I cant believe it!


For once I'll start shall I?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:24, 148 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bwahahaha
Morning Dok, how's your beard?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:24, Reply)

You beat me to it
Morning all

Anyone else stupidly excited about inauguration day?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:25, Reply)

Morning!
'cept I'm about to go to bed. It's 12.25am here.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:25, Reply)

Shaved
My beard is gone Bert, gone the way of the Dodo.

Only just Becky, Nope not excited at all. I'm just hoping it'll be a god thing.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:27, Reply)

But it's history and hyperbole
all wrapped up in a sexy package. What's not to be excited about?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:29, Reply)

Morning mingebiscuits etc etc
Today is really quiet in the office. And kiddo is having issues at home... I get the feeling she might ask me if she can come live with me.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:30, Reply)

Inauguration day
wouldn't normally put me up nor down, but today I'm slightly interested.

Edit - How rude. Good morning all.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:30, Reply)

Morning No3L & K2
Becky I just can't get excited about it, I know it's historic but I'm just feeling Meh about it.

And everybody knows that nobody is going to try to assassinate him, so it's not even going to be funny.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:34, Reply)

Inauguration?
What's that?

I'd like to inaugurate the hell out of you all.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:35, Reply)

Herr Doktor
I'm waiting for an attack on this coast...why would the terrorists be so stupid as to do something on the East Coast tomorrow (today)
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:37, Reply)

You're ok, wbm
Tuesdays are their day off. Says so in the Koran.
'Thou shalt not asplode on a Tuesday, for though shalt be making love. Chill on Sunday'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:38, Reply)

Jebus Crispy Work
People would have to me completely out of their tree to try and hi anyplace in Americaland today.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:39, Reply)

So I guess explosions are imminent
seeing as they usually aren't all completely compus mentus!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:40, Reply)

Compos mentis
*puts becky on ignore*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:41, Reply)

Bert................
the twin towers went down on a Tuesday,

/history lesson
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:41, Reply)

But it was a leap year
They're allowed to do what they like on leap years.

Except wear a Fez
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:43, Reply)

Wouldn't it be more likely
that an attack would happen somewhere else, to divert attention from the razzmatazz in Washington?

Like the UK?

*contemplates*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:43, Reply)

An attack in the UK....?
You're giving me ideas.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:45, Reply)

Compus mentos
it's the new flavour of terrorist doncha know

*puts Bert on ignore*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:47, Reply)

Damn
All this talk of asplodeyness, and a shed load of police, ambulance, and fire service vehicles siren their way past my office!

I think I'll have to start watching the news today.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:48, Reply)

Oooh, minty AND refreshing.
It's the cold, icy blast from their explosives that really freshens the breath of those they leave dead or mutilated.

*doesn't ignore becks*
*loves her*
*goes for a hug*
*tries to squeeze boobs*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:49, Reply)

Right then
I need to go and do some work (apologies for my offensive language) for a bit, so try not to blow yourselves up while I'm gone.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:53, Reply)

*continues to ignore Bert*
Relinquish my fabulous boobs from your grasp Monkeyboy or I'll set Kes on you again
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:54, Reply)

Officelol
I've just seen that Burbery are shedding 300 jobs.

The chavs are going to be hit by this "credit crunch", woohoo.

But then maybe our government should stop giving money to those people. It'd help in the long run.

EDIT Becky, you're going to set a kestrel on Bert? Go for it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:56, Reply)

Morning all
I am actually quite excited about the inauguration. One of my colleagues came in loudly claiming it was all shit, so I (equally) loudly branded him a racist.

I might spend the morning Painting (it's cooler than Photoshopping) his face onto various KKK members' bodies.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:56, Reply)

Atta boy Labia
I look forward to seeing the results on /board later on :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 8:57, Reply)

FUCK OFF KES
That little bastard, he's always after me minstrels.

Speaking of minstrels, I couldn't give a fuck if the President of America was white, black, brown, polkadot, or anything in between. I hate all races equally, it even says so on my equality monitoring form, which I filled out yesterday.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:02, Reply)

Becky
Post.... on /board? But I'm young, supple and /boardly-virginal! They'll hold me down on a pinball machine and proceed to violently rend asunder my /board hymen.

