)

I met a girl once;
she was incredibly kinky.

She asked me to humiliate her.


So I bought her a Tottenham shirt.



Disclaimer: You may have to be a follower of football to understand
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 14:30, Reply)

Happy Birthday...

I went out on a date with a lass once...she told me to take her some place really expensive...

So I took her to a petrol station.


/here all week
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 20 Oct 2008, 14:35, Reply)

Aww shucks
I'm loving these "dating" jokes!
I am a football follower, so the Tottenham one is toootally understood!
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Jokes?
Three men walked into an iron bar and the barman said, "Why the long face?"

No, hang on...
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 15:00, Reply)

whats the best thing
about having sex with a 9 year old girl?



you can roll her over and then pretend you are having sex with a 9 year old boy


/sickipedia
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 15:16, Reply)

Sickipedia too
'A' is the 1st letter of the alphabet and 'H' is the 8th letter, right?

9/11 = 0.81818181 = HAHAHAHA
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 15:20, Reply)

And another...
I went to the doctor and said, "My shit looks like liquorice."

He said, "You're gonna die in five minutes."

I said, "Why? What disease have I got?"

He said, "All sorts."
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 15:21, Reply)

Brilliant
*chuckles*

Innocent joke time:

what's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!
Badoomtish (apologies, smack me now!)
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 15:26, Reply)

Happy birthday!
Courtesy of popbitch in my inbox today:

A woman walks into a pet shop and asks for a parrot. The assistant takes her to the parrots and points out one which is heavily discounted. "It used to live in a brothel, so it's a little foul-mouthed," he says.

No problem, she thinks, should give the old man a giggle, so she buys the parrot and takes it home.

She gets it home and is laughing at all the obscenities.

"Fuck me! A new brothel!" it shouts as she takes it into the house.

Her daughters come in. "Fuck me, new prossies!" it squeals.

Her husband walks in to the greeting "Fuck me Keith, I haven't seen you in weeks!"
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 15:43, Reply)

Thanks all!
I be off to that dirty neighbour's meeting now.. Doh! Wish me luck. Over and out
x
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 17:03, Reply)