A momentous day in the history of this Planet
So it finally happened.

Today.

Tuesday, 20th Jan, 2009.

At 5pm UK time, 12pm Eastern Time.

After much anticipation....I posted my first message, and was promptly called a 'Cunt' by Althegeordie.

I was gonna ask you all which B3TA legend abused you when u lost your cherry, but you know how that goes...

EDIT: Oh, forgot, Bert Monkeysex was nice, so that made it all better
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:14, 63 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*re-lives the agony*
Chickenlady said my bum looked big in this.
( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:17, Reply)

cunt
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:17, Reply)

@ Mime
Sorry, couldn't hear u?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:21, Reply)

I'm a legend?
You say the sweetest things.

for a cunt.

*runs off sniggering*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:26, Reply)

@Al
He wasn't calling you a legend. He called you a leg-end.


He thinks your a foot.
( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:29, Reply)

@ Al
You're a very funny guy, Althegeordie...

If you were here now, I'd slap your beard off..

But, you know, this chair's all comfy...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:33, Reply)

I got cunted by the entire /talk board when I posted my first thread.
Ahhhh...those were the days.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:46, Reply)

I wasn't abused.
I was mainly ignored.

And then they started the QOTW, and I found a place where I could contribute- and was, in fact, ignored.

...until I told the story about the racehorse shitting in my boss's face.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:52, Reply)

@ Loon
...which is why it's best to watch all sports from the safety / comfort of your own chair/beer fridge...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:54, Reply)

From the moment I first posted
I was hailed as the true King Of QOTW.
There was dancing in the streets, exciting fireworks, and orphanage-barbecues.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 20:56, Reply)

The racehorse
was a standard bred- that is, one of those that drags the little cart around behind it. My boss was driving it when my horse had an attack of diarrhea coupled with massive flatulence- resulting in an aerosol effect that would have made Pooflake envious. This was followed by him threatening me as I held onto a post to keep from falling over laughing.

Not only could he not watch from a safe distance, as it was his job to sit at Ground Zero, but I couldn't have been at a safe distance from him had I been in Europe. I suspect that he still hates me.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:03, Reply)

Also,
Burt Monkeysex is only nice when he wants to stick it in you.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:03, Reply)

Kaol is ok
but a word to the wise.

When he is dry raping you don't push back, it just encourages him.

can't remember my first post, twas probably shit
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:14, Reply)

@ Halfy
Apathyman pushes for no man, so he's gonna be disappointed...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:17, Reply)

Kaol is confused and perplexed
By Apathyman's use of the third person.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:18, Reply)

althegeordie is also confused
by the ramblings of a cunt.

Does anyone here think apathyman might be a meat puppet?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:19, Reply)

@ Al
wtf?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:24, Reply)

It takes longer than sixteen days
to realise you're a legend, al. So yes.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:24, Reply)

Sorry
I just like crowbarring the word cunt into my posts.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:25, Reply)

Er...
Legend?
Cunt.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:26, Reply)

It's taken me
twenty seven years Mr thirty-one.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:26, Reply)

@ Al
So u realisd it when u were 30?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:28, Reply)

eh?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:28, Reply)

@ Al
30. + 27. = 57, which I'm guessing is yr age, from the photos I've seen of u...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:34, Reply)

Oh dear...
Apathyman, I think you're mistaking good-natured ribbing for aggression...
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:36, Reply)

Meat Puppet?
Is what, exactly? I'd google it, but I'm too busy pouring me pint
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:36, Reply)

Meat Puppet
Is a user-account that's been set up by an established user, to run around in and have fun/stir up shit/hide the terrible things that they've done.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:39, Reply)

@ Kaol
Hmm, p'raps my return-rib does seema bit harsh. Only Althegeordie can decide if it crossed the line - I'm prepared to de me pennance - as long as it, like, doesn't involve getting out of the chair
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:39, Reply)

I, Sir...
...am nobody's meat puppet!

Do u want to know the origins of Apathyman??? (wavy lines on hold)
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:40, Reply)

Nope
I really don't care.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:41, Reply)

BGB!
That's no way to talk about the Loon.


;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:42, Reply)

Apathyman
I do.

Tell me.

I don't care if you're a meat/sock/hand puppet....I have one or two or three myself...
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:43, Reply)

Evening poultry person
How are you?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:43, Reply)

MEATSOCK!
My new favourite word.
Thanks Chickenlady!
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:44, Reply)

I thought you already had a meat sock Kaol?
You made it from that roadkill didn't you?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:45, Reply)

No...
You're thinking of that biker I found who'd hit a motorway bridge-pillar at 120mph.

Nothing big enough to fuck, so put the pieces in a sock and had a go at that.

Bone-shards = Bad, bad cock-pain.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:47, Reply)

Evenin' Mr Geordie and Mr Kaol
Glad I gave you a new word.

I do want to know now who Apathyman is...at first I assumed he was just someone new.

Now I believe him to be Bert Monkeysex playing with himself.

Again.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:48, Reply)

Kaol,
I've heard that liver in a jam jar is good.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:48, Reply)

Never use
a glass object in relation to your naughty bits.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:50, Reply)

I saw my name up there.
Trust me, it ain't me playing at sock puppetry. I have neither the time nor the inclination for that, and am physically unable to use txtspeek.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:51, Reply)

Hmmm...
I'm keeping jamjars away from me after watching www.jarsquatter.com (VERY NSFW).
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:52, Reply)

I never want to watch that
I also don't want to watch 2 girls one cup.

I have also managed to avoid ever seeing tubgirl (i did see goatse once by accident).
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 21:53, Reply)

Al,
Tubgirl isn't that bad, she's only doing a shoulder-stand...while squirting brown liquid all over herself. I found Lemonparty more disturbing to be honest and I can't bring myself to look at Harlequin baby.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:01, Reply)

*BOAK*
*sicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:03, Reply)

Th story of Apathyman
(wavy lines)

Once upon a time, there was a mild mannered mook. Said mook had a brother (well, 2 actually, but 1 of them was 'down with the kids' and actually bothered with 'new fangled technology' like teh interweb).

Some 8 weeks ago, aforementioned brother sent an e-mail with the legendary 'Tramp-o-claus' clip, which amused I to no end. But being a nosy bastard (er, i mean an inquisitive soul), I found the QOTW link...

...and was introduced to a whole new world of abusive fruit loops and people who felt it was okay to tell other members of this great nation about the strangest poo they’d had, or about the time their BF shit the bed, or about the time their BF refused an offer of anal sex by uttering the immortal words ‘No Thank you’ (and I agree with Al, it was the ‘thank you’ that did the damage there). These people….thought the mook….are just like me! But I can’t join.

No.

I’d get hooked.

Surely that won’t happen, I argued with myself.

Yes it will, and stop calling me Shirley, I answered (‘Airplane’, 1979, all rights reserved).

So I created a new ‘me’ – one that mirrored who I always wanted to be – not the healthy, active mook, but a lazy, apathetic twunt.

Apathyman was born, and the rest, as they say, is mystery….
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:06, Reply)

And as far as the jam jar is concerned
you're not putting it inside you...you're putting you inside it.

Plastic would do I suppose.

Or a torch.

They make one of those, don't they?

And there was the cheapo version made from tissues and a loo roll - I remember seeing it online somewhere.

I carry around far, far too much rubbish in my head.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:06, Reply)

By the time all the faffing is done,
Chickenlady, it'd be easier to abduct a hooker.

Well, Apathyman, welcome, in that case, to my Off Topic board.

EDIT: Also, you've got to answer a question before you're "proper".

If you could be combined with any animal in a freak teleportation accident, what would it be, and why?
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:08, Reply)

erm...
A shark riding an elephant

Did I pass?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:10, Reply)

No, you failed, sorry.
You didn't answer "and why?"
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:12, Reply)

Kaol, you have a point there.
Apathyman, I still suspect you are a meatsock - that term will now stick.

Either that or you are an über lurker knowing all that about previous posts...

Hmmm....time will tell...
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:13, Reply)

Hmmm...
Uberlurker?

Mr. Apathyman, tell me five things about me.
GO!
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:14, Reply)

I hate exams, it's why I only got 2 'o' levels
The why is obvious - I'd have all the teeth of a shark, the Penis of an elephant (er, got that already, cough), and the keen wit of Apathyman!

Failed again, eh?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:14, Reply)

5 things?
Er, well, you've got me there. But I do know that Al writes soft porn - maybe that's why his name stayed in my head...

Oh, there was a fire, some people got nice badges, you all have lovely times in the pub, and Pooflake seems incapable of answering the actual QOTW

If that doesn't get me in, I'm never gonna be 'proper'...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:18, Reply)

Haha!
Ok, that's valid.

You might as well jump over to the Home Sweet Home thread.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:20, Reply)

I like the way you've got to pass some sort of special test
in order to become a b3tan!

Hahahahahaha!

Well done!

You'll do.

:)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:21, Reply)

Meatsock already has a meaning
It was included in a list of over 30 euphemisms for "cunt" that a coworker enquired about after being told he could no longer use the word "cunt" in the office.

"Can I say cocktrough?"
"No."
"Can I say axewound?"
"Y-No."
"Can I say meatsock?"
"Sure."
"Really?"
"No."

And so on for a good 5 minutes. Impressive, it was.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:26, Reply)

Ah well...
they do say nothing under the sun is new.

They also say that the meat will inherit the earth.

Don't they?


;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:34, Reply)

The Meat?
Well, people are meat.

So it's already true.

I decided, a couple of weeks ago, that if I was stuck in a lift with someone, and I didn't like 'em much, I'd give it twenty minutes before eating them.
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:38, Reply)

I bet
after five minutes you'd start by licking them, just to see if they'd be tasty or not.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 22:53, Reply)

...
Maybe ten...
( Cawl, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 23:00, Reply)

Welcome to QOTW OT Apathyman
* gives out the hug of welcoming *

QOTW has always been welcoming to me (although back when I was but an occasional poster, I was ignored, but then again, they had no replies on QOTW). However, I cannot say the same thing about \board. This was my first attempt to post something. It went down in flames. I persevered, and after a few tries, I posted this.

Don't worry about Al, he just pretends to be a great big girl's part on the Internet.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 20 Jan 2009, 23:44, Reply)

Well-Kommes
So you have been abused by Althegeordie and soothed by Bert Monkeysex. Next time they might swap good-cop and bad-cop duties. One never knows. Maybe you should pay them some duty - but don't do that. Pay me instead and I will make them suffer on your behalf. If you prove worthy, that is. Go on and provide bank details...
( cackers, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 5:44, Reply)

COME AND SAY HELLO ON /TALK

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 21 Jan 2009, 9:46, Reply)