Yeah, 'spose I could.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:04, Reply)

I was over there yesterday, Lab
They're a lot fluffier than they used to be.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:06, Reply)

Kes is a girl
Bert can't handle boys, other than Al...

www.flickr.com/photos/28289543@N04/2705888995/in/set-72157606396085388/
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:08, Reply)

Awesome
Becky, your photostory of poor Bert's misfortune brought tears to my eyes.

You are truly a visionary!

Not the classic kid's cartoon/action figure range though, which is a shame.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:15, Reply)

Becky
Feckin AWESOME.

There is nothing else I can say!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:15, Reply)

Hello you sexy cheesemongers
I'm off to a show in a bit but thought I'd get my fix before I go!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:15, Reply)

Sure you could Lab
I cant as I have no photoshop or paint abilities and these work computers are too rubbish, so I play with photos and captions instead.

Remember Bert, Kes is always hungry :)

Nings GB
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:18, Reply)

Morning Badger
So where are you off to today?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:20, Reply)

Morning TGB!
Hope you enjoy the show :)

Becky, I have no skills in Paint either. Sadly I'm having trouble sourcing a photo of the colleague in question. Maybe I could find a KKK member that looks a lot like him...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:20, Reply)

I am off to Newark
for the LAMMA show. It's all very exciting.

Yo Becky, how's your arm?

Yo Labbypie
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:21, Reply)

I am distinctly 'ungry
Not helpful when you have precisely £8.64 left until the 30th.

Bleh.

How is everyone?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:23, Reply)

Mmmmmmm
Tractors, and other farmy stuff!

I love farms, wouldn't want to work on on though, well maybe a mushroom farm.

EDIT Hi Jim, I feel your pain man, I've been in the same boat before.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:24, Reply)

We have a remote control tractor as well
which kept me amused most of Friday. My reversing skillz are all of the awesomes. Oh yeah.

Dok did I read you are now beardless!? *shocked* You're dead to me now! heheh *hugs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:25, Reply)

Himjim
I feel your pain, although mine is self-inflicted as I need to save money over the next few months so I can get a tattoo by this guy.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:26, Reply)

Take a photo of him
and tell him it's for an award he's won...or something.

Lamma looks kinda fun! Arm's not too bad today thanks, it's horribly bruised though, but wearing short sleeves as it's warm at work. Think I'll put some more arnica on it.

I'm hungry too, need some bagels that someone else will make for me...
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:26, Reply)

You people have twisted ideas of fun!
Lab is the tattoo saying TGB Rules All?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:28, Reply)

Becky
What happened to your arm?

*nips off to get a bagel for Becky*

Badger, no it won't say that! Nor will it be a picture of you, and especially not of a Marina.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:28, Reply)

Morning all
Does anyone know anything about recovering data off fucked SD cards? That's my job for the day and it isn't going too well, keeps crashing my computer... (I'm looking at you Lab)

And what time is the inauguration, in real time (GMT)? Does it start when I'm in work so I can waste time watching it?

Edit: @himjim - did you get that file I sent you OK?

Edit 2: Wow, that's a lot of questions for 9.30 am, I apologise...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:30, Reply)

Badger
Not totally beardless. It has transformed into a nice trimmed goatee.

I just didn't want to say anything with goat in it to bert.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:31, Reply)

:(
Booo! Well I am off. Hope your day is less painful than yesterday Becky!

Lab *coughbirthdaycoughcough* I've saved you a spot on the sofa if you want it :p
*hugs and snogs all round*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Everyone is feeling my pain
:) It's very kind of you all.

I really want a tattoo now Lab :(

*saves*

*eats newspapers*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:32, Reply)

Because tractors are fun
I used to drive on with a huge wagon attached when I worked on a farm :) You can get decent speeds out of them.

I think - but don't quote me - that most of the hoopla starts about 4pm which is just when I finish work, but I'll be here late anyway as it's puppy school tonight.

Lab, a dog savaged me yesterday. Pics in yesterday evening's HSH thread.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:36, Reply)

Gaz'd you Sam-i-am!
Badger, I have noted the date of your birthday, and shall attend.

Himjim, if you eat pages from cookery magazines, it's almost the same as real food.

Becky, I shall check the pics now!

Edit: Fuck, Becky, that was an evil bastard dog! I like the bandage though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:39, Reply)

Well not really
He was just very scared and freaked out when he saw the syringe. It's fairly common round here, but I've put notes on his account to warn that he will spack out if he's scared.

Edit: Yay a kind and lovely nurse just bought me bagels with cream cheese :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:45, Reply)

My doggy (RIP)
He would never freak out when taken to the vets, but would go completely dead weight in the corner of the room.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:48, Reply)

My stupid cat
likes going to the vets :3
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:50, Reply)

When we took my old cat to the vets
(or anywhere in the car I suppose, although that was the only place he ever got driven)

he would get in the car, stalk round with an arsy look on his face, do a shit in the middle of the back seat as if to say 'I've made my protest now, you know how I feel about this' then sit on your lap perfectly contentedly and purr for the rest of the journey!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 9:57, Reply)

My cat used to freak out when I had a large carrier
and would shit himself, puke everywhere and scream at the top of his lungs, but I got one of the ones that looks like a regular bag and he loves it.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:06, Reply)

I had a cat once
That would freak everytime the carrier came out. He would scratch and bite, and generally be very nasty. But at the vets he would be a good as gold!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:13, Reply)

Morning all
Much revision for me today. What fun it shall be, but at least exams are over after tomorrow morning.

I don't have any pets, so haven't ever had to bother about taking them to the vets. I did have a fish at my old flat, but it died quite a bit, and made me a bit sad :(

Are we all well here today? Other than becky's arm that is...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Over christmas my daughter's cat
was killed mercilessly by vets, and my gerbils died of old age.

Sometimes I spin their empty wheel, just to hear the sound when I'm trying to watch telly.

*trundle*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:27, Reply)

My doggy
Was put down a couple of weeks back. He was old, and when my parents took him to the vets just after New Years, the vet said he had all sorts wrong with him. My parents decided they didn't want him suffering.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)

Aww I'm sorry Bert
Oh wait, I forgot I'm ignoring you.

*fluffeh hugs for your dead kitteh*

Edit: Sorry Lab :( Can be the kindest thing you'll do though.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)

You fuckin' shitbags.
Mornin'.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Morning Kaol...
This is amazing, although utterly utterly pointless...

(needs a half decent internet connection to work properly)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:36, Reply)

Morning flap heads.
Shit, I hate this work crap.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:36, Reply)

Becky
Yep, my parents definitely made the right decision, and I'd known for the last 6 months that that day would soon come.

Morning Kaol, you cuntnugget!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:36, Reply)

I had a fuckin' shit evening yesterday.
Didn't leave work 'til 7, then the car broke down on the way home.

Then I went to see my mate, and had curry and played Call Of Duty and smoked lots, and all was well with the world.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:42, Reply)

Morning Kaol
That is truly strange Sam. And a bit annoying.

Pretty impressive arm-marks becky. I'm glad I don't work somewhere where dogs attack me.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Morning Kaol & Drixy
Xmas before last on xmas eve I had to have one of my ferrets put down.

It was the kindest thing I could have done, the vet thought it had advanced distemper, due to the symptoms it had.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:51, Reply)

Dok,
how are you today?

I'm tired. Some wretched b3tan made me drink too much last night and tonight, some others are going to do it too.
/wrecked
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:54, Reply)

It's part and parcel of having animals
Knowing when their quality of life has declined to the point that it's kinder to put them down.

Sad, but it's your duty to the animal.

My mate's dog got put down just before Christmas, she had completely lost her marbles and didn't know what was going on any more. Very sad day. His other dog (her son) just follows you around looking lost and moping now, poor thing.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:54, Reply)

My favourite dog
Is Fry's dog from Futurama.
*shrugs*
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 10:57, Reply)

Kaol
I'm not afraid to admit that that particular episode of Futurama never fails to bring a tear to my eye.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:00, Reply)

Ha
Speaking of Futurama...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:02, Reply)

Oh Drixy
What a life you have, always out drinking and having a good time.

I rarely get to do that.

But Yeah I'm fine, just looking at guitars again.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:12, Reply)

Guitars?
Go on...

Also, I've never been asked out either :(
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:15, Reply)

Kaol
I'm looking at getting one for my birthday in May.

And learning it along side my bass.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:23, Reply)

Cool!
How's the bass-playing going?

Mine hasn't really improved much over the last year or so, it's kinda reached a level and stayed there.
My singing though, is about 200% better than it was this time last year.
I'm not claiming I'm good, just that animals and plants within 200 feet don't wither and die any more.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:27, Reply)

Dok...
ah, but when am I going to get my guitar lessons?

I have to learn to say 'no' to going out :(
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:30, Reply)

Kaol
The bass is starting to get better, especially now I'm actually picking it up at night.

Well Drixy, just say no! Think of the money you'll save, and then be able to spend it all on lessons.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Dok
the money is OK - I have found a place to get cheap lessons.

It's time. I never have time. And I am weak, because I love my friends.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Drixy
Well you'll just have to make sacrifices then won't you. Anyway a couple of hours a week for lessons isn't too much, and you could meet friends after that.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Yes Dok
*hangs head*
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Oh harro!
How the devil are you all?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Don't be sad Drixy
I know exactly what it's like.

Hi Batman, long time no see, how's life?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:46, Reply)

BLOODY HELL!
Batman, how are you?
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Heh hi guys
I'm good,how're you? Man i've missed this place!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:53, Reply)

That's no excuse.
Where've you been?
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 11:55, Reply)

Dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna
BATMAN!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:04, Reply)

I wish i had this effect all the time
where have i been?why I've been fixing the worlds problems one kilt at a time of course... Or i've just not had internet access at home. I'll let you decide. What've i missed then?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:11, Reply)

Nuffin

( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:18, Reply)

Bits and bobs
Batman, not a whole lot really.

Just the usual.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:26, Reply)

Well there was the Bert Monkeysex Incident
When he broke Off Topic.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:30, Reply)

Pffft,
That's not news, Mr. Chains.

*ahem*

Batman, the top news stories are:

3) BGB is in America with The Loon
2) Al is back from Australia, and has put something shiny on Mrs Al's finger
1) I've quit drinking.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:34, Reply)

Ha!
My news:

1) I have bought a new guitar
2) I am in love with it
3) That's all
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:44, Reply)

My News
1. I've started to play my bass guitar again.
2. I've stopped smoking again.
3. I've never been asked out. Not ever!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:49, Reply)

My news:
3) I've got a new bass.

2) Since you've vanished I've been making a weekly comic. Go to my profile to look.

1) I'm still King Of Off Topic.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 12:51, Reply)

Good noons, fair people of OT.
I trust this day finds you well and full of vim and vigour!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:09, Reply)

It's been a while since I've been filled with vim
by anyone...
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:10, Reply)

All you had to do was ask:
*fills with vim*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:13, Reply)

*feels invimorated*
Marvellous.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:25, Reply)

Vimto?
*gets out his Purple Ronnie*

Oh, and news for Batman:

1. Freddie Ljungberg stuffs his pants with courgettes.

2. Santa caught in Paul Gadd Paedo ring shocker.

3. Jeremy Clarksons Hair: Still Immobile.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:26, Reply)

Have I broken OT again?

WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:39, Reply)

I'll just keep myself busy then, don't mind me.
*puts on Footloose 2: Electric Boogaloo*

*dances*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:41, Reply)

*tears off shirt in a fit of manly rage*
*cries*

*waxes*

*cries more*

*dances away the pain*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:41, Reply)

*skips to next track*
*sings*

We're the kids in america,
We're the kids in America, (whoa-oh)
Everybody live with the musical sound

Nananananana-ananananana
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:42, Reply)

*puts on stormtrooper helmet*
These aren't the droids we're looking for.

Anyone fancy some stormtrooper tea?

*has imaginary stormtrooper picnic*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:46, Reply)

*radio talk*
Pass the crumpets.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:46, Reply)

*radio talk*
Here you go.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:50, Reply)

AARGH
You missed, you fucking twat.

/covered in hot butter now.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:51, Reply)

*goes back to singing*
Where's your momma gone? (where's your daddy gone?)
Where's your momma gone (where's your daddy gone?)

*curls up*
*rocks slowly*
*cries*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:52, Reply)

Hello Bert.
Nice to see you keeping things going during the lunch hour.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:53, Reply)

Keepin' busy
you know how it is.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:54, Reply)

Marvellous.
I enjoyed your manly rage.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:55, Reply)

Glad to hear it
Would you like to see my FurReal Pet? -It wriggles and whimpers.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:56, Reply)

Certainly.
Is it safe to pet it?
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 13:58, Reply)

I can't be arsed to upload the image
it's just a little wriggly bear that I'm eventually going to have to throw out of the window.

You may pet him on his cuddly little belly.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:00, Reply)

*pets in accordance with instructions*
Why is he destined for a window-based exit?
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:02, Reply)

Because it doesn't shut up
it just wriggles and whimpers and wriggles and whimpers.

I might eat it.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Afternoon you two
Don't throw cuddly bears out of windows Bert, that's mean.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:05, Reply)

It's not mean
it's for the good of humanity.

It's slowly driving me insane.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:06, Reply)

FurReal Pet, Bert?
Is that a euphemism for your cock?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Bert
In what way were you not already insane?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:19, Reply)

*Hands Bert a Furby*
*Retreats to a safe distance*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:19, Reply)

I've always wanted a furby
So I could take it apart and reprogram the thing.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:32, Reply)

@Dok Minge
I'm having visions of you making a robot dog like that one in the Wallace and Gromit film with the sheep!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:34, Reply)

K2
And with it I shall rule the world, and everything will be Fluffeh and Cute!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:37, Reply)

@Dok
Ha Ha, thought of
"Hello little furby how are you?"
"Titwank fuck bollocks ya cunt!"
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Bert,
I think you should destroy the bear in a spectacularly explosive way and make a film so we can all share in the joy.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Porkylips
Yup that would be one of the standard responses.

I think my neice still has one!

*ponders*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:41, Reply)

I'm back!
Who missed me?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:46, Reply)

I missed you, teegee
nobody else did, because they're all unfeeling bastards.

I'm going to build a FurReal glider, film it, then post it.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:50, Reply)

Badger
*hugs*

How was the show?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:52, Reply)

TGB
Like water in the desert...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:54, Reply)

Thanks Guys
*gropes Bert whilst ignoring whatever drivel is coming out his mouth*

Set up was ok. Have to be au at 6 tomorrow though. And Thursday. Boosticks. Get Friday afternoon off though! WOOT
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Bert
Yay! That'll be fucking great.

Wotcher Badger. I haven't missed you one bit, because I've been playing with that phallic object you gave me and thinking of you.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:58, Reply)

It makes me hot
knowing you were thinking of me Clendrix ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Booo Badger
But Yay for Friday afternoon off.

I'm going to get Furby's and use them to take over the World.

I think that will take longer than this week to do though.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 15:00, Reply)

Dok
Furbys with frickin' lasers I assume?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 15:39, Reply)

Sam
Lasers and rude language.

The ultimate putdown!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 15:49, Reply)

And the reward for fuckwit of the day goes to
the person who's just emailed me a Word document that a customer's sent in; the email says 'Sam, I cannot read this, can you make it any bigger please'

Granted the Word document is only being used to send a screen dump copied and pasted into Word (and I hate people who do that), but the stupidity of using Word as a graphics program pales into insignificance compared to the person WHO ISN'T AWARE OF THE FUCKING ZOOM FUNCTION ON MICROSOFT FUCKING WORD.

I tried to be polite in my email back pointing out the fact that it is possible to zoom in on Word, but not sure I succeeded entirely...

How do these people manage in their everyday lives? How do they use a microwave, or change a lightbulb, or work their Sky box? Is there any hope at all for the human race? Discuss.

/rant
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 15:53, Reply)

There are far too many idiots in the world
I think that a cull is required. It would up the who worlds IQ by several points.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 15:57, Reply)

The who worlds?
Worlds populated by members of the well-known and terribly overrated rock act, The Who?
/grim

I've just produced a long and boring finance report. It's now time to slack off in celebration of this.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 16:07, Reply)

I've been playing with
a remote control tractor for about an hour! woop
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 16:28, Reply)

TGB
If we combined my FurReal pet and your Tractor, we could have an army of whimpering, wriggling farmers, and eventually take over the world.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 16:41, Reply)

It's gone quiet again
I'm going to take my top off and throw cheeseburgers at my own nipples.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 16:49, Reply)

Oh thank fuck for that.
*watches*
*drools*
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 16:50, Reply)

I think everyone's slacked off early.
Lazy tards.
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 16:57, Reply)

I don't know what time I should be going home
shall I just leave now?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 17:17, Reply)

Yeh, go on then.
I think you deserve it.
(Or some such shit.)
( thealternativefact, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 17:21, Reply)