rare animals
so i am looking at a lease that prohibits the unfortunate tenant from having any animal friends whatsoever:

... "Animals must not be kept at or allowed or suffered to enter onto the Premises. For the avoidance of doubt, Animals includes (but is not limited to) dogs, cats, rabbits, rodents, all other mammals, fish, birds, amphibians, reptiles" ...

now am i missing something, or.... what the fuck is left to go in the "not limited to" category? flying wildebeest with the heads of kittens?

*****

also, whilst i am blogging here, we've just had a firmwide email saying:

"Would the person who has lost something yesterday near the 1st floor vending machine, please contact me to claim it".

ok, WHAT can it be, so i can go and claim it, please??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 13:55, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Liza Tarbuck

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 13:57, Reply)

I was going to guess Kinga from Big Brother.
But Britney Spears would be a good second choice...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:00, Reply)

I actually like Liza Tarbuck
I loved her on Big Breakfast, she looked cuddly.

If I had a pet Liza Tarbuck I'd love it, cuddle it and cherish it forever.

I've been in love with Britney since we were both 16, I'd do terrible things to her, regardless of how messed up or unattractive she becomes.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Bert
I agree on the Britney front

I used to have all 12 pages of a Britney calender up on my wall at uni....

Rswipe: the not limited to is to cover cryptozoology. if it wasn't included there could be all kinds of things that you could have....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Ha!
Presumably slugs or other molluscs could be kept with impunity? What about woodlice and cockroaches?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Mammals?
Doesn't that include humans?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:09, Reply)

@k2k6
you haven't seen this particular tenant...

porky - very well done. there is no specific prohibition on arachnids or insects. hmm though. are they animals?

edit - sam - when it comes to things with lots of legs and wings, i don't look to see if they are animals, i swat them or scream like a girl!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:10, Reply)

Arachnids and insects are definitely animals!
And they are prohibited, that's what the 'is not limited to' is all about.

Call yourself a solicitor?! *rolls eyes* :P
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:12, Reply)

Cthulhu
or the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
( djtrialprice, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:13, Reply)

No limit on
Ctenophores...
Or Cnidaria.
( Cawl, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:16, Reply)

How about pet rocks?

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Now that's just silly.
*sighs*

I guess you could have lichen. Or Cholera.
They aren't animals.
( Cawl, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Nematodes! What about nematodes?

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:25, Reply)

I once drank a shot of them.
Worst 50p bet ever.
( Cawl, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:27, Reply)

Perhaps
It is simply so he can evict the tenant should they complain of an infestation? Presumably if he claims they are pets (even escaped pets) he will be able to do so?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:28, Reply)

@rachelswipe
Well you let me through the door once, they can't be that particular.

@Bert

Liza Tarbuck? Oooh yes, she made the Big Breakfast watchable.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:31, Reply)

"All other mammals"
So, they are precluding the actual taking up of residence of their clients then, technically.

The silly fuckers.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:33, Reply)

Also,
Dinosaurs aren't mentioned.
*phones John Hammond*
( Cawl, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 14:36, Reply)

Squid?
Starfish, anenomes, urchins.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 15:04, Reply)

What if its a dead animal?
Half of the fridge plus la Swipe's substantial shoe and handbag collection faces eviction.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 6 Jan 2009, 15:06, Reply)

What about
teh Fear?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 15:07, Reply)

hang on
it's not my lease! i am evicting the tenant for other crimes.

pjm, i let you over the threshhold more than once. i am still dealing with the hatemail from the neighbours, but that's a separate issue.

i have never heard of the loon's nemo things, what are they?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 15:12, Reply)

You could claim
that you lost your innocence there, and ask for it back. Or perhaps your youthful idealism. Or even your youth, for that matter.

Might be fun!

EDIT: Nematodes!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 6 Jan 2009, 15:13, Reply)

nematodes
are worms.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 15:14, Reply)

Yes they are.
And they taste fucking awful.
( Cawl, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 15:16, Reply)

They're a bit earthy.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 15:57, Reply)

Nah...
The ones I had were salty and microscopic.
*shudders*
( Cawl, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 16:02, Reply)

What if the tenant
is riddled with headlice, fleas and tapeworms?
Does that count?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 16:11, Reply)

I think they are forgetting...........
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloop
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 16:14, Reply)

how had I not heard of the Bloop before?
that is the sort of thing that I need to know about
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 16:49, Reply)

Gigantic Eel, my arse
It's Aqua Maria from Stingray, flicking her bean like a wrong 'un.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 16:51, Reply)

Bloop
"If it is an animal, it would have to be, reportedly, much larger than even a Blue Whale, the largest known animal on the earth"

I think I might have once married it.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 6 Jan 2009, 16:52, Reply)

Ms S
1. Classifications of Animals:

Scientific classification
Domain: Eukaryota

(unranked): Opisthokonta

Kingdom: Animalia
Linnaeus, 1758

Phyla
Subkingdom Parazoa
Porifera
Subkingdom Eumetazoa
Placozoa
Radiata (unranked)
Ctenophora
Cnidaria
Bilateria (unranked)
Orthonectida
Rhombozoa
Acoelomorpha
Chaetognatha
Superphylum Deuterostomia
Chordata
Hemichordata
Echinodermata
Xenoturbellida
Vetulicolia †
Protostomia (unranked)
Superphylum Ecdysozoa
Kinorhyncha
Loricifera
Priapulida
Nematoda
Nematomorpha
Lobopodia †
Onychophora
Tardigrada
Arthropoda
Superphylum Platyzoa
Platyhelminthes
Gastrotricha
Rotifera
Acanthocephala
Gnathostomulida
Micrognathozoa
Cycliophora
Superphylum Lophotrochozoa
Sipuncula
Hyolitha †
Nemertea
Phoronida
Bryozoa
Entoprocta
Brachiopoda
Mollusca
Annelida
Echiura

(Sourced from Wiki, natch)

2. Did anyone find out what had been lost yet?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 16:59, Reply)

The Bloop
sounds awesome. I read about it once before. I do so hope it exists and is Godzilla or something.
( Kroney, Tue 6 Jan 2009, 17:02, Reply)

The Bloop
is Cthulhu farting in his sleep.

Fear the moment when it becomes more frequent, for that will mean that he's awakening.


We were called to the forest... when we went down.
A wind blew warm and eloquent
We were searching for the secrets of the universe...
And we rounded up demons and forced them to tell us what it all meant
We tied 'em to trees and broke them down one by one
And on a scrap of paper, they wrote these words...
And as we read them, the sun broke through the trees...
"Dread the passage of Jesus, for he will not return."
Then we headed back to our world and left the forest behind...
Our hearts singin' with all the knowledge of love.
Then somewhere, somehow, we lost the message along the way...
And when we got home, we bought ourselves a house.
And we bought a car that we did not use...
And we bought a cage and two singing birds...
And at night we'd sit and listen to the canary's song.
For we'd both run right out of words...
Now the stars, they are all angled wrong...
And the sun and the moon refuse to burn
But I remember a message in a demon's hand
Dread the passage of Jesus for he does not return...
...he does not return...
...he does not return...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 6 Jan 2009, 17:06, Reply)

@Kroney
Oh Christ, I did once marry it.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 6 Jan 2009, 17:12, Reply)