This is way off topic but bear with me...
I have a theory.

Firstly, it should be pointed out that I have had a drink. Secondly, it should be pointed out that I am at work. Finally, although at risk of inflating my own head to the point of explosion, I am an exceptionally bright individual.

I have had a bad hand dealt to me by biology. I'll explain why, and I have a feeling this theory is not unique, so if anyone can point out a duplicate postulate, please let me know.

Humankind wakes up in the morning n-steps above, or n-steps below, a certain line which we might call the sobriety line. Those who are homeless and alcoholic might, for example, wake up two 'drinks' (the n) below this line, while those who are extrovert and comfortably-off might be two 'drinks' above the line.

In my opinion, every single person wakes up orbiting this line. I have had a significant amount of brandy (let's say, 3 'n' or 'drinks' above the line) which has elevated me to a great mood and a smile). However, I wake up normally 2n ('drinks') below the line, to the extent that my (wonderful) fiancee calls me 'grumpy bear' in the morning with good reason and I don't begin to feel myself until I've had a snifter.

Where do you wake up in the morning? How many n above or below do you feel? Answers on a postcard etc. etc.

Length is 6.5 billion people worldwide.
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 13:33, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

you might want to read
"NightWatch" by Terry Pratchett.
More or less expands your theory.
(bugboybeast, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 13:36, Reply)

Knurd
is the term for being too far the wrong side of sobriety, when the fluffy pink clouds are stripped away and you see the world for how it really is
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 13:40, Reply)

You can't be that bloody bright.
If you haven't realised you need to stop drinking.
( girlinthehole, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 13:45, Reply)

From what I understand of you theory....

I don't link day-to-day happyness with relative sobriety.

In fact my drunken Saturdays are like a second life, where I can act the tit away from the hard-work, serious and mundane day to day working life.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 14:41, Reply)

You are an alcoholic
AICMFP
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 15:12, Reply)

Hi Mum

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 15:14, Reply)

Sorry, but they're right.
A physical dependence on alcohol is a VERY bad sign.

Me, I don't feel quite right until it's all purged from my system and I've had coffee- though in truth if I go without the coffee it just means an extra hour until I'm fully awake.

Feeling awful until you've had a shot or two means that your body has become addicted to it. Stop drinking NOW.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 7 Nov 2008, 15:19, Reply)

Yes but...
... I appreciate the messages from people on here saying I am an alcoholic BUT...

a) I have just received rave reviews from 6 independent people for my end-of-year work review. Not one had any negative comment beyond, ''bulb needs to tone down his technical explanations with the customer' which I see as a virtue, not a fault. So obviously not doing badly at work.

b) Yes, the alcohol will kill me in the end but (to paraphrase Terry Pratchett as in the above posts) - who would I rather be? Nobby Nobody who dies at 93 having looked after his liver all his life or burn out in my forties having enjoyed a spectacularly happy and successful existence - even if that state is achieved with the help of alcohol?

I suppose my point is that alcohol does induce happiness, especially for me, and yes I'm likely to live 20 years less that you are ... but better a lifetime of happiness than misery???

Debate welcome.
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 16:13, Reply)

umm
what debate, your pretence is basically "Hello everyone, im quite happy to drink myself to death and be happy while doing it"

us "err, ok, its your liver / life / fallout, not mine"

Why not dabble in some hardcore class A substance abuse while you're at it?
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 16:20, Reply)

No question of it
there are loads of high-functioning alcoholics in the world. Churchill was the most famous one that springs to mind.

I've known many who opted for the short life route, and found them to be an excellent deterrent. Amy Winehouse is well on her way there even now. Personally I would not wish to go that route.

Does your wife think it's okay if you destroy yourself in this way? Do you have kids? Your family really needs to have some input into this, unless you don't value them at all. They might prefer it if you stuck around and stayed healthy.

Not enough info at this point, really. I just don't agree with a long, slow suicide. But it's your life, and you're free to go to hell however you wish.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 7 Nov 2008, 16:22, Reply)

@ Mr. R. Loon
It is for this purpose I have in place a £60,000 life insurance policy covering me against death of any chronic illness (or indeed anything else), which should be enough to ensure my fiancee and kids can carry on enjoying the quality of life they are used to for some time yet.

I completely appreciate everyone's comments on here but Loon, you have a point, look at Churchill - on the juice all the time and the whole world recognises his name. I just want happiness and a job where, when I wake up in the morning, I look forward to starting. I'm nearly there (see original post) and things are getting better daily.

I suppose it depends on your POV and I don't mean to disparage those who choose a healthier lifestyle, by any means.

EDIT: And I do drive a car but NEVER EVER drive under the influence of alcohol (quite seriously). I may not value my own life much but I realise the value of others.

EDIT (again) @ althegeordie: Surely the purpose of a public forum (especially b3ta, since I have frequented for many a year) is to discuss contentious and perhaps scandalous topics and viewpoints? I feel your comments to piss off and drink myself into a coma are somewhat unfair.
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 16:43, Reply)

Lets look at the fact that you feel you can't be happy unless you've had a drink.
There's obviously something wrong there.

Wouldn't it be better to strive to be happy without the aid of alcohol.

Plus Althegeordie is right. You might be tootling along ok now but you'll probably get much worse and do you really want your kid to know his dad was an alcoholic.


And just because Winston bloody Churchill was an alcoholic doesn't make it right.
( girlinthehole, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 17:42, Reply)

Having an insurance policy is fine
but they can't spend that money to have a father in their lives- or more specifically, their real father.

It's not the loss of income I was referring to, it was the loss of YOU. They can't go to Tesco and buy another one, you know.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 7 Nov 2008, 17:46, Reply)

without weighing into the booze debate
telling someone to piss off and drink themselves into a coma is exactly in the spirit of b3ta.

particularly as that wasn't all he said.

:-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 17:47, Reply)

Tragic man
Your post and your replies made me really angry and then sad and then very angry again. You are a horrible pathetic excuse for a human being.

I have been to the funerals of two of my best friends father’s this year, and am really saddened to read that you think so little of yourself and your children that you think money will make your absence better. It won’t.

You rate the 6 independent reviews of people at work over your fiancé and children – I wonder if they rate you as highly? You realise, of course, that you would/could be replaced in an instance by your work, like they care. If you died tomorrow there would be someone else doing your job and life would go on. It’s a business; it should not be your bloody life.

You don’t drive under the influence but wake up hung-over? Do you drive ever? If you do, you are a menace on the road.

£60k really? You have very low self worth and, believe me that will not replace a father in your children’s eyes, unless of course you have been rated particularly low in their annual review.

You obviously recognise the fact that you have a problem, and posting here you were looking for some sort of approbation? If this is truly the road you want to travel, leave your family now, they don’t deserve to watch you drink yourself to death, and die slowly and painfully of cirrhoses.

I think I am back to being sad again, hangableautobulb, you however are in denial.

I hope you manage to sort yourself out for your family.
(LittleRock is planning her next meal, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 19:48, Reply)

meh
Confucious say better to live 1 hour as Tiger than 1000 year as sheep.

But he didn't say what the Tiger was thinking after 59 minutes and 45 seconds!

Been there, seen it and bought the T shirt and the little snowglobe thing.

The bravado drops away when you get to 40 and your body can't (and I really mean it can't) handle it anymore.

I had great, nay .. fantastic success in my career as a functional alcoholic with a nasty little coke habit for many years until my body began to fall apart and I had to stop buggering about or die.

Having been clean and mostly alcohol free for the last 5 years since my Daughter was born, my career has moved on to new even greater heights.

I look back over the years and realize I would have achieved even more without the booze and coke clouding my brains.

But no regrets eh! it was a hell of a ride!

Good luck to you


Oh ... and to answer the question .... I usually wake up evens these days.
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 21:42, Reply)

Sheesh
I think you may have had a better audience response if you had got off the horse first.

I drink to excess over and above the official guidelines. I have to my extreme shame, driven when I was probably over the limit by a smidge. I won't do it again, as it was an emergency when my son was in A&E. I have again probably driven when I was still unsteady after the night before. Not good, and I'll not be doing it again.

However, if you have to drink in the am, and need the moral backup of a fictional character to justify it, you have a problem.

I love booze. If I love it a tiny bit longer, I'll be dead. If you havew kids, choose. And choose now. Right fucking now.

It ain't worth it. It really isn't.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 22:49, Reply